Friday, July 24, 2020

A Look into Lover

I wonder what comes into people's minds when they hear Taylor Swift. As a die hard fan who's vocal that her life revolved around her music (and her life), people never fail to identify me as "the swiftie" in the bunch-- It must be how I overshare posts about her on my personal accounts or how I'd get giddy everytime she's the topic, but for some reason, there will always be a way that I get to share to everyone about how big of a fan I am. And I'm proud, just so you know. My relationship with her is the longest I've had, Ralph can't even compete.

Almost a year ago, Lover came out. It is my favorite so far and I knew it even before it was released. I was so stoked that I'll tell my friends "N days left and there won't be 'Lover'-less days anymore!" every time I had the chance. I mean, hello, every Swiftie knows that Taylor releases new music every two years and it’s that time again. Also, you know how crazy fandoms can get when it’s album launch time... Damn crazy.

As I see it, Lover is a reminiscent of Fearless and Speak Now mixed with a whole lot of 1989. I love it, really. From the aesthetic down to the tracklist-- Lover, for me, is perfect. I had really strong feelings about it that I made a mini review based on the first few streams that I did. Now, my question, do I still feel the same about this?

We'll find out.

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Ahhhh, I Forgot That You Existed. To be honest, I skip this a lot. I don't know, maybe it's not just my jam but still, I think it's a bop and I really enjoy listening to it on days that I actually include it in my playlist. Also, I stand by what I said-- IT IS A VERY FITTING OPENING FOR THE ALBUM.

Favorite Lyrics:
I forgot that you existed
I did, I did, I did
It isn't hate, it's just indifference
It isn't love, it isn't hate
It's just indifference

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CRUEL SUMMER. IS. THAT BITCH. Almost a year later, this is still the number 1 song in my On Repeat playlist! I am so inlove with this song that I would always tweet about it to the point that people started listening to it too. I mean, I can't blame them, the Cruel Summer bug is real-- catchy tune + great lyrics-- ladies and gents, we have here a pop masterpiece. Thank you, Taylor Swift, for giving this to us.

Favorite Lyrics:
Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't true
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
And I, snuck in through the garden gate
Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)
And I screamed, "For whatever it's worth"
"I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

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Fight me on this one but Lover is one of the best love songs a singer has released in recent times. If you still disagree, do me a favor and watch live performances of this song. Trust me, you won't regret it. This is a great song made even better when sung live.

Favorite Lyrics:
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

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I still love The Man! Although it didn't get the attention it deserves, at least we have something great to refer to every time we need a song that entails women empowerment. Also, an equally good acoustic version of this was performed live in London during the City of Lover concert!

Favorite Lyrics:
If I was out flashin' my dollars
I'd be a bitch, not a baller
They'd paint me out to be bad
So it's okay that I'm mad

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I am actually in a love-hate relationship with The Archer. I'd skip it, yes, but not its live versions. Meh. Still one of my least favorite, I'm so sorry.

Favorite Lyrics:
I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost
The room is on fire, invisible smoke
And all of my heroes die all alone
Help me hold onto you

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I'm apologize, I Think He Knows, for thinking that you are a skip. YOU ARE NOT A SKIP. It's just that you are an acquired taste. LOL. Kidding aside, this is one of those fun songs that you dig deep and realize that oh, it's actually a naughty flirty song hidden behind a really good pop tune. Genius.

Favorite Lyrics:
Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh
We can follow the sparks, I'll drive
So where we gonna go?
I whisper in the dark
Where we gonna go?
I think he knows

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Yep, Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince is up there on top. Aaaannnndddd, almost a year later, I still don't have much to say. Sure, it's a good song, but not really the kind I'd listen to again and again. I won't skip it but I won't look for it either. But it's still good.

Favorite Lyrics:
My team is losing
Battered and bruising
I see the high fives
Between the bad guys
Leave with my head hung
You are the only one
Who seems to care

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Everytime Paper Rings would play, Amanda Bynes' What A Girl Wants poster would come into my mind. I don't know, for me it has that vibe-- carefree, fun, and chic. I still love this song. Though I've seen stans on Twitter saying that it doesn't fit the album 'cause apparently, it's too "childish", I think its peculiarity is what makes it stand out especially on the first few times you'll listen to the album. Although yes, I agree that amidst being a cute bop, listening to it again and again will make you grow tired of the song. Still, you'll love when it randomly pops up on your playlist that you won't be able to resist its charm.

Favorite Lyrics:
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want, and
I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want, and
Paper rings and picture frames and all my dreams
You're the one I want, and
Paper rings and picture frames and all my dreams
Oh, you're the one I want

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Cornelia Street really is god-tier. Have you heard the live version of this song? Man, it was so good that there's not a day that I didn't listen to it when they made it available on Spotify. I'm actually really speechless right now but I stand by what I said. It's a classic and this is one of my top favorite songs of all time.

Favorite Lyrics:
Barefoot in the kitchen
Sacred new beginnings
That became my religion, listen
I hope I never lose you
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Oh, never again

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Ok, I was right about this not being a single but it's one of the few, lucky ones that has been performed live and has a really good acoustic version. Also, Death by a Thousand Cuts is a grower! A few listens and realizations here and there made me love this even more. I also watched Someone Great, the film where Tay drew inspo from and I loved it just as much.

Favorite Lyrics:
My heart, my hips, my body, my love
Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch
Gave up on me like I was a bad drug
Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club
Our songs, our films, united, we stand
Our country, guess it was a lawless land
Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand
Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans
My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust
Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up
Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough
But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

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I still find London Boy cute but I grew quite tired of it. Well, except the rap part, but still.

