Outta Work

My relationship with change is like that of Blair and Chuck's-- a love-hate one. Sure, I love spontaneity, but impulsive change? It freaks me out. I may or may not be conventional but I know one thing; that I contemplate a lot about change but I always end up doing the usual. I. AM. SCARED. LIKE. THAT. And I don't know why when everyone's been telling me that I'm a strong biznatch who can take care of herself. I take that as a compliment...though I'm not sure about it now, now that I came up with this realization.

Speaking of change, I hope you noticed my new theme! Not-so new though because I retained the old template, hehe, but yes! New graphics. I honestly had no plans of revamping this thing until I saw that Photoshop CS5 is downloaded here! And I'm on a leave. Yes, guys, I'M ON A LEAVE! This seldom happens because my job's toxic as heck and I can't take a leave often. I know, I know, I haven't kept you posted about my job but I might, soon! It's almost been a year since I got employed and you can tell that one of the many reasons why I'm not Blogspot active anymore is because of it. Guuuuyyysss. I wish I could write from time to time, really, but aside from the fact that my creative juice storage is as drained as Antipolo's Hinulugang Taktak... HA! Now that's a comparison. Anyway, aside from the fact that my creative juice storage is drained, I am now a busy career woman taking in one responsibility from another. Don't worry, I have taken in strength as well so I could handle this.

This is random though. Hopefully I could craft another that's worth reading. I haven't made one since time in memorial but we'll see.

Sundays Currently I

In the hopes of reviving my blog, I am giving Siddathorntorn's Sunday Currently a try! I got the idea from stalking Maine Mendoza's blog who linked the mastermind of all this in her entry.

This Sunday, I am currently...

Just Another Nonsensical Post About How Nonsensical My Blogging Life Is

Oh, hello. It's been a while.



And as per usual, I have no idea what to write. I've been trying to, in fact, I just got over my drafts and found pieces I wrote that dated back last year but they ended up not making it to the blog. Maybe I never tried to finish them, maybe they aren't just good enough, or maybe my writing sucks so bad I finally realized that I have to stop writing now...

Ok, that was so overreacting of me but please bear with me. I'm trying to rekindle with this old flame o'mine and I'm not even close to succeeding at it. Ugh.

I am beyond frustrated and depressed.

Demise

I already prepared myself for the tough week ahead-- only because I expected that it's going to be a long and exhausting week at work, not because I'd be losing someone so great to me, my heart will break into tiny shards I can't even figure out how to put back in place.

Daddy, you may rest now. Everyday has been a struggle for you and it sucks that you never told us that you've been feeling something wrong all this time. We could've done something but you didn't allow us to worry. Dad, I 'd rather be worried than lose you in a snap. But this happened and I guess this is better than letting you suffer in the worst possible way. I can never, but I'll try forget the vivid image of you being revived and then losing it all. I hope you understand that I don't want to come near you yet because I can't bear to see you like that but please, encourage me like what you'll always do during the old times.

You'd always tell me to not eat fat cause it's too cholesterol-y. Mind you, I never did since 2004, the first time you told me. You health conscious prick. Help me gain weight cause you always wanted to see me healthy. Also, don't worry about practicality. I get it, dad, I just wanted to spoil you on your (unknowingly) last days which is why I wasn't too thrifty then. Calm down, okay. You know I inherited a lot of your traits so I got this. And dad, ew, you know I don't want to marry yet! Like srsly, we'll still buy your LCD TV, right? Haha. But... Dad, I wish I did marry earlier. Cause who's going to walk with me down the aisle now? You better do, dad. Your spirit better walk with me otherwise I'll have someone wear a mask with your face on it and force whoever he is to walk with me. Ha. Speaking of which, I already had plans for your Silver Wedding Anniversary, y'know. It breaks my heart knowing that you won't be there to celebrate it... Not even on our upcoming birthdays, Christmases, New Years, even Lela's graduation. Daddy, it won't ever be the same without your presence. Know that I'd always wish for you to be there.

I don't know how I'll start living again cause I never expected this to happen real soon. Nevertheless, I know God will guide us like He always did when you were still here. Daddy, thank you for being there with me for 20 years. It will never be enough for me but it is long enough to love you and feel your love. I love you, daddy. Always have and always will, and like what I'd always say in my previous posts, it is not Ralph, but you are my forever and always.

Rest in peace as well, tatay Temmy. I will never forget your life encouragements for me with regard to the family.

We lost two great men in the family in one night. Let us pray for them.