Wants Upon a Season

From where I'm from, Christmas is celebrated for four months. September 1 kicks in and Christmas songs start playing everywhere! Okay, what the f, that sounds a bit like a cross-cultural-ish intro for this entry when the main point is to just put everything I wanted for Christmas. Ha! So, I present to you, my twenty-fourteen wishlist! (Please note that I still accept gifts on my birthday, which is just less than a month after Christmas. Thanks.)

A laptop which runs on a Win 8.1 OS would be useful 'cause apparently, our old one's busted. Sigh

An iPhone... or any awesome smart phone because I love Instagram.

A pair (or more) of platforms, boots, yadda yadda, all because I'm into fashion experimentation.

Let's throw in some cool clothes with that.

And accessories.

Makeups! And for specifications, I want NYX Matte lip creams (In the ff. shades: Addis Ababa, Amsterdam, Buenos Aires, Milan, Ibiza, Copenhagen, Morocco, and Cairo), Maybelline Falsies, In2It's eyebrow powder and highlighter, e.l.f. Blush and Bronzer duo, Bavi Phat BB Cream, a makeup pallette, and perhaps a makeup brush set.

A yellow or black Instax mini 8 or mini 90s! All because I am very sentimental and I am a memorabilia junkie. You know, when I've got lots of them and I've got my own place, I'd stick them on my wall.

Taylor Swift's new album and tickets to her next tour. I. LOVE. HER. SO. MUCH.

Intimate time with the boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Exclusion of sex, of course. I just feel like catching up on some things.

Candies and chocolates because I'm just like a kid.

An investment, perhaps business, for my parents.

Divine healing.

TO GRADUATE. And be rich.

To the Birthday Boy

Twenty years of existence. Twenty years and so far, I've spent three birthdays with you.

The first one was when I was still trying to figure out my feelings for you. I was assuming and I guess you were to me as well. You invited me over and I was somewhere between being stoked and being nervous because I thought it was only the two of us. I thought it was going to be my first real date and I couldn't wait to share it with you... until you told me you were inviting her also. False alarm. All the butterflies in my stomach apparently has to leave. I was almost devastated but then I thought; fine. We're friends, what do I expect. But still, fate seemed like it paved its way for us to work our barely existing relationship out. She was gone for awhile 'cause I instructed her to buy our surprise gift (hehe, which I slightly planned actually) and we ended up talking and talking and talking and it felt like melting into each other's souls through the stories we shared while we waited for her to come back. Oh how I wish she didn't. LOL. Anyway, I knew you felt it 'cause I did, and it was just one of the instances wherein I knew you're going to play an important role in my life. And you did, you became my boyfriend five months after.

A year after, nothing grand happened except that our feelings bloomed despite the simplicity of your celebration. I had no gift for you but mom had and we're glad you liked the cordon bleu. Jollibee was great though it's far from exclusive. Sharing the moment with you felt exclusive.

This year, things improved quite a bit. I brought you cupcakes and I'm glad you liked them. We dined and talked like we usually do and I'm glad we did. You told me we can celebrate some other time but I think it will lack essence 'cause today is your birthday and it's much appropriate to celebrate today 'cause it's more special that way. I love you, I wish I'm right where you are.

More birthdays with you to come, please?

Please

You tell them I'm your last like you've finally decided to spend your future with me. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad because we're too young to talk about marriage, yet old enough to plan for the future. Breakups are inevitable and you make it seem like it isn't. I love it but I'd always overthink and prepare myself for when the time comes. I dunno, I see my future with you but always I think you'll get tired of my bipolar attitude and then leave me eventually. I've put too much trust in you yet I still feel this way. Well, fuck me and my trust issues, right?

I love you, please stay.

May these Memories Break Our Fall

OVERDUE POST. I apologize for being too busy and for being too indolent at the same time.