Favorite Lyrics:
Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride
Babe, don't threaten me with a good time
They say home is where the heart is
But God, I love the English

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This is prolly the most emotional song in the album and we all know why. Soon You'll Get Better still affects me one year later and I still think it's hauntingly good.

Favorite Lyrics:
Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too

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Aaaaaand, False God, it's almost your time. Lol, I kid you not. I don't listen to this quite often but I've grown to appreciate it more.

Favorite Lyrics:
I know heaven's a thing
I go there when you touch me, honey
Hell is when I fight with you
But we can patch it up good
Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness
Got the wine for you

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Same feels for You Need To Calm Down. Next!

Favorite Lyrics:
Say it in the street, that's a knock-out
But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out

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Still on top, one year later. There's just something with Afterglow that makes it beautiful-- the remorse within the lyrics, the sound, I really don't know. To be honest, though, it's just in the middle of my list because I don't think I felt anything when I heard it the first time. It's part of the criteria, okay!

Favorite Lyrics:
It's so excruciating to see you low
Just wanna lift you up and not let you go
This ultraviolet morning light below
Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

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Lol, what was I saying? I like ME! but I think I over exaggerated it that time. I grew tired of the song a year later but I'm still not skipping it because I think it's a nice song to dance to.

Favorite Lyrics:
I know I tend to make it about me
I know you never get just what you see
But I will never bore you, baby

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Ok, so, It's Nice to Have a Friend is a good song but guess what? I STILL CAN'T MEMORIZE THE LYRICS ALMOST A YEAR LATER. I'd listen to it from time to time but yeah. I hope it finds its way to my heart.

Favorite Lyrics:
Church bells ring, carry me home
Rice on the ground looks like snow
Call my bluff, call you "babe"
Have my back, yeah, everyday
Feels like home, stay in bed
The whole weekend
It's nice to have a friend

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If you're looking for a song that tackles contentment and finally being happy, this is it. Guess it's safe to say that Daylight is on my top 3 favorites on the album. C'mon, what's not to like? Aside from being a lyrical masterpiece, its sound would make you want to listen to it. Also, it is actually parallel to Red, another of Tay's masterpiece, and their contrasts made this song even more sensible. There was also a damn good mash-up of them in the City of Lover! Listen to it if you want a good cry.

Favorite Lyrics:
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
(I can never look away)
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
(Things will never be the same)
I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night
(Now I'm wide awake)
And now I see daylight (I see daylight)
I only see daylight (oh)

Unknowingly, it's the Lover era's last day because out of nowhere, Taylor caught us off guard and announced that she'll release a new album today! As much as we are stoked, I know in my heart that I'm still not ready to get over Lover’s greatness. But what better way to celebrate it by posting and editing a rough draft that has been sleeping on my drafts for quite a long time now, yes? Yes!

Lover, you have my most favorite songs and prolly, the most feels I have for a song. You are one of the bests and you deserve a recognition. You are album of the year and I’m sorry that people failed to recognize that. You are probably Taylor's shortest era but you'll live long enough in the records to make an impact to everyone who listens to your greatness. Know that you’ll always hold a special place in my heart, so as the person I dedicate you to. It was a really good run and you deserve better. Thank you and I love you!

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Friday, July 10, 2020

Dreaming of a Friday Night Out

My Fridays are always spontaneous. One day I'm out having drinks with the girls then the next, I am declining every invite because I want to curl up in bed.

However, due to this pandemic, it’s usually just the latter except, I don't have any invites to decline. Ok, maybe Zoom and Houseparty invites, but still... I am left with no choice because I'm still at home. Curled up in bed, probably.

I wonder why I feel indifferent doing catch-ups online-- I see you, yes, thanks to modern technology, but for me it’s not similar with meeting you in flesh. Sure it does the job but I still feel like something's missing... Or maybe I'm just too clingy?

Prior to this whole fiasco, Fridays would never not pump me up. Aside from being the last working day, it's the only day of the week that doesn't feel hectic and strenuous. For some reason, Fridays are always light-hearted-- like your typical rom-com movie that leaves you smitten after watching.

With some reservations, I can say that I still kinda look forward to Fridays. Work from home includes invasion of personal time and I’ve come to accept it just now. For a month, it brought me to a dark place. It made me high-functional because I tend to overthink things--I thought I can't fail, I knew I can't. And as long as this is considered as "normal", I don't think I can love it the same way because I know Saturdays are business as usual... And I need a break!

Now that it's been months since I last stepped outside, I found myself dreaming of a night out while being nostalgic about a lot of things. I'd rather not be at home now.

I long to be somewhere chill with my college clique. Chill because we‘re too loud and we don't want other people overpowering our energy. LOL. I'm still hungover from the night we had unlimited sangria at UCC two freakin' years ago. That was the night we talked endlessly about adulting and relationships; something we never did until then! But if there’s one thing I’m really after, it’s laughing boisterously at the jokes we make in between because as I’ve said, it's always a crazy good time with this witty bunch who’s always packed with ludicrous banters. GAHD, I MISS THESE GIRLS THE MOST.

I also miss wine nights with with my work buddies. I seldom join but all those times have etched a memoir in my mind that I think I miss Torch now when at some point in my life, I grew tired of their nachos and thought their salsa sucks. Our discussions would always vary in maturity but whatever it is, we tend to laugh it off after.

Ahhhh, Vertis! It has been one of my fave spots recently, thanks to its vicinity from where I work. Whether it be Mama Lou's, Scout's Honor, or BonChon, a good dinner and a nice catch up with one of my friends would hit a spot right in the tummy and in my clingy heart.

Would I dare leave a coffee shop out of this? Of course not! I miss having my usual at one of Starbuck's very lowkey branches (that I won't dare mention) and oh, my iced pure blended double chocolate from CBTL! Ohhhhh, to be able to slack off in a couch with a bff and talk about life in general. Just one of the few things we can’t do now without extra caution.

