Lifetime

Do you think if you ask me one last time I would admit?
Because I was thinking,
Maybe if I did...
We could’ve been something.

We could’ve been lovers sitting side by side in a place only the two of us know;
Talking ‘bout anything and everything,
Basking in the sound of our hearts beating,
Watching you smile, and then melting...

Oh, you were a good dream—
Vivid and surreal,
Enthralling, yet feigned,
Gone by morning.

Yet if serendipity hates me, then we will be bygones;
Strangers once again because things went erratic,
Awkward encounters minus the greetings,
Forced to go back to the life before I knew you...

Except, I don’t know life without you anymore.
To not interact with you everyday,
To feel you slowly drift away—
My worst nightmare, I dare say.

But this is the reality I chose when you asked and I did not answer--
A world with you in it, but you are never mine.
A world where you are happy, but not with me.
A lifetime where I wish that hopefully, you are wishing of me too.

Life Update

That no one asked for. Lol. I thought I should write this down since I'm growing older and my memory is starting to suck. Also, I've always loved looking back at my old writings from time to time and re-reading them makes me nostalgic. Soooo, forgive me.

First off, I'm back to work! The order came right on time because at that point, I already maxed my leaves which means I'm on the verge of a no-work-no-pay setup. I remember praying about how my bills are making me anxious and surprisingly, I got a text from my manager the next day! As grateful as I was, I didn't expect that I'll be rendering overtime for the first few weeks. Order skew quantity, allocation documents-- I haven't done any of those in three months and boy, I missed it. NOT.

But I'm here to tell you that despite being exhausted from work, I'm surprisingly happy? Question mark because I can't explain it either. Although, I figured, I think I love the feeling of being able to be of service to anyone. I don't know, but for some reason, it makes me feel validated. I'd be over the moon every time someone tells me I was able to help them even in the simplest form. Good god, I'm actually smitten just writing about it now.

In other news, I was able to see my boyfriend again! I actually have nothing to say about this because my feelings are over the place and I can't articulate it well but really, I'm generally happy. Face time won't do it for me, I'd still go for our usual hugs and lovey dovey stuff. Also, it's warmer when we're together!

From where I live, father's day is almost over. To be honest, I diligently read a lot of post and while some made me laugh and others made me cry, I tend to feel jelly overall. Not that I'm complaining that we're celebrating it, in fact, I think I liked almost every tribute on Facebook... but there will always be a gaping hole every time an occasion happens and of course, father's day is when it's hella evident. I don't know, it's been 5 fatherless years and I still miss him everyday. And I hope I make him proud.

Sigh, I needed an outlet. This should end here, I guess.