I am taking this moment, promising you this-- I'll stand by you forever but if god forbid, I'll twist fate so it would step in. I will never say goodbye. I'll point to your picture and tell my children your name, how the crowds went wild, and your hopes for them to shine. Long live!

June 6, 2014; one of the happiest nights of my life. Yes, you can tell me now that I'm the lucky one.

Apparently, Taylor Swift flew to Asia for the last leg of her tour. Y'all know how I mourned a few years ago for missing Speak Now World Tour but then again, I dunno what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down... lol. I'm still so speechless after everything! I mean, being able to buy tickets despite the "hunger games", being able to win VIP tickets from Cornetto, and finally, being able to see her live and upclose! Everything is still surreal!

Commencing Photodump. 3...2...1...

This is when our hearts started racing. There was like a war-like sound whatsoever and then boom! Red lights, curtains, and State of Grace's intro! Taylor's silhouette was there and oiehderowihferiwhfir. No photos of that 'cause I only have a video which I can't upload. Hihi.

RE-E-E-E-ED! Taylor gave her hat away... to someone else. Whoever you are, lucky you! And here she is, singing the name of her tour. With instruments of the same color! Ahhhh!

The Lucky One performance! Old Hollywood theme, very fabulous! Not really my favorite song off the album but this is one cool performance.

She changed wardrobes and is now wearing a polka-dotted skirt! She delivered her speech and sang Mean using her banjo.

22 is such an energetic spiel! Jelly of other Swifties who get to touch her hand tho, huhu. She went B-side and sang acoustic versions of Fearless, You Belong With Me, and Sparks Fly! Oh, noticed her shirt? It says "MANILA"!

I Knew You Were Trouble! See the costume change? The queen's oozing hot! Her super rad dance moves and that costume totally ousted her from the country scene but hey, what's not to love?

ALL TOO WELL!!! Apparently, she didn't cry like she did in other countries. We don't know why but heck, she smiled!

Ahhhh, Love Story! Nothing but memories. This is where it all started! This song just takes me back in time. Too nostalgic, actually.

WEEEEE ARE NEVER EVER EVERRRRR GETTING BACK TOGETHER! The song marks the end of the show! I hope we still get back together tho, love! See you on your fifth album tour Manila!

Clockwork

Life is a series of tests. In my 19 years of existence, the most important thing I tend to always forget (or ignore, even) is the art of perfect timing. Having a short temper and a bad case of social anxiety made matters worse all because I can't help but feel intimidated and sad most of the time. And when I said sad I meant, the kind of sad that takes a loooooot of  time. Intimidated, well, I am beyond insecure and I considered not going out anymore. Geez, do I sound so bad?

I told you a lot of times about being left behind by "that person I liked" when we were bound to ride the ferriswheel. To say that all I felt was nothing but excruciating emotional pain is an understatement. That and my first ever Taylor Swift concert experience --which I never get to experience, by the way, because "they" left me-- are the reasons why I always felt so insignificant. I merely gave up and moved on until I finally had the chance to redeem all the pain it caused me. Surprises, yes, they come unexpectedly.

It turns out God is emptying our hands for something better. I may had one of the worst heartbreaks in my life as regards to the ferriswheel but in it, I also shared my first real kiss with the only guy who loved me for me. As for Taylor, news just in! Selecta Cornetto called me up yesterday saying I won VIP tickets to the Red Tour this June!!! Ahhhh! Call me blessed not lucky for this is all from God! All thanks to Him! Truth be told, I was kinda down the whole week because of something I got rejected of and then this!!! I vow to never lose hope anymore because He blesses the deserving people.

Yearning

I want to feel something.

I want to be someone.

I want to be happy. I want to chase my dreams and live in them. I want to do it for the rest of my life. I don't want to be exhausted from work, I want exhaustingly blissful from doing what I love the most. I want to turn these dreams into reality.

I want to write. I want to have something published. I want it to be relevant, or better yet, a best-seller. I want to go back in time and take a chance on journalism or creative writing. I want to be a writer for the longest time. I want to be a writer.