Man, I miss going out. And for the first time, my introvert ass approves.

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Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Lifetime

Do you think if you ask me one last time I would admit?
Because I was thinking,
Maybe if I did...
We could’ve been something.

We could’ve been lovers sitting side by side in a place only the two of us know;
Talking ‘bout anything and everything,
Basking in the sound of our hearts beating,
Watching you smile, and then melting...

Oh, you were a good dream—
Vivid and surreal,
Enthralling, yet feigned,
Gone by morning.

Yet if serendipity hates me, then we will be bygones;
Strangers once again because things went erratic,
Awkward encounters minus the greetings,
Forced to go back to the life before I knew you...

Except, I don’t know life without you anymore.
To not interact with you everyday,
To feel you slowly drift away—
My worst nightmare, I dare say.

But this is the reality I chose when you asked and I did not answer--
A world with you in it, but you are never mine.
A world where you are happy, but not with me.
A lifetime where I wish that hopefully, you are wishing of me too.

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Monday, June 22, 2020

Life Update

That no one asked for. Lol. I thought I should write this down since I'm growing older and my memory is starting to suck. Also, I've always loved looking back at my old writings from time to time and re-reading them makes me nostalgic. Soooo, forgive me.

First off, I'm back to work! The order came right on time because at that point, I already maxed my leaves which means I'm on the verge of a no-work-no-pay setup. I remember praying about how my bills are making me anxious and surprisingly, I got a text from my manager the next day! As grateful as I was, I didn't expect that I'll be rendering overtime for the first few weeks. Order skew quantity, allocation documents-- I haven't done any of those in three months and boy, I missed it. NOT.

But I'm here to tell you that despite being exhausted from work, I'm surprisingly happy? Question mark because I can't explain it either. Although, I figured, I think I love the feeling of being able to be of service to anyone. I don't know, but for some reason, it makes me feel validated. I'd be over the moon every time someone tells me I was able to help them even in the simplest form. Good god, I'm actually smitten just writing about it now.

In other news, I was able to see my boyfriend again! I actually have nothing to say about this because my feelings are over the place and I can't articulate it well but really, I'm generally happy. Face time won't do it for me, I'd still go for our usual hugs and lovey dovey stuff. Also, it's warmer when we're together!

From where I live, father's day is almost over. To be honest, I diligently read a lot of post and while some made me laugh and others made me cry, I tend to feel jelly overall. Not that I'm complaining that we're celebrating it, in fact, I think I liked almost every tribute on Facebook... but there will always be a gaping hole every time an occasion happens and of course, father's day is when it's hella evident. I don't know, it's been 5 fatherless years and I still miss him everyday. And I hope I make him proud.

Sigh, I needed an outlet. This should end here, I guess.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2020

2020 1st Quarter Recap: The World That Was

New Year’s Day has always been associated with new beginnings. For some reason, it has that feeling of fervent hope that alludes people into doing something they've never done. From creating resolutions to finally doing the drastic change-- the impulse is just 'round the corner and the options to looking and feeling new are limitless.

For me, though, it also brought fright. When I was young, they aired gruesome warning ads that scarred me. Now that I’m older (and probably, wiser), what scares me is the uncertainty that accompanies it. My realist self is not that optimistic but to be fair, I’m just managing my expectations so I could contain my emotions. With that, you may ask, how was 2020 for me so far?

We start off with January, my favorite. Aside from the chill vibe and the chilly weather, it’s my birth month! Bias, I know, but there's something with that month that screams "trial season!" where we can still make room for mistakes. Unfortunately though, I was sick on New Year’s Day so I opted to stay home.

Believe me, I used to have photos of fireworks every year because we always celebrate it in our grandparents’ house but since I’m down with flu, this is the closest I can get to a New Year’s kiss.

We were required to go back to work immediately the day after. We gotta keep the hustle going so I wore something cute to refrain myself from looking like I’m not enthusiastic for the incoming year. You can prolly say that I perfectly faked it.



I turned 25 this year! I was at my worst state a few days prior because of all the jitters my possible promotion is sending me; in fact, the boyfriend prepared something on the weekend prior and we forgot to take a photo because I was having the worst mental breakdown. However, I’m more than glad that it happened when I’m with him because no one knows how to handle me better. Oh, and it was our 7th year anniversary getaway! Damn, I couldn’t be more regretful that we forgot to take a photo. Or was it in his phone? I’m not sure.

Our college clique agreed to meet one last time before Jans left for New Zealand. At the time these photos were taken, she was just about to get married to her then fiancé! And like our usual hangs, we went home with tummy aches because this crazy bunch is hilarious as always.

Crazy how one of us is already hitched when we’d still joke about immature stuff all the time. I swear, we also made jokes about what our friend will expect in NZ, lol. Come to think of it though, that’s what I like about us— we make dealing with things fun, whether it be serious or not.

If you happen to stumble upon this post, beshy, know that I’m happy for you. You deserve a love that makes you happy and a person that matches your energy. You have always been the one in charge for as long as I can remember and you deserve someone who you can take a break with but hustles the same way you do— and I think your hubby is that person. Love you! I hope to see you all soon!

It’s finally my birthday! Crazy how it fell on the day of my performance review when it’s all I’ve been worried about. While my immediate supervisor and I were on session, our momager (lol) ordered food for the entire team! She even joked that it was my blowout and that they should thank me. *puppy eyes emoji* It was all on her though! And I appreciate that part. Also, look at what my bestfriend Diego got me!

Ralph paid me a visit at home and got me food! Again, why don’t we have photos? Ugh.

