Hello, Holidays!

For everybody's information, school started a few weeks ago which means I have no other choice but to go on hiatus again. Yep, school has taken most of my time and even if it didn't, I still won't be updating this blog 'cause I still have this immense writer's block going on. Trololol. Anyhoo, here's what I've been up to for the past month! All thanks to my trusty phone, I now have something to show the world!

Had my tresses done! It's a ritual before classes start 'cause apparently, my hair is the most recalcitrant thing that existed on Earth. Kidding aside, it's too high-maintenance for my life that it needed treatment semiannually.

Obligatory selfie after having something done. Had my hair bobbed and colored! First time after 93749230234834 years!

And another selfie.

Not the most aesthetic-looking carbonara but the tastiest! Tried cooking something before classes start. There you go, my meal!

After - school date with my boyfriend on our first day back from sembreak!

First Saturday class after three semesters! #OOTD

Another photo taken that day! Group OOTD with ate Krish, Chame, Chella, Jans, Jhonna, Katya, and Krissy!

Bacon for breakfast.

My sister and I being the goofballs that we are! Dad doesn't look like he's enjoying it.

Everyone's so inlove with this tree for being so romantic. The Christmas and Valentine's Day Grinch in me says no.

This was my sister's wallet-- and now mine!

Mr. Pogi! Mmmmmwwwwaaaahhhh!

PDA photo. Sorry not sorry.

My class' birthday surprise for Amb. Almendrala!

One Saturday class with my bestfriends! 

Photo from Chella dela Cruz

Yours truly taking advantage of my sickly look.

Another OOTD! This time, with my school uniform.

First meeting with Mr. Endriga, the most generous prof who walked on this planet! He gave us a hundred bucks each!

That ditch class kinda day.

Photo from Chella dela Cruz

One fine church day. The transformation of the church I grew up with, though.

Summer vibe OOTD!

Ending this post with an edited photo of my fabulous boyfriend! Mehehehe. Isn't he lovely? He is, I know, I'm lucky. xx

Of Phobias and Death

Nothing scares me like public speaking does. Just the thought of it makes me fidget! The nervous wreck in me wants to whack myself and slit my throat just so I could avoid the instance for the rest of my life. I was that scared with it, okay! I can't do anything about it. Whew. "Face your fears" they said, but what if you faced it a million times already and failed twice as much as the number you tried to conquer your fear?

Freshman year, highschool. My English teacher chose me in a heartbeat for she thought I could write well. Well, I could write well (or so I think, considering the number of times that I overused the word "well") but I can't deliver my words into its proper vocal output. To cut the long story short, I was asked to join an extemporaneous contest for the first time and then of course, lose to my experienced opponents. The same thing happened during my second year in college aaaaaannnndddd I'd rather not talk about it. The embarrassment is too much and talking about it makes me cringe. Sigh. Did I mention that I'm currently enrolled in a public speaking class? It may be too unlikely for me but I can't do anything about it because the curriculum lord has spoken. Acccckkk. I probably died my thousandth death today since this has been bothering me since yesterday. Rest in peace, my glossophobic self.

I don't even know why I'm doing this, I should be writing a self-introduction speech for Friday. *facepalm*

Here's to Our Friendship Gone Endship

Remember when we weren't outbitching each other through Facebook statuses? When we were just happy, not thinking about any competition? Oh, how about that time when neither of us would backstab each other? Uh huh, but do you remember when we're still friends?

Somewhere along the way, something went wrong. The back of my mind is telling me that you were to blame but then again, we have our faults too. It was both our fault. We drifted and no one is to blame. It was our decision, and it was your decision to be someone we never thought you were. It's pretty crazy really, how we went from almost sisters to annoying blisters. Tsk. Gosh, y'all have no idea how I want to slit your throat. Haha, kidding but half-meant.

I've been missing you all, though. All those crazy chikahan moments, our not-so-out-of-town trips, our bonding moments, everything! Nostalgia kicks in everytime I think of it. While I'm pretty sure that we won't go back to what we were anytime now, let's just use this pace to move on and seek inner peace and maybe, in time, get back to being the closest of friends. The friendship was awesome and I sure want to have it back.

"Do You Know Pain?"

Pain has been my loyal company for years. It never left my side even when I was immensely miserable. Oh wait, it was why I was immensely miserable. It was always there and I guess it loved me very much. It clung to me indeed, but I could say that my relationship with it was an enlightenment.

I felt pain when I was left hanging-- hanging on a belief that he likes me back, and when he left me hanging alone on that queue when we were supposed to ride the Ferris wheel together. It was rubbing into my face what rejection meant; what I-will-never-like-you would look like if it had a face and a hand that's bound to slap you. It was when I ran away crying my heart out, having the worst birthday ever.

I saw pain when I saw him look at her the same way he looked at me. It was seeing them do all the lovey-dovey things we used to do together. It was when I died inside right then and there, wishing I was her instead.

I heard pain when she told me what happened to him; that he had the worst Valentine's day because he was left by the girl he chose over me. It was crying until school the next day for feeling his pain. It's crying because I never would've done that to him if he chose me instead. It was hearing my heart shatter-- feeling all the pain for him, feeling everything I shouldn't feel.

I smelled pain when I knew he would ignore me and I was right. It was when I just wanted him to notice me and he didn't, like we are complete strangers with memories. It was like welcoming death by ignoring warnings.

I had a taste of pain when all my reminiscences turned out to be bitter. It was when I thought that everything was sweet until it finally hit me that I just made myself believe in all those actions which were actually unrealistic. It was fooling my mind, believing my own lies, neglecting myself.

I knew pain when I've gotten over everything. It was when I never had to feel, hear, nor even taste or smell pain ever again. It was when I finally found love; when I cry not because some guy meddled with my feelings, but because someone values my worth. It was kissing and all of a sudden, fireworks would lit up the sky like he paid for them to make my moment spontaneous. It was not just the Ferrero bouquet or the material things he gave me, it was the sincerity. It was risking the fall and knowing it was worth every heartbeat, and finding hope when there is none. It is every I love you, and you are going to be the last girl I'll ever love. It was bidding pain goodbye and saying hello to relief.