J,

I'm pretty sure that right now, the Lord is testing me. Know why? `Cause I'm undergoing this instance which lies between the line of moving on and holding back -- and I'm confused. Hellaconfused, that is.  

If I continue to hold on, will you love me the same way? And if I move on, will you be sad that I'm gone?

Looks like the saddest  part is that you don't even know that I came up with these choices. What was I thinking? I know you never cared for me yet I've been fooling myself that you do. Sigh. I guess it's just all in my mind.

As I'm gearing towards the end of this letter, I am more convinced that I should really do the move. Ever since, I just let things flow. I know it made me happy, but sometimes it can be really unfair and it could even give me the darkest days. I think I'm losing.

If you're worth this pain then good, I wish I'll get through this somehow and we'll find our way back in the end. If not... then I'm so sorry that you don't have an awesome girl, like me, as your girlfriend. Ha-ha. Kidding... aside. LOL no, really

Thank you for everything and anything in between. I would never ever forget the words you spoke and the things you did. Hopefully in 2 months, I've finally gotten over this. But that's quite a long time, right? Unexpected things can happen. We'll see! Oh and... you'll always be the `illest` love of mine.

xx, J

P.S.: You know how to get me. B A S K E T B A L L.

P.P.S.: This letter is posted exactly a year after I posted this.

In case you don't want to get in trouble, hit the ignore button

Some people needs to be shoved with a plunger in their pie hole. I seriously don't want to add another pile of junk in this shitload of problems for omigahd's sake but hell, some people just won't shut up as if they're some kind of a bitch who's got more issues than vogue. Puhleeze, you're not even a girl to start with!

So, I stopped giving a fuck because I'm afraid that `it` might get worse. I didn't know that either way, it will still get worse! Know why? I contemplated and cared less but his unstoppable fag mouth pushed me to the limit that I can't help but speak for myself! I only spoke  in figures, with class and not so subtle hints, and it's his choice to leave the group so I guess it's not my problem anymore. Imagine, I have to deal with anger management the whole time because he used almost every single social networking site just to piss me off! Well I'm so sorry if my existence is bothering your voluptuous ass that you have to surrender first. Oh, and I bought the chatbox. You happy? There, there. Let me pat your back and apologize for the fact that my wealth is bothering you.

I'm pretty sure you know what my friends did. Yes, they were there to slightly fix the damage. Anyhoo, I think they just agitated the both of us because neither one of them is aware of what's going on yet they keep on making (snide) comments. Le sigh. Let's just take it from America's Next Top Model cycle 14's Alasia Ballard, shall we? `Shut. Up. Just. Shut. Up. That's why girls get beaten up in my hood, they don't know how to shut up.`

The entry title is for Aloysius Gonzaga who taught me the value of ignorance. `Huhupa din ang baha at darating din ang mga babaeng nakabini... ay babae ka nga pala, dapat mga lalaking naka swimwear.` Al if ever you get to read this, THANK YOU SO MUCH! And I love you. ♥

Gaaaahhh, this is just another update about how `awesome` my life is.

P.S.: Sorry for the bad words.

Thank God I found the `good` in `goodbye`

Yes, see you soon was pushed through... and I guess that would be the last time that I would be feeling that crazy, giddy feeling for him.

Weeks ago, he's been killing me softly with his sweetness then the next thing I know is that right now, I'm in front of my desktop talking about how he's killing me softly after I learnt about lots of things regarding him. That was so damn depressing indeed. And you can read via Twitter about how abhorrent I think he is! You see, I tweet like I'm a wasted piece of crap who would drink muriatic acid anytime. Boohoo.

I can't believe he chose someone younger than me. I mean, hello, with her age it looks that she just got her period. And perhaps she's still using baby bras. LOL. Now I sound so bitter and what the hell! I don't feel like myself after saying that. Anyway, I can't blame her. His words are too sugarcoated that everybody falls for it. I feel sad for her though, I can see that she'll get hurt eventually.

And as for the asshole who broke my heart, my middle finger salutes you. I'm sorry for being so bitter, but I guess you have to know that. If, by any chance, you happen to read this, I think you should know that I gave up 2 of my beloved ones because I think you're the one worth loving. I stand corrected! You hurt me and they were there to alleviate the pain you caused. Goodbye, and thank you. And if you don't mind, I'd rip the letter I gave you months ago. I am more than willing to do that, dear. LOVED ya! xo.

P.S. If ever you'll look for me soon, I'll always be here. But most probably, I'm not the same person anymore.

If We Ever Meet Again

Yes, I'm still holding on to that... I mean, it's like a promise and he should keep it.

That SMS was composed last Friday night, when I lied to him about sending a group message. Oh puh-leaze. I can't let myself fall into his words again. Note to self, always remember that a future ambassador should not trust words easily.

I am looking forward to the weekend!!! Quenny hosted a party on their yacht and agggghhh he said he's coming. I hope so! I am craving for a moment with that stooge. Haha!

Good Night, this just another nonsensical post about my so-called "love life".

The Backstabbing Bitch

I think I am one.

So, I started referring to one of my lower batch friends as "McFlirt" when she completely annoyed the hell out of me. That was last Summer. At first she can just be ignored but as time goes by, she can be really bothering.
Now she sounds like me. A lot like me! She uses the same expressions I use, talk the way I do, blah, and it's annoying! I wanted to talk to her about it but I'm afraid she might take it differently. And the fact that I'm okay with her whenever she's around is like, I don't know, complicated? It just drives me away from the confrontation part I've been dying to do. The thought of her irritates me but when I'm with her everything seems alright. Sigh. If I'm right, I wish she'd stop. The hell with her, I don't wanna be duplicated!

If ever you're McFlirt and you happened to drop by, I'm sorry. This is how I feel. Love, me.

P.S. Kiss my ass.

A nonsensical post about love

Just when I feel like giving up on us, You turned around and gave me one last touch; that made everything feel better

A line from Rihanna's California King Bed. I knew it would be useful someday.

After 23 days, I was able to feel his presence again! Good, cause I thought he died already. JOKE, KIDDING, KNOCK ON WOOD, CAN'T HAPPEN! Samara's not yet ready to lose his father. Hello, future! Lol. Back to what I'm saying, aaaahhh!!! Our conversation was snappy though, cause I still have classes the next day! Booooo. I saw it coming anyway. But the following words knocked me out and I just feel like sharing it. Teehee.

AKO: Good night! :)
HIM: good night dn... nyahaha.. xD
AKO: Gm! =))))
HIM: alam ko.. haha.. bawal ba replayan ung Gm! =))))
AKO: Hindi!!! Hahaha wala naman ako nilagay jan na bawal ka magreply! Hahaha :))
AKO: Geh na, may pasok pa ko bukas. Sa susunod na lang uli haha niiiiight :D
HIM: ewan.. =))) . haha .  xD
HIM: hahaha... =) . sige see u soon.. :)

He said he'll see me soon. I wonder when was that, but I really can't wait! You see baby, I'll defy how many nautical miles just to see you.

Baby don't you break my heart slow

We both know that I miss you. Can you make it easier for me? Cause I know you don’t care as much as I do but please, it’s killing me. If you won’t talk to me then fine, I’ll consider moving on. It’ll hurt, yes, but that won’t go on forever, right? Unless self-inflicted, lol. AAAAAHHHH, whatever. It looks like I’m giving up on you. But that’s quite alright, I guess… since I don’t have anything much to lose.

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate everything that happened but eh, it kinda looks like that he’s leading me on. Excuse me, I would never dumb myself for a guy… I am too precious for that! Hihi.

Anyway, July 4 is the day. 3 years, yo. We’ll see what will happen.