Our company has a thing for celebrations. Our Cebuano owners paid homage to their town by bringing the fiesta to the city. It was free ice cream at work day!

Cera’s birthday fell on the last week of the month and what better way to celebrate it but with a weekend getaway! We went to Zambales for her “Taylor Swift” year and... I can’t remember anything from there because I was too drunk. Kidding! But we had so much drinks, sand, and games that I can’t articulate how fun that weekend was.

My introverted and socially anxious ass is extra grateful to everyone for being so warm! I was very anxious before all of this because I haven’t gone out with them yet and I didn’t know what to expect but I’m glad I overcame my fear ‘cause it turns out this trip is going to be one for the books!

Trial month ended and we are all settled in. February is here!

Our friend, Ruby, resigned. We were sad to see her go but of course we can’t let her just flee without feeling special; we had despedidas left and right and achievement unlocked: we made her cry! We sure miss you everyday, Rubs.

Celebrating our founder’s birthday is one of our company’s many traditions. For this year, we were served with lechon! Peep us smiling with the food like we aren’t impatiently waiting for our turn.

For Valentine’s this year, I got Ralph a gift. Which is very unusual since I’m always too broke and I have shitload of bills to pay. And he loved it! He couldn’t stop being touchy when I told him I’ll get him this. As for me, I’d give myself a pat on the back for getting him something he always wanted to have.

Last year, our barkada hopped on to what will be our new fave destination— La Union!

Andrea missed last year’s trip due to work so we promised to go back. Since everyone can’t come this year because they were scared of the virus, we risk-takers just made it a tita trip.



When we said we’re going on a tita trip, we really made it a tita trip. All we did was lounge, eat, and take photos! It was chill and relaxing, the kind we could take for days when we need a break from the world. Truly, going to the beach is therapeutic. I can’t wait to go back when all of this is over!

March started off strong with a surprise party for Ralph’s cousin. I was invited!

They have a tight-knit family and he’s really close with his cousins. They have a certain liking for gatherings, hence this, and I even got into one of the games and won a Starbucks GC! To cap off the day, we went to the arcades to play with everyone's favorite baby, Luis. I’m not sure if it’s him or us who enjoyed more, though...

I’ve mentioned earlier that we have tons of company traditions; here’s another one.


From where I work, March signifies that the most-awaited GREAT Awards is just lurking around the corner. It’s that time of the year when everyone gets dolled up and hope for the best. Some of us, though, just hopes that we make it to the buffet table before food runs out. LMAO.

One of the highlights of the night is when our teammates bagged an award. It was unexpected given that the year was rough for our brand but still, they thrived and their hard work didn’t go unnoticed. Proud of you, guys!

I came home with my work sisters. I forgot to mention that we booked a hotel for dressing up but actually, it was for a night full of drinking! A photoshoot with hungover titas ensued the morning after.

Guess what? I still managed to go out with Ralph’s family later that day. Talk about tireless!

Things went haywire the week after. Cases exponentially rose in various countries that establishments had to close down. We weren’t even allowed to go out unless we're going to the grocery. Our mobility has been limited to only our homes for safety.

Of course we still managed to see each other before all these hullabaloo, we insisted. Actually, Ralph did. We had a petty fight and I refused to go anymore, lol. Good thing he did because the quarantine wasn’t supposed to take this long. As of this writing it has been 2 months since we last saw each other and I miss him already! Mind you, there was an apocalyptic vibe the last time we went out so you could just imagine our fear.

Half of March was spent at home. It’s either I’m doing nothing or I’m working from home. Kidding, it was just partly working.

I wasn’t expecting this, in fact, we pursued our beach trip because we thought this will all be over soon. I’m not gonna lie though, I don’t have concrete plans on how I’ll spend my summer but this is not the route I'm planning to take.

My fingers are crossed that things will get better despite how challenging these times are. For an introvert who constantly declines invites and stays home, this is becoming tedious. I also get bouts of anxiousness and mental breakdowns here and there but I strive. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, sometimes through writing— I have my ways of coping up and more often than not, it's becoming less sufficient. But again, we thrive.

To better days.

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Saturday, May 2, 2020

Of Old Habits and the New Normal

I came to the conclusion that if you’re here, it’s probably because I posted a cryptic Instagram story of my blog page and you know what it means as one of my trusted friends, oooorrrr you stumbled upon my Instagram page and clicked the link that I added in my bio. Eitherway, I know we’ve both got nothing good to do so here you are, marveling at the output of my faux productivity. Blah blah blah, welcome to the cyber loft!

To be honest, the welcome was unnecessary.

Supposedly, today is the end of the lockdown but due to circumstances that would probably kill us [alongside our government's incompetence], it was extended for another 15 days thus, further tormenting my overthinking mind. Though I am in favor of it, I can't help but still be anxious because medical solutions are continuously being overlooked by the clowns in power. #SolusyongMedikalHindiMilitar. Also, the double standards being exhibited in handling quarantine violations angers me. So far, someone has been shot to death and another has been mauled while our government officials who did worse than them gets compassion. Ignorance of the law excuses no one, we know that, but if these nonchalant pigs who are supposed to be exemplary are being excused, then my faith in this government remains intangible.

Work from home has been less serious on my end, if I may say. We aren't needed as much as everyone else (YET! *knocks on wood*) as of this time-being and for some reason, it's driving me crazy. For context, y'all know that I always have the urge to compete-- I feel like I should always do things better than anyone else and/or emerge on top, however, I don't feel like being productive in the middle of the pandemic since my mind is already preoccupied with shitload of things. Awhile back, my manager commended me, saying it's good that I've been setting standards for myself. I don't know if I should believe her still because recently, these standards have been giving me anxiety attacks for fear that I might be underperforming and my work-related growth will be hindered. Again, this is on me and my constant need for recognition-induced validation. Yeah, fuck me alright, maybe I should take a chill pill.

