Hopefully Good

My life has never been extremely good. I've never been happy "in all aspects", but I guess that's how life goes. However, I'm not saying that I'm not happy about this-- it's just that sometimes, a certain thing would creep into my system and bite me and make me feel sad about everything. I can't help it. It seems obligatory. I hope everything are happening the way they should be cause I'll be expecting a grand consequent.

Just Me Trying To Be Happy

I-wanna-die-like-right-now nights... they're the worst. Trust me, I feel so shitty right now. I know, 3 out of 5 entries I post every month are... uhm, emotional-slash-almost-suicidal posts, but I can't halt myself from posting such things! I am utterly miserable, I guess.

Because of that, I vow not to post things about that anymore. Well, not actually a total ban of such kind of posts, but I'll try to lessen them. After all, this is supposed to be a happy place, right? I don't want to backread my entries and slap myself for being that sad. Ha! So let's bid those bad vibes goodbye 'cause from now on, I'll try to be happier. Cheerio!

A disgusting poem I did weeks ago

Why do I even bother thinking of you,

when I know for a fact that the same thing is not what you do?

Why am I wasting so much time and effort,

when I know that yours has already been given to someone else?

Why, is she of much worth?

Or is it because that the love she’s been showing is much intense?

I guess you’re quite numb,

for you haven’t noticed a thing or two,

and I’ve been here for a long time now.

I can even beat her in a `how well do you know` game!

And it’s because I’m so fond of you, even if you don’t have fame.

Yes it’s true, from your full name to your weird manner of sucking your thumb.

You asked me once if it’s true that I like you,

wherein I stared badly as a reply.

Now I wonder,

would everything change if `yes!` was my cry?

What would’ve happened if I told the truth rather than deny?

But I guess it’s too late, I just have to let my tears run dry.

Now all there’s left to do is to say `goodbye`.

To move on.

To be euphoric.

Grow up, he’s pathetic!

And you’re strong, you can’t let him lead you on.

So for you; I loved you, goodbye.

Just get back up if it knocks you down

I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of life. I hate how everything seems to fall apart when I should be having the time of my life. I can't believe I'm saying this but... fuck my life. I don't know how much more I can take. I keep on inhaling hate when (I think) all I ever do is breathe out almost every love from my body.

Perhaps this is the reason why I pretend to be someone I'm not. People think that I'm the most euphoric person they ever met because of my sunny disposition, jokes, yadda yadda; little did they know that I'm a two-faced liar who can't even force to fake a smile when I'm at home. I hate it! And I hate how jealousy is eating me up. I want to do this, that, have this, that, but for some reasons, I can't. And most of the time, my parents are to blame. Fck! And I also hate how abhorrent I think they are. It just doesn't seem right.

Hoping I'll feel better soon.

Thank God I found the `good` in `goodbye`

Yes, see you soon was pushed through... and I guess that would be the last time that I would be feeling that crazy, giddy feeling for him.

Weeks ago, he's been killing me softly with his sweetness then the next thing I know is that right now, I'm in front of my desktop talking about how he's killing me softly after I learnt about lots of things regarding him. That was so damn depressing indeed. And you can read via Twitter about how abhorrent I think he is! You see, I tweet like I'm a wasted piece of crap who would drink muriatic acid anytime. Boohoo.

I can't believe he chose someone younger than me. I mean, hello, with her age it looks that she just got her period. And perhaps she's still using baby bras. LOL. Now I sound so bitter and what the hell! I don't feel like myself after saying that. Anyway, I can't blame her. His words are too sugarcoated that everybody falls for it. I feel sad for her though, I can see that she'll get hurt eventually.

And as for the asshole who broke my heart, my middle finger salutes you. I'm sorry for being so bitter, but I guess you have to know that. If, by any chance, you happen to read this, I think you should know that I gave up 2 of my beloved ones because I think you're the one worth loving. I stand corrected! You hurt me and they were there to alleviate the pain you caused. Goodbye, and thank you. And if you don't mind, I'd rip the letter I gave you months ago. I am more than willing to do that, dear. LOVED ya! xo.

P.S. If ever you'll look for me soon, I'll always be here. But most probably, I'm not the same person anymore.

Now I know

Feelings can grow, but they can go away too.

I'm becoming cheesier as the clock ticks. Though I haven't decided yet, I think I found the perfect lyric for the situation. Teehee. 

AND I HATE HOW EVERY TIME I UPDATE THIS, IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE. xx.

*09-24, 10:57PM*

It's About How You Invigorated Life

I should've gotten that question! The other day, my classmate was asked to discuss the essence of being alive... something like that, something I can't remember, but the title of this post would have to be my answer. Now all I need is a little explication for this, Yesss.

