Yearning

I want to feel something.

I want to be someone.

I want to be happy. I want to chase my dreams and live in them. I want to do it for the rest of my life. I don't want to be exhausted from work, I want exhaustingly blissful from doing what I love the most. I want to turn these dreams into reality.

I want to write. I want to have something published. I want it to be relevant, or better yet, a best-seller. I want to go back in time and take a chance on journalism or creative writing. I want to be a writer for the longest time. I want to be a writer.

I want to be melancholic. I want to feel sad from being rejected. I want to be frustrated so as to be motivated. I want to feel like I'm losing hope. I want to try out talking to God more fervently. I want to be stronger.

I want to be a genius. I want to be a diplomat. I want to be an ambassador. I want to travel the world while making a stand. I want to be the hero in the world of diplomacy. I want to be less indolent now and start involving myself. I want to belong.

I want to build a home. I want to be a wife, a mom. I want to fulfill him, I want him to be happy. I want to make love. I want to bear a child out of  love. I want us to be the best parents. I want them to be the best children, too. I want him to build a family with me.

I want to grow old with him. I want us to die together so we will never be grievous for missing each  other. I want to hold his wrinkled hand and kiss his wrinkled forehead. I want to spend my whole life with him.

I want things to be the way I want them to be.

If not, then, I just want to be happy by writing the greatest things about him. He's what I want and that all it takes.

The Full Force Birthday Experience

Here goes my first post for twenty-thirteen! Hey, y'all! How ya doin'? Before we go to the part where I rant about the recent best thing that happened in my life, I think it's obligatory to post a simple greeting like this since I haven't posted anything for a while and we're halfway through the month and... you get me. I'm sort of neglecting my baby bloggie and knowing me, you know that I feel bad every time it happens. Apologies, readers! (If I have one, lol) It's a part of my resolution to be more active but heck, school's draining the energy outta me so I can't manage but I'll try to keep you posted for time to time! Deal?

Anyway, I just turned 18! Hurraaaahhhh! I'm minor no more and... I still look like one? LOL, I kid. But everybody knows that so I won't argue anymore. Hihi. And I guess I had the best birthday surprise a girl could ever ask for. Commencing story in 3...2...1...

...

It's a normal day for everyone and a not-so normal day for me. 15th January 2013, I'm going legal! I didn't expect for anything to happen, except for a few greetings maybe, but not all these swoon-worthy surprises which totally struck me with giddiness, awe, and every synonym you can find. Let me hear your shrieks; eeeehhh!

I went to school on my usual time-- 5 something, and arrive there eventually like, 6 something. I bumped into Jans on my way to school so we just went together. Yeah, they all greeted me, even Chella and Charmaine who just dropped by, and Dhanica, Rhea, Charry, and many others too. All my friends were like "Ano ba meron ngayon?" or "Mayro'n bang may birthday?" yadda yadda. I knew they were kidding but heck, it made me feel bad! They've been doing it for days and when I said they, the boy is included. For cries' sake! I even felt like crying. And t'was the same reason why I didn't expect a lot, really. Sigh. But not until we went out after being dismissed early.

We arrived at the IR square like nothing's gonna happen. My friends and I went down to grab a quick brekky at the canteen and we even came back shortly. I really didn't know that there was a surprise until I set foot back in the IR Square and everybody broke into a song singing "Happy Birthday, Jowi" to me! I was so caught off-guard, I didn't know how to react. All the singing is nice and touching but what's nicer and more touching is when my boy came out in the middle of the song, handing me a bouquet of Ferrero! It was helluva surprise since I told him months ago that ever since, I've been dying to receive one and I didn't know that he was going to give it to me sooner than I thought he will. Eep! I'm guessing everyone's more kilig than I was since all my friends and all the by-passers are smiling and in awe!

That magical moment. ♥

With thy college barkada, minus some Teehee.