With all these in my mind, maybe you're wondering, how do I cope?

For starters, I binge-watch everything that I can.

From vlogs to series, I skip from one title to another because having something to divert my feelings to eases me. Everytime I need a good laugh, I'd just pop Filthy Frank's or Team Payaman's channels on YouTube for quality comedic content that will surely leave your guts hurting. I'd also watch lifestyle vlogs and feel bad that I'm poor. Kidding! But I love watching designer hauls and shoe & bag collections. Also, I tune in to Good Times for my weekly dose of laughter, care of my favorite DJs from Magic. All thanks to their intellectual and humorous opinions regarding random, mundane topics, I am entertained just before dozing off. Time and again, I've proven that I'm a huge slacker when it comes to watching series but I've managed to watch all 5 seasons of Peaky Blinders! Its historic references is what probably got me but Tommy Shelby and Polly Gray's brilliant minds got me hooked. I've watched light binges as well such as Never Have I Ever and Too Hot to Handle just to maximize my money's worth on subscription. Ok, now, what do I watch next? Hmm.



I style.

Virtually, that is, since all I could do with my clothes now is to wash and fold them. Years ago, I would spend hours in Polyvore curating outfits that I wish to wear in occasions that I made up in my mind. Such a shame that the site shutdown last year and I had no idea! I wasn't able to backup my sets and now it's gone forever. 😞 Desperate, I looked for an alternative... and found Urstyle! And believe it or not, they were the owners of Polyvore! I couldn't be happier. Peep some of my sets below!




I pig out.

Ok, I think everyone's been pigging out because what is left for us to do? Lucky me, my mom has awesome cooking skills and she cooks everything I'd request! She'd gladly cook for me to the point that finally, I gained weight. Yes, you read that right! Although I've yet to confirm how heavy my gains are, I can tell that I finally fit in my clothes and I can hang my belts now! 😂



I write.

You know I would include this, it has to be here. Anyway, I brought my planner home and I would still write on it weekly as if my plans weren't affected by the pandemic. Aside from that, of course I've been drafting and blogging. No more explanations here because I did a lengthy one in my previous blog! Read if you're interested.

This is not what I would write on a daily basis. This is me pretending to write something while in a conference call.



I catch-up with my loved ones.

One of the few good things that this fiasco has brought us is our sudden need for connection. I heard a lot of you started talking to their exes, eh? Welp, I hope you don't get burned by the same flame twice. And as for me, your one-man woman, I've only reconnected with old cliques so far. Yeah, as if I have an ex to reconcile with. Anyway, a meet up has been set and I can't wait for it to happen soon! Errr, but right now, let's stick with our online parties since gatherings are still prohibited. Law-abiding citizens, baby!


Sometime this summer, I officially became a member of my boyf's fam's cousins only group chat HAHA



I shop.

 Not gonna lie, retail therapy does soothe your nerves in a way. It's the chamomile tea for shopaholics whose hands are tingling! LMAO. Okay, just to clear things up, I am in no way an impulsive buyer. All those that I added to my cart are either within my budget or Ralph has offered to pay. HAHAHAHAAHA! But yeah, I hate to admit, but I love the feeling. Looking forward to have your order in your hands? The convenience of shopping everything and anything within your home? Having all the time in the world to decide which one to buy without a sales person judging you? Hallelujah! Thank God for online shopping.

Believe me, I needed all of this


I doll up.

I thought I was the only one but I came across this popular tweet where some people have agreed (with the tweet-er) that they feel a taste of normalcy by getting glammed up. I've been a bum since the start of this lockdown which means, I haven't dolled up in a really long time. Feeling myself from time to time sure does lift my spirits up for a bit... in fact, you should check my camera roll, I took a lot of selfies.

My new favorite selfie


As much as I love updating this thing and the unusual influx of creative juice, I'm still bummed that I am not in some villa by the beach up north having a good time with my work bestfriends. Yep, I have a supposed out of town trip to La Union and of course it didn't happen because of the pandemic.

Sigh. I can't wait for the day that this is all over.
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Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Writing in 2020 for Your Resident Writer

It's 3 AM-ish and I’m feeling nostalgic.  

The last time I consistently slept at midnight was in college— some nights were dedicated for school and most were for my musings. Either I’m writing or I’m typing, it always has to be at par with what my mind is blurting otherwise, I’d be frustrated for not being able to properly convey my feelings in the way I am most familiar with. 

 And I can’t believe I am doing it again years later.

Writing has always been my sanctuary. For some reason, it kept me sane. It was the only self-expression I'm probably capable of that I've had entries for my blissful, gloomy, shattered, smitten, and whatever-you-can-think-of days. I could still remember the gush when a topic would suddenly pop in my head as I'm busy with something, or when I'd weave a good sentence out of nowhere and I'd frantically draft it in my primitive phone so I could incorporate it in whatever I'm going to write about later on. At that time, it was very liberating for me to produce write-ups out of my introspection especially because I had no one to talk to and I was told that I write quite well. Although my fastidious self would struggle curating my stories from time to time, it helped me hone my craft while enjoying it. Clicking the "Publish" button would always make me happy as well as having positive feedback from people who came here to read. It was probably my peak? 

Now, it's more of an achievement. My post count dipped and I'm really saddened that I haven't moved on from my massive writer's block. A lot has happened since those sleepless nights and I haven't written anything about them yet all because I can't put stories into words like I used to. Oh, and work kept me busy that I think one or two entries a year would suffice. Again, I am a perfectionist and I can't even surpass my own standards. Guess I'm the problem, eh?