I want to be melancholic. I want to feel sad from being rejected. I want to be frustrated so as to be motivated. I want to feel like I'm losing hope. I want to try out talking to God more fervently. I want to be stronger.

I want to be a genius. I want to be a diplomat. I want to be an ambassador. I want to travel the world while making a stand. I want to be the hero in the world of diplomacy. I want to be less indolent now and start involving myself. I want to belong.

I want to build a home. I want to be a wife, a mom. I want to fulfill him, I want him to be happy. I want to make love. I want to bear a child out of  love. I want us to be the best parents. I want them to be the best children, too. I want him to build a family with me.

I want to grow old with him. I want us to die together so we will never be grievous for missing each  other. I want to hold his wrinkled hand and kiss his wrinkled forehead. I want to spend my whole life with him.

I want things to be the way I want them to be.

If not, then, I just want to be happy by writing the greatest things about him. He's what I want and that all it takes.

"I Got Your Back" is Stupid

It's no surprise that the way things were handled this year is the same as then. Not that I'm "reverse bittering" (or am I?) though, but what happened is a sheer microcosm of the real world-- no more places for much deserving people, only for the ones who go through the infamous backer system.

If you don't know what "backer system" is, maybe it's about time you do. Definitelyfilipino.com in its article entitled "The “Backer Phenomenon” in Philippine Employment Process" mentioned that it is when interviewers prefer to look directly at the “referral” section of the applicant resume. They tend to scan it if there is someone you might know or had referred you to the company and if it does have, well, most of the time you’ll get hired a.s.a.p. Amazing, isn't it? Now you know the monstrosity that is employment in the PH, heh.

I personally loathe this process. It is not just because people could get their way easily sans hard work, but also because (much) deserving people were robbed with positions suited for their capability and probably, a chance to prove his worth and turn things 'round that might not just be a big help for him, but for the company as well. Sad as it could be, opportunists just use this to have an outstanding record and/or for their own political, social, and even sexual (lol) ambitions. I've seen how people close to me get things done by this one hell of a medium and all I can say is f. Vying for a position to have some place and status? Great, and you call yourself a leader? Just my two cents, I'd say it's pure bullshit. We all know that they're just after some nice piece of shit to add on their resumes, right? Fake. But really, do we need this?

I don't know, I sounded too harsh and activist-ish, and I am fully aware that man is by nature a political animal so...



...

Self, you are going to be mighty fine one day and this won't matter anymore. Promise. Pinky swear? Now move on and forget this 'cause this, right here, won't hinder even your wildest dreams.

On Infidelity

NOTE: I am in an awesome relationship and no one's being infidel. I just want to vent my feelings out as regards to ABS-CBN's "The Legal Wife" just because. 

Not that I hate this show, --I like it, even-- but the scenes... I can't help but get carried away! I couldn't be more appalled by how the protagonist is being betrayed by her husband and her bestfriend-- I mean, making up projects just so they could sneak away, have dates just after meeting his wife, and even fcuk behind her back?! I can't imagine how that process works and I won't even bother knowing it. I am a huge infidelity-buster and would dare not to be a cheater so please, try to understand why I'm so affected by this. I was never cheated on, just cheated on my mind but I can never get over.

Putting myself in the wife's shoes, I would confront my husband straight up without any hesitations. Better be sure than sorry, right? I'd rather know the truth right now than have that bullcrap go on behind my back for a long time. And as for the bestfriend, friendship over. They better wait for their karma 'cause it's either I will or I will not plot a revenge. Mehehe. Whyyy, could they blame me? I'm the one who's egged on.

Taking back the husband won't be easy. If I were cheated on, I won't manage to have, uhm, sex with the cheater (hehe) - slash - husband 'cause I'd only think of how he is when he's with her, what they did, and all his sins. If the term "nakakalaki" exists, then so does "nