To the Birthday Boy

Twenty years of existence. Twenty years and so far, I've spent three birthdays with you.

The first one was when I was still trying to figure out my feelings for you. I was assuming and I guess you were to me as well. You invited me over and I was somewhere between being stoked and being nervous because I thought it was only the two of us. I thought it was going to be my first real date and I couldn't wait to share it with you... until you told me you were inviting her also. False alarm. All the butterflies in my stomach apparently has to leave. I was almost devastated but then I thought; fine. We're friends, what do I expect. But still, fate seemed like it paved its way for us to work our barely existing relationship out. She was gone for awhile 'cause I instructed her to buy our surprise gift (hehe, which I slightly planned actually) and we ended up talking and talking and talking and it felt like melting into each other's souls through the stories we shared while we waited for her to come back. Oh how I wish she didn't. LOL. Anyway, I knew you felt it 'cause I did, and it was just one of the instances wherein I knew you're going to play an important role in my life. And you did, you became my boyfriend five months after.

A year after, nothing grand happened except that our feelings bloomed despite the simplicity of your celebration. I had no gift for you but mom had and we're glad you liked the cordon bleu. Jollibee was great though it's far from exclusive. Sharing the moment with you felt exclusive.

This year, things improved quite a bit. I brought you cupcakes and I'm glad you liked them. We dined and talked like we usually do and I'm glad we did. You told me we can celebrate some other time but I think it will lack essence 'cause today is your birthday and it's much appropriate to celebrate today 'cause it's more special that way. I love you, I wish I'm right where you are.

More birthdays with you to come, please?

Please

You tell them I'm your last like you've finally decided to spend your future with me. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad because we're too young to talk about marriage, yet old enough to plan for the future. Breakups are inevitable and you make it seem like it isn't. I love it but I'd always overthink and prepare myself for when the time comes. I dunno, I see my future with you but always I think you'll get tired of my bipolar attitude and then leave me eventually. I've put too much trust in you yet I still feel this way. Well, fuck me and my trust issues, right?

I love you, please stay.

Merriam's 18th Birthday Photodump!

A few weeks ago, we attended our friend Merriam's legal party celebration! The theme was vintage and of course, we were expected to arrive in such outfits. The party went as expected too-- it was vintage all over! Her dance number, the setting, the prods, her cake, her outfit, her hair, everything! It was super nice and I wish I had a debut party too! Nevertheless, I enjoyed it and I'm sure everyone else did too. It was a night to remember most especially for the debutante. Belated happy birthday, Yam! I love you, girl! You're one awesome friend and I hope we'll stay the same through the years. ♥

Photos from the photo booth (c) Merriam, party photos (c) Jevie, in room photos (c) Vicky

My only photo with the lovely debutante! Ewww, I look trashy.

Obligatory portrait photo to end this post! xx

The 'R' in Perfection

Love, you are perfect.

You are smart-- you know things I don't and you taught me things I should know. You know how to bear with me and how to make me love you more, and the most important thing is, you have shown me what perfection is all about; you in totality.

You are dreamy. You make girls jealous of me with the things you do. You are nice and respectful, not just to me but to everybody else. You are the guy that every girl wanted. You are limited edition, a collector's item, a one-of-a-kind thing we'd totally die for. You are mine, my prized possession.

You are heavenly. You are just the right amount of cute, hot, and handsome combined. Whatever they say, you'll always be my hotshot handsome cutie-patootie and I have you aaaaaaaalllllll for myself. *wink*

My love, you are beyond everything you thought you are. Ask yourself, would I love you if you weren't that great? You know that I settle for nothing but the best. Now stand  up, dust it off, and remember that you are one great person and I love everything about you-- the good and the bad side, all your assets and faults, and what does and doesn't matter. I love you!

Wanted: Assurance

Somebody made a promise...

... As usual, that promise came from someone whose existence I treasure a lot, and I'm just waiting for him to break it so I could hate him forever.

Neeehhh, I kid. But there's a voice inside me screaming "He's just a cliffhanger, everything he said was a lie, you'll be left heartbroken eventually."

Well, I sure hope that I'm just overthinking. It kills, I know, but I can't help it! But if we'll look on the brighter note, at least these hopes weren't raised so I won't get disappointed and cry. Yeah.

D'aw, I can't explain why I'm feeling this way. It seems so wrong... so inappropriate! He's inappropriate alright, but this thing that's happening... it's more inappropriate than that. And ugh, I raped the word "inappropriate", I think could go on without using that word for the rest of this post. Heeee.

We've reached the part where I'd end this post without knowing how to. Anyway, whatever. Let's just hope that my little heart won't get shattered soon 'cause I won't be able to take another heartbreak just yet.

Writing Sleepy

I swear, if provoked to the fullest, I might consider the unthinkable. But kidding aside, I think I already do... Or not. Whatever! Just the thought of it makes me want to slash my wrist or shoot myself in the head. Aaaccckkkk. This can't be happening!

I blame my friends for this insanity. I know I got rid of this feeling, but it's starting to rear its misleading face again! Lol, what for? It was never serious anyway. It's all fun and games, feelings are excluded-- or rather, I'm trying to exclude my feelings. I'm weak, I can't do this all by myself. I'm afraid I might fall without knowing it. You know how much I can't afford to have another heartbreak this time... and there you go, I started stroking on my sentences 'cause I know I'll hate myself in the future if I found out that I typed those. Not to mention, it's all I that could think about lately. Ewww, social suicide. I'm hating myself now. I'm not assuming though.

Now how about my dear "yonder-er"? Two weeks had passed since I met him, to where we ran low on sparks I guess. I didn't felt a thing or two and it's a bit questionable. Nehhh, but at least I knew that it's not the real deal. Don't get me wrong though, everything that I wrote back in summer came from the heart. He's the guy, he's perfect. He's all that I wanted. If I'm going to like anyone, it would be him. Oh and, he's the reason why I didn't get any grade lower than 80 during the prelims. He was my inspiration! (Heart, hearts all over)

Let's get this over with. I can't fall and that's final. Why? Because I have to fall for *, not **.

...Yeah, but you can't make your heart feel something it won't. Am I right?