Or maybe this year, I can be better. I hope I can be better.
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Sunday, March 29, 2020

Sundays Currently III

This Sunday, I am currently...


READING

My previous posts. I am trying to inspire myself by looking back at how creative I was. I'm not sure if this would regenerate my creative juice flow but look, this is my second write-up for the year already! Not bad for someone who only made 2 entries for the year prior.


WRITING

My third Sundays Currently in the hopes of reviving this blog. I swear, I've been trying to write again. I know I've been saying the exact same line every year but ever since my work BFF found out that I was a "writer" and read some of my previous entries, he started pushing me to continue my childhood passion. I initially thought it was a good idea, but my wary self held back and thought it might be too late for me. It may or may not be, but I'm not gonna lie-- he really got me up and writing again that the Notes app in my phone is teeming with drafts! And I might just share them with you if I could make a masterpiece out of them.


LISTENING

NIKI has been my go-to artist for a few months now! When I started listening to her, I am more inclined towards her upbeat, dance-y tunes but lately I have been listening to her acoustic covers lost somewhere in YouTube. Do me a favor and listen to her version of Honeymoon Avenue!


THINKING

About this pandemic. In case you've been sleeping under a rock, the world is in a global crisis brought about by a certain coronavirus. Google it up for further explanations because I won't be doing any (lol) but you should know that shit is real since it has claimed a thousand lives already and it's causing a(n impeding) global recession. I am seriously anxious about it as much as I'm anxious that I am not delivering well enough to my manager. Uhmmm, people pleaser Jowi, you might want to take a rest?



SMELLING

The upcoming revolution. See you on the streets.


WISHING

That this crisis will be over soon. Everyone is sure that behaviors will change along with the demise of the pandemic but right now, it's bringing out the best and the worst in humanity and I am both amused and angered at the same time. I also wish that people will be more empathetic in these trying times. 



HOPING

Once this is over and everyone is well, I hope things fall into place for me.


WEARING

This nice satin PJ set... Kidding! I have no one to impress at home so I just donned my Elmo duster that I've been wearing since I was 12.



LOVING

The late night calls Ralph and I are having. We haven't seen each other for weeks and my anxiety has gone through the roof. It's the only thing that has been keeping me sane lately.


WANTING

As introvert as can be, being in my personal space gives me life but lately, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GO OUT! Maybe this is not the ideal time but I really miss planning my outfits, doing my makeup, eating out, going to work (workaholic spotted), hanging out with my friends, dating my boyfriend, yadda yadda, I could go on, really, but the bottomline is I just miss going out and this is driving me nuts. I suddenly want to regret all the times I ditched an invite. 



NEEDING

I need to make a decision. I found myself watching curly hair transformation vlogs lately and I've been dying to grow my natural hair since. Should I do it? I have been chemically straight for half my life and if my tresses could talk I bet they'll be thanking me if I go natural.


FEELING


A tad bit lonely with what is happening to the world and whole lot of pissed with how this government is handling this crisis. AND I MISS RALPH.
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Saturday, March 28, 2020

Hey,

It’s been a while since I penned something personal here. I mean, everything I’ve written here is personal, it’s just that I think I haven’t written anything that’s not structured, poem-like, or letter-like for the longest time. A diary kinda write-up, that is.

Like it matters.

Anyway, I missed blogging like this! I can’t even remember the last time I came here to just randomly vent without overanalyzing what everyone would say when they stumble upon this rabbit hole. I know, I know, it's not like I have a lot of readers, but my adult self won't advertise her blog like she did back in the day. 

Hmmm, maybe I spilled a thing or two about this to some friends but I only gave the link to the person I trust the most. And I'm glad I did just that, 'cause I backread and halfway through doing so, I was cringing at some of  the things I've written here! Well, some made me proud though, but what would they say if they get their hands on this? 

Welp, there is nothing new to show anyway... 

Until today, that is! Three months into the year and here I am trying to revamp this entire thing. Usually, the urge comes later in the year but due to incessant boredom, I found myself in the process of editing the template (as in how this blog looks) but I hated the resolution of the images in my output so I've decided to just halt the entire renovation thing until I find out the reason. Man, I was really looking forward to a more minimalist look, though! I've gotten really tired of the princess-y pink themes I stuck with through the years and this new one I came up with is more matured as it fits my current aesthetic. And age.

I am now 25! Older, wiser, but more emotional and more empathetic, probably.

Before the year started, one of my best buds asked what I wanted for the incoming year-- I told him, I wish everything would fall into place for me. I've always stated in this cyber outlet how things were never in my favor and, surprise! They still aren't, up to this day. But don't worry. I'm still your persistent baby girl who believes that working hard... still won't get you there. LOL. This is the second time this happened to me. This feeling's familiar already, I should know how to react, but no, I can't help but succumb to my feelings. No one is to blame, just me and my thirst for recognition-induced validation. Do me a favor and tell me this isn't bad and things will be alright.

You might be wondering, why does it seem like have a lot of time in my hands? Well, how can I forget? We are on a community lockdown and we're not allowed to go out. This is the government's effort to reduce a pandemic, minus the mass testing. Stupid, I know.

I am an introvert and staying at home is starting to bore the hell out of me! For real, I already miss going outside and that's unusual because those words never mixed in my vocabulary. Okay, maybe I just miss the boyfriend badly.

Years from now, my nostalgic ass would re-read parts of this blog (I should know, I have been doing that) and remember how all of this made me feel. I should be enraged reading this by then but I wish I should also be relieved by that time because I really hope that things would be better when the time comes. Crossing my fingers!