And I thought that was it. English class passed and my teacher who has the same birthday was surprise by my classmates too. After which, we then evacuated and moved to our Research Method room wherein we did nothing so I was expecting to have some daldalan sessions with Rhea who was nowhere in sight. I didn't wonder why 'cause I thought I got all my surprises that day so I looked for Ralph instead. He also ditched the class so I sent him an SMS wherein he replied; "I'm having my brekky, see you later!" Yeah and I failed to notice that Charmaine was MIA too. For an hour and 30, I read Paper Towns with the thought that my friends didn't even prepared for my birthday 'cause it came to me that they must have thought that I now have a boy and I no longer need them. D'awww. Little did I know that they will come towards the end of the class and surprise me with cakes! Then, they lead me into the next room and on my seat lies a note (or notes in this case) which has "18 Reasons Why I Love You" written on it. Eeeehhhh! *insert super kilig emoticon here* Too bad I can't supply you with photos, they haven't uploaded yet! But I will update this if ever.

This has been the greatest birthday so far. Thanks, guys! You totally saved me from slashing my wrist. Jk! But really, thanks. I love you all!

Last Friday of 2012

This must be the reason why the world didn't end the Friday before-- 'cause I'll be out on my first real date! Yay! And it's a real date with someone who really loves me and vice versa so yes, I had a really good time! Enough with the talk, commencing photodump in 3, 2, 1...

The first photo we took on that day! Before that, we met somewhere near school and grabbed our breakfasts at McDonald's. Do I hear "Hooray for today"? ♥

A candid shot of the (future) boyf.

We can't decide where to eat! We lurked around a few buildings at MOA before finally deciding to eat at Sizzlin' Pepper Steak. Worth the price, love? Oh yes.

A quick shot at the movie house! We watched Sisterakas 'cause I wanted to. HAHAHA. I swear, I'm glad that he's not bruised from all the slaps and punches he received from me. I transform into a slapping monster everytime I can't contain my laugh! BTW, the movie's not that great, haha.

We had Chatime and we went out to Seaside boulevard 'cause weeks ago, I was teasing him about riding the MoA Eye. Haha! While finishing our drinks, we sat near it and watched the sky turn pitch dark... And wait for the craving to ride go hardcore! Lalalala~

Yes, he took this.

And yes, I took this. Wait,doesn't he look like... uh, nevermind.

Aaaannndddd, at the MoA Eye! Shitty gondola is shitty, it's too blurred. We paid 500 for the special one 'cause the regular ones won't allow two persons only so... yeah.

Our companion! Jk. Teehee.

Not the only photo we have inside it, but HAHAHAHA.

View from near the sea! Yes, it's pretty!

Neither of us is vain and I wonder how we pulled this off. Seriously.

The cat that never gave a fuck

Perfect timing. We were walking on our way to the terminal when these babies came out! Ohhhh, it's great!

It's a full moon!

This may be the last for the year. My apologies if this isn't a year-ender blog which most bloggers do (and I do, for the past few years), but this is my idea of a year-ender-- a post which brought an end to my blog's misery. More happy posts, more soon! If you always visit this piece of shit, you prolly noticed the transition-- from "suicidally" sad letters to cotton candy sweet descriptives... ulk. I think I'm becoming better emotionally. But ugh, what the hell. I still suck at blogging so HAHA!

And as for Ralph who'll be in this dumpsite soon; Thank you, love. You were my 2012 and hopefully, the years to come. I'm not cheesy and I suck at it but I'm trying hard to be sweet and I love how you appreciate that. Thank you! And I love you so much. Mmmmmwwwaaaahhh!

Darn, I have to go. Shitloads of schoolwork are piling up! Yay, no fun vacation!

Regrets

"Hey!"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"I love you, good night!"
"Hah! Go to sleep already!"
"You too!"
"In a bit. Night, bui!"
"Sweet dreams!"



She can't help but back read--
Convos from three months and a week.
With her eyes shedding tears,
And a wish that someone would wipe her cheeks.

"Things changed,"
She told herself
"Since when?"
She'd kill for the answer.

"If I held his hand too,
Or hug him back,
Or let him fall asleep in my shoulders,
Would things be the way they were?"

"If I hadn't told him about how my dream guy should be like,
Or my oh-so-perfect crush,
Or even about how unthinkable our relationship could be,
Would I still be this regretful?"

She filled her head with endless questions--
Questions she's been dying to ask him.
And what does she hope for?
Answers that might save her from this sea of sadness.