Unemployment Hits

Just two days into unemployment and I already feel mediocre.

As an employed citizen who gets recognized a lot, I used to be so proud having all of this and that... But I guess I blew things up with my impulsiveness after letting my emotions reign.

Or maybe I didn’t. I wish I didn’t.

I’ve always wanted to rest but now that I’m finally taking my sought-after break, I feel bad that I wanted to in the first place. Without having to think of shipping instructions, cut-offs, and other relevant shit, my inner demons would rear their heads, not allowing me to enjoy this break by reminding me that I am not as good as I think I am. 

I am fighting it. I am trying. But more of trying. 

 People have been asking why I quit before having a replacement. I don’t know either. I just wanted to take a break from all the drama I encountered in the recent months. I wish I did, though, so as to rid my head of thoughts. But things won’t always go as planned and you have to stop being harsh on yourself. Or so they say.

;

Julio is no Juliet

For the sake of all things holy and sane, please like her. I am begging you. Please do.

I may sound pathetic but I wish you'd see how her eyes light up when you smile. You may see a boy-crazy tiny tot but I see a potential girlfriend who would love and care for you eternally, the one who can pull off crazy efforts for you on occasions, the one who would cheer for you on your games and whatever you do, and the kind who would reassure you that she likes the things you do 'cause boy, oh boy, she would set aside her interests to delve into that world of yours. I just know, boy, and I wish you do too. You take her breath just by walking past her. 

Please don't be cliché-- you know there's more to life than tall, fair-skinned, skinny girls, right? Please, again for the sake of all things holy and sane, like her, and there won't be a day in your life that you'll look for your aforementioned ideals 'cause I'm sure as hell my girl would slay those with her wit, gut, and humor.

I wish you'd like her. Not just because I said so, but also because you were hit by my words. I don't want to force your feelings, hers as well, but I don't want you to miss out on... who knows, the greatest love story of your life, perhaps? The true love you have always prayed for? Again, no one knows, and you won't know until you take action.

For the last time, for the sake of all things holy and sane, please like her. You're missing out on a great girl who deserves to love and feel loved.

Good Looks Ain't Good Enough

An open letter to my privileged officemate who recently got on my nerves.

Hey, dude. Or should I say, "sup, bro?" 'cause in your own little world where money is nothing, that's how you say it. Remember the first employee engagement you were asked to join? I was supposed to be there but earlier that day, I asked my seniors who you are and immediately searched for you on Lync. I was shocked, alright. And hurt.

You have a nice name, really. And a nice title comes with it. Wow, dude, you just got in and you're already a step ahead from me. Wow. It read "Senior Associate." Wow. Just wow. It would've hurt less if I don't care however, I also learned that you just graduated college. Wow! Yay for you! And nay for my ego.

I came back to work after 5 days. The origins were on leave and so am I however, I had to come back that Thursday because fuck my life. I got on my station and my seat wasn't there. Apparently, you took it, so I came up to you and boy, oh boy. I was smittened with your boy-next-door aura and how cute you speak. You were nice. You brought my seat back for me. We learned you were well-off and you thought your salary is not enough when it was way pricier than mine. I admit, I had a crush on you. Until the going gets tough.

You were given to me for training. We talked a lot and I learned you're willing to submit to corruption. You failed an exam twice and was looking for someone whom you could pay to so he'll pass you. Things were redundant 'cause you won't write notes. I was never hard on you, in fact, I brought my nicest facade for you. I swear you abused me. People thought otherwise. It came to a point where we had to throw you out of my group. And you appear to be the victim.

You tainted my image. People sort of turned their backs on me. I was on the verge of giving up. Life went on for me. But it was never the same and never easy.

You hit strike 2 yesterday. I cried out of anger and frustration. You should know the process or at least have an idea of it after all, they gave you your position because of your course. I asked you to be considerate of me and you said you aren't considerate. Well, fuck you. This time I won't let you. You've just been exposed to our leader that you're just playing the victim card. You have been playing with us for so long I think it's about time to reveal who you really are. And nope, I won't change my personality for you. How about you change your work ethics so no one gets enraged, right?

You, sir, are an entitled rich kid. I hope you learned your lesson that the world does not revolve around you. 

And if you don't, well, let me slap with you the truth and a keyboard-- THIS PLACE IS NOT FOR YOU. Oh, and while you're at it, act your age. You're 24 and I'm 21 and who's stronger? Definitely, not you.

One more thing. Equate your attitude with how you look. I am an addition to everyone telling you that you are just a face.

Love, your bitch of an officemate,

J 

Invalidating Struggles

How sad it is to live in a world where all your ex-schoolmates-slash-colleagues are well-off. Not only because I don't belong to their social class, but also because I see them not having to struggle in terms of reaching their ambitions. The major steal is that they have someone to give them their wants and needs in an instant.

Also, did I mention that they never have to think about money?

I am currently 21 but I feel 35. Having to pay for your sister's tuition, bills, et al., is no joke given the fact that you have just started working and your earnings won't suffice yet.

Am I jealous? Maybe. Am I sad? HECK YEAH.

The hustle is difficult. It feels like I'm forced to mature at this age where some people my age don't even have responsibilities yet.

And here I am. Trying and trying but never enough. But I'm still grinding. And I hope I don't get weary.