Twenty-Eleven

The year was very tough for me. And I'm glad that I'm tougher.

I've cried buckets of tears this year. I'm not saying that 2011 was bad but this is the year that I cried, got hurt, and felt unimportant for oh so many times. I know it sounds bad but now I'm glad that it's over.

Dangerous traps are set for me, I knew it, but I still fall for it everytime. Sure it made me sad, but at least even for a while it made me happy. I followed my heart without any doubt that I might get hurt. It was a brave act, if I may say. And I'm proud of myself for being that carefree and happy.

All of these things are complemented by awesome new experiences and a brand new set of legit  friends. I'm thankful for them! They sufficed the absence of my highschool friends and they were just as great as them. I just hope that we'll continue being awesome on 2012. Yay!

I hope the incoming year will be greater than 2011. All I can say is 2011 really brought it and it feels great that I have gotten over the pain. And now it's time to say goodbye and welcome 2012. Huzzah!

Wonderstruck, Heart Got Arrow Struck

So there's this boy, and my smile would be in tow if he'll go. I write things about him and I keep them all to myself. I think I like him for 3 months now, and in those months are days of uncertainty cause I think I might have gone from crushing on him to another level. I know it can't be that snappy, but I can really feel it. It's so intense that it's burning me up. I can't do anything to help myself. I can't stop it. But I'll try to... all just because he'll be gone in a few.

If only I have the guts, I'll ask him to stay. He makes me look forward to another school day. He's the reason why I study hard. He's my inspiration -- the kind of inspiration I thought of Jem. I may have shown less admiration and too much subtle hints but I badly wanted to talk to him. Terribly. I'd give up things just to talk to him. Sigh.

Secretly ogling at his back, the crush look away reflex, smiling at each other, accidental looks -- some of the things I'll definitely miss. We might have gone a short way but these little achievements meant a lot to me. I'll regret every single opportunity I missed and cringe about how stupid I was for being shy. I'll miss him, I'll miss him even if he doesn't know that I'll miss him. I loved him for 3 months, and I'll love him for a million more.

"Will this matter a year from now?"

DECEMBER 14, 2010; The unluckiest, most euphoric day of the year that was. Know what happened? 1.) My shoe broke on my way to school, 2.) I left my exam permit and project at home, and 3.) Lots of other ditty mishaps went on my way but I couldn't remember them. But just when I thought that that kind of luck will go on the whole day, something unexpected happened. Well, I know he was just stressing the fact but... haha, he told me I was pretty. He told me I was pretty and my heart spun. He told me I was pretty just when I thought that nothing will ever go right and I needed something to be happy about. He told me I was pretty just because. He told me I was pretty and I swear, every annoying feeling was gone immediately. It was like being on cloud nine! I even mentioned that I don't want that day to end.

DECEMBER 14, 2011; The most nostalgic day of the year, if I may say. Though I moved on, a pint of sadness pricked me. Worst, it came with thoughts of everything that happened a year ago. I was even hoping that I'll see him by chance! Oh I don't know, maybe I'd just; PLAN A: Greet him, or PLAN B: Ignore and show that I don't know him. Blaaahhhh. I miss everything that happened a year ago! I miss it, I miss it so bad, and I was force to reminisce.

Right now, I only have two wishes -- that he'll notice that I haven't greeted him yet and that he'll feel sad for that.

When life throws you lemons...

Catch it and make a lemonade out of it. Sell it, even.

For an optimist like yours truly, I believe that the statement above makes sense. For me it's trying to convey that when someone said mean things to you or did something that scarred your ego, you should go on and take what he have said or done as a challenge to be a better person. You should never sympathize and succumb... ok, that will do a for a few moments but after it, you should grow and go forth instead. It's how life is. People will push you over and it's up to you on how you should take it. As for myself, I'd rather just do something to prove them wrong cause I know for a fact that I'm awesome and I can defy their negative views.

And here I am trying to motivate myself.

"Gusto Mo?"

Crazy Little Thing Called Love. I just feel so Nam-ish when he asked me to get some of his food. Hahaha! Remember when Shone gave her mangoes? Oh that's it. That's what I'm talking about. It's somehow the same but not really. Harharhar. But he's perfect and I suck, then I think I should study harder so I'd suffice. Lol. I wouldn't want to pattern my lovelife to anything, I know there's something way better just in store for me. Anyhoo, the 14th is coming in 5 days, I hope nothing goes right. Hihi, jk! Hi, I just passed by just to update this blog. ♥

All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss

I hate that you have to pop in my mind sometimes.

I hate that sometimes it makes me melancholic to the point that it'll send me to the brink of crying.

I hate that I have to feel that way when I know for a fact that I've gone forth.

I regret nothing actually, and I don't regret loving you so dearly. Those were one of the best moments ever. It was good while it lasted, and it hurts that it has to end. I can't help but say "that should  be me..." whenever I see you do stuffs with your girlfriend that I wish you did with me. I know you bought her a pony plushie; but do you remember when you'd playfully call me pony and I'll call you nose? That just made me think that perhaps it reminds you of me. Kidding.

I hate that I have to come up with this just so I the pain would alleviate. You know, this should come to a screeching halt. I'm starting to look pitiful again. Sigh.