Apparently, classes are suspended `til Friday. Which means, no St. James Day. 1, 2, 3, NOOOOOOOOO! Stupid water shortage. I never expected this -- everything's a hassle. It's our last year yet everything seems to be... "unusual". Rawrrr, frequent class suspensions? Nah-uh. It's making me sick! Leaving the thought that they're taking days away from my/our last year as a highschool student. *slaps self* On the brighter side, BYE STRESS! `Cause school's so tiring and we direly need this break. Amen!


Speaking of school, I feel like ranting how Monday and Tuesday went. Hahahaha, wiih!


The usual Monday mornings St. Thomas had during the past few weeks welcomed us. Bibliarasal + Homeroom Discussions + Room Fixations, the usual Thomasunog mornings. Ahhhh. We had an essay writing activity too. Like asdfghjkl, my heart's beating like crazy while writing my piece! Pressured, perhaps? Rawr, wish "The Babble Machine" good luck! Oh and, him talking to me makes my heart somersault as well! Hihihi. Kill yourself Joanne, you flirtatious creat. This day ended with two of my closest friends finally making-up. Huzzuh! He baked cookies for her, but I  was the one who gobbled it all up. Nyahahaha, and I can't help but laugh after everything I did. Whtvr. But Donne, if ever you're reading this, THANK YOU! Those are enough after all the effort I poured for convincing Andrea. Hahaha, Kidding! xx. J. Anything for those two, I love them! Hrrr, the same thing goes for Al who finally reconciled with me. Wooooh! I wonder when's my bestfriend gonna do the same?


Call me wanderlust, but I just won't wait for my adviser to open our room -- I'd rather explore the wilderness! And talk. And laugh. Yeahhh. I suppose we did nothing all day. Mentors are quite dazed... for the upcoming event, probably? So, we were left to do things on our own. Religion time for example, we played "Mahal Mo Ba Ako?" and everyone picked on us. I could just die of embarrassment. K. So, we're already an entity. LOL. A Face-to-Face thingy happened during T.L.E. class, regarding my "adoption". I halted my tears but it fell eventually after James pissed me off. Burn. Tuesday, whyyyy.


Things are getting a bit perplexed. Lord, help meee. xx.
*07-22, 11:39A.M.*

Swimming In The Sea of Sunshine-y - Sad Thoughts

He - whom - I - like sang PNE's "Sorry na" for me!!! Why the heck can't they -  whom - I - love - and - I - consider - as - my - bestfriends do the same?
*06 - 30, 5:30P.M.*

What's Not And What's Hot

I actually thought about cooling down for the sake of everybody's silence.But after all what happened, I regretted the fact that it even crossed my mind. Screw thy social misfits.

Being stranded on school rocks, specially if you're with people who knows how to have fun. Ooh-la-la, I was with Brenz, Donne, Luigi, Zita, Shenna, April, Karylle, Lady and Jazaj while venturing our creepy campus to look for a dry place. Yuh, and we all walk barefoot on the ankle-high water-dipped ground floor. I was so proud of myself, Zita became more than an acquaintance now.

Rewind during Lunch time, I cried my heart out after giving in to my feelings. I can't actually forget how stupid I looked. Screw them misfits, they'll have a taste of their own medicine soon. Am I mean or what? Or I guess I just had enough of incarcerating my mean girl ego and the urge of releasing it just came? Hrrr, I have no idea but it seems like I'm already bashing.

Sorry, this sounded like a hate blog. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FREAKIN' UPSET I AM.

"Oh honey, you're so barking at the wrong tree right now, don't you". xx.

*06 - 30, 1:33A.M.*

When The Going Gets Tough

June is drawing closer to its end. I just loathed how everything seems to be balanced then! Until now, where things are getting pretty screwed. By the way, this is a happy >> sad post.

My heart is freakin' fine. HE IS THE GREATEST, EVER. Though signals aren't clear yet. But he never failed to make me smile ever since the 15th of June. Like for this instance, he was shouting my name when I'm just behind him. Yeah, and I was like dedfoefof, I was left feeling infatuated. And when I got mad at him for pissing me off, he sang this song with a "Sorry na kung nagalit ka di naman sinasadya" lyric with his friends as his backup. Yadda yadda, I have lots here... but I'd keep them to myself. Bulgar!

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPROACH MY FRIENDS, FML. I don't know who's stupid but whatever, I'M GOING TO SELF DESTRUCT.

I could really use a wish right now. xx.
*06 - 28, 7: 52PM*