P.S.: I'm sorry for how bad and random this turned out.
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Sunday, October 6, 2019

Still Into You

Day 1 into this relationship and I’ve already kept in the back of my mind that two weeks after, you’re going to get tired and then leave me eventually. 

But look, love. Almost 7 years later, here you are still proving me wrong.

I long for you on days that we can’t physically be together. The world has never been nice to me but with you around, I feel like I could conquer it.

You know, love, I really don’t get why but when I’m on my own, I always have to be strong— not just for myself, but for everyone else as well. With you, I can let my guard down and be the one being looked out after. I've always loved the feeling. My heart is always at ease when yours is near. Your mere presence comforts me— it has always been the reliever I needed for my panic attacks. Goodness, what I would do to always be around you.

You are my home— the walls I could always lean on, the roof that is up there to provide me warmth and protection, and the door that is always open to welcome me. You are where I'm most comfortable and loved. You are mine. And yes,

I’d love to go home to you.
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Monday, September 16, 2019

Devils Roll The Dice, Angels Roll Their Eyes

It’s 9:42 and I am on the floor with alcohol and feelings I don’t know the name of.

I am as dazed as I am certain that you feel it too. I may or may not be making things up but my gut tells me otherwise. I wish I am not making things up. I WOULD LOVE IT IF I WEREN’T. Except, I am not sober thinking about this at that moment.

The clock ticked 11:19 and I wait for you to make the first move. You didn’t, so I did.

And I hate that I did. I am sobering up and I’m still pondering about it. So I guess, joke’s on me cause intoxicated or not, the thought has already consumed me. Who am I kidding, though? I act like it just happened when in all honesty, it’s been like this for quite a few months already and I’ve been playing it cool since. I loved playing it stupid.

03:20 now with my slumber disturbed, I have no idea what to do. I’ve long concluded that this is errant but I could just pray to the lord to make this stop.

Or rather, make me stop. I know this is a spur of a moment kind of thing but it’s as if I almost wanted to delve in this illusion I did or did not make up. But I want to be proven wrong as much as this is wrong.

It’s 6:32 and I just woke up.

Still with feelings I don’t know the name of.
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Friday, September 13, 2019

Hope You're Smitten

To my favorite inbox notif,
here i am greeting you a happy birthday,
wishing it'd be your favorite notif as well
out of the hundred greetings you'd prolly get.



Some sappy birthday message I made for a friend who wants to greet the girl he likes.
She doesn't deserve my quality writing tho.
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Thursday, January 11, 2018

Unemployment Hits

Just two days into unemployment and I already feel mediocre.

As an employed citizen who gets recognized a lot, I used to be so proud having all of this and that... But I guess I blew things up with my impulsiveness after letting my emotions reign.

Or maybe I didn’t. I wish I didn’t.

I’ve always wanted to rest but now that I’m finally taking my sought-after break, I feel bad that I wanted to in the first place. Without having to think of shipping instructions, cut-offs, and other relevant shit, my inner demons would rear their heads, not allowing me to enjoy this break by reminding me that I am not as good as I think I am. 

I am fighting it. I am trying. But more of trying. 

  People have been asking why I quit before having a replacement. I don’t know either. I just wanted to take a break from all the drama I encountered in the recent months. I wish I did, though, so as to rid my head of thoughts. But things won’t always go as planned and you have to stop being harsh on yourself. Or so they say.

 ;
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Sunday, June 18, 2017

Julio is no Juliet

For the sake of all things holy and sane, please like her. I am begging you. Please do.

I may sound pathetic but I wish you'd see how her eyes light up when you smile. You may see a boy-crazy tiny tot but I see a potential girlfriend who would love and care for you eternally, the one who can pull off crazy efforts for you on occasions, the one who would cheer for you on your games and whatever you do, and the kind who would reassure you that she likes the things you do 'cause boy, oh boy, she would set aside her interests to delve into that world of yours. I just know, boy, and I wish you do too. You take her breath just by walking past her. 

Please don't be cliché-- you know there's more to life than tall, fair-skinned, skinny girls, right? Please, again for the sake of all things holy and sane, like her, and there won't be a day in your life that you'll look for your aforementioned ideals 'cause I'm sure as hell my girl would slay those with her wit, gut, and humor.

I wish you'd like her. Not just because I said so, but also because you were hit by my words. I don't want to force your feelings, hers as well, but I don't want you to miss out on... who knows, the greatest love story of your life, perhaps? The true love you have always prayed for? Again, no one knows, and you won't know until you take action.

For the last time, for the sake of all things holy and sane, please like her. You're missing out on a great girl who deserves to love and feel loved.
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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Good Looks Ain't Good Enough

An open letter to my privileged officemate who recently got on my nerves.

Hey, dude. Or should I say, "sup, bro?" 'cause in your own little world where money is nothing, that's how you say it. Remember the first employee engagement you were asked to join? I was supposed to be there but earlier that day, I asked my seniors who you are and immediately searched for you on Lync. I was shocked, alright. And hurt.

You have a nice name, really. And a nice title comes with it. Wow, dude, you just got in and you're already a step ahead from me. Wow. It read "Senior Associate." Wow. Just wow. It would've hurt less if I don't care however, I also learned that you just graduated college. Wow! Yay for you! And nay for my ego.

I came back to work after 5 days. The origins were on leave and so am I however, I had to come back that Thursday because fuck my life. I got on my station and my seat wasn't there. Apparently, you took it, so I came up to you and boy, oh boy. I was smittened with your boy-next-door aura and how cute you speak. You were nice. You brought my seat back for me. We learned you were well-off and you thought your salary is not enough when it was way pricier than mine. I admit, I had a crush on you. Until the going gets tough.

