Lifetime

Do you think if you ask me one last time I would admit?
Because I was thinking,
Maybe if I did...
We could’ve been something.

We could’ve been lovers sitting side by side in a place only the two of us know;
Talking ‘bout anything and everything,
Basking in the sound of our hearts beating,
Watching you smile, and then melting...

Oh, you were a good dream—
Vivid and surreal,
Enthralling, yet feigned,
Gone by morning.

Yet if serendipity hates me, then we will be bygones;
Strangers once again because things went erratic,
Awkward encounters minus the greetings,
Forced to go back to the life before I knew you...

Except, I don’t know life without you anymore.
To not interact with you everyday,
To feel you slowly drift away—
My worst nightmare, I dare say.

But this is the reality I chose when you asked and I did not answer--
A world with you in it, but you are never mine.
A world where you are happy, but not with me.
A lifetime where I wish that hopefully, you are wishing of me too.

Devils Roll The Dice, Angels Roll Their Eyes

It’s 9:42 and I am on the floor with alcohol and feelings I don’t know the name of.

I am as dazed as I am certain that you feel it too. I may or may not be making things up but my gut tells me otherwise. I wish I am not making things up. I WOULD LOVE IT IF I WEREN’T. Except, I am not sober thinking about this at that moment.

The clock ticked 11:19 and I wait for you to make the first move. You didn’t, so I did.

And I hate that I did. I am sobering up and I’m still pondering about it. So I guess, joke’s on me cause intoxicated or not, the thought has already consumed me. Who am I kidding, though? I act like it just happened when in all honesty, it’s been like this for quite a few months already and I’ve been playing it cool since. I loved playing it stupid.

03:20 now with my slumber disturbed, I have no idea what to do. I’ve long concluded that this is errant but I could just pray to the lord to make this stop.

Or rather, make me stop. I know this is a spur of a moment kind of thing but it’s as if I almost wanted to delve in this illusion I did or did not make up. But I want to be proven wrong as much as this is wrong.

It’s 6:32 and I just woke up.

Still with feelings I don’t know the name of.