You were given to me for training. We talked a lot and I learned you're willing to submit to corruption. You failed an exam twice and was looking for someone whom you could pay to so he'll pass you. Things were redundant 'cause you won't write notes. I was never hard on you, in fact, I brought my nicest facade for you. I swear you abused me. People thought otherwise. It came to a point where we had to throw you out of my group. And you appear to be the victim.

You tainted my image. People sort of turned their backs on me. I was on the verge of giving up. Life went on for me. But it was never the same and never easy.

You hit strike 2 yesterday. I cried out of anger and frustration. You should know the process or at least have an idea of it after all, they gave you your position because of your course. I asked you to be considerate of me and you said you aren't considerate. Well, fuck you. This time I won't let you. You've just been exposed to our leader that you're just playing the victim card. You have been playing with us for so long I think it's about time to reveal who you really are. And nope, I won't change my personality for you. How about you change your work ethics so no one gets enraged, right?

You, sir, are an entitled rich kid. I hope you learned your lesson that the world does not revolve around you. 

And if you don't, well, let me slap with you the truth and a keyboard-- THIS PLACE IS NOT FOR YOU. Oh, and while you're at it, act your age. You're 24 and I'm 21 and who's stronger? Definitely, not you.

One more thing. Equate your attitude with how you look. I am an addition to everyone telling you that you are just a face.

Love, your bitch of an officemate,
J 
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Sunday, November 6, 2016

Invalidating Struggles

How sad it is to live in a world where all your ex-schoolmates-slash-colleagues are well-off. Not only because I don't belong to their social class, but also because I see them not having to struggle in terms of reaching their ambitions. The major steal is that they have someone to give them their wants and needs in an instant.

Also, did I mention that they never have to think about money?

I am currently 21 but I feel 35. Having to pay for your sister's tuition, bills, et al., is no joke given the fact that you have just started working and your earnings won't suffice yet.

Am I jealous? Maybe. Am I sad? HECK YEAH.

The hustle is difficult. It feels like I'm forced to mature at this age where some people my age don't even have responsibilities yet.

And here I am. Trying and trying but never enough. But I'm still grinding. And I hope I don't get weary.
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Sunday, April 3, 2016

Sundays Currently II

This Sunday, I am currently...


READING

 On Buzzfeed stuff about Kylie Jenner. I came across this article about her lip kits and then I started clicking from one article to another. Now I am browsing through articles under the Kardashian tag. Heeeeeelllppppp! This isn't meeeeee~


WRITING

 About how sucky my Sunday is. Truly.


LISTENING

 To The Cab's La La!!! I suddenly start listening to their Symphony Soldier album again and it took me back to 2012 in an instant. I. AM. FUCKING. SMITTEN. RIGHT NOW.


THINKING

 If I chose the right nail polish color. I picked royal blue in a heartbeat and I think I like it... although it's not summer-y... You know me, always wanting to be in sync with the theme.


SMELLING

 The amorous smell of Monday. *sarcastic tone* Seriously though, I still feel like I'm a college student, waiting for my summer break. *insert the saddest emoji here* Wake up, girl! You're a college graduate now!


WISHING

 That I'd be able to have a vacation! I wanna be taken to the beach or somewhere where I can dip my little bum into. 31 degrees is no joke here in the tropics and the heat is becoming unbearable now. Also, I want to get away from work!


HOPING

 FOR A VACATION. Yep, that's how I badly want a break.


WEARING

 My home outfit or in my vernacular, a pambahay. Comfy af, yo! Nor harm in looking like a bum when you're acting fab everyday.


LOVING

 Starbuck's S'mores!!! I love how the melted mallows' so soft and sticky and gooey! Uuuuggghhhh, I'd buy more if not for my sore throat. And the price.


WANTING

 To buy a cute rash guard which I'd like to use for our upcoming swimming trips. No to roasted skin! Although I'd love to wear cute outfits too (who doesn't?) I'd rather not regret later. My skin's too uneven for it to be more uneven than ever!


NEEDING

 To shop!!! I'm running out of clothes to wear to the office. You know how much I hate repeating clothes, of course. Fine, I do repeat but I don't wear the same thing for 2 weeks, I mean, of course they'd notice. And though I do, I style it differently so it looks different.


FEELING

 Lazy. Take it from me, guys. When your everyday needs to be productive, you'd just want to feel lazy sometimes. AND I'M NOT EVEN SORRY!


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Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Outta Work

My relationship with change is like that of Blair and Chuck's-- a love-hate one. Sure, I love spontaneity, but impulsive change? It freaks me out. I may or may not be conventional but I know one thing; that I contemplate a lot about change but I always end up doing the usual. I. AM. SCARED. LIKE. THAT. And I don't know why when everyone's been telling me that I'm a strong biznatch who can take care of herself. I take that as a compliment...though I'm not sure about it now, now that I came up with this realization.

Speaking of change, I hope you noticed my new theme! Not-so new though because I retained the old template, hehe, but yes! New graphics. I honestly had no plans of revamping this thing until I saw that Photoshop CS5 is downloaded here! And I'm on a leave. Yes, guys, I'M ON A LEAVE! This seldom happens because my job's toxic as heck and I can't take a leave often. I know, I know, I haven't kept you posted about my job but I might, soon! It's almost been a year since I got employed and you can tell that one of the many reasons why I'm not Blogspot active anymore is because of it. Guuuuyyysss. I wish I could write from time to time, really, but aside from the fact that my creative juice storage is as drained as Antipolo's Hinulugang Taktak... HA! Now that's a comparison. Anyway, aside from the fact that my creative juice storage is drained, I am now a busy career woman taking in one responsibility from another. Don't worry, I have taken in strength as well so I could handle this.

This is random though. Hopefully I could craft another that's worth reading. I haven't made one since time in memorial but we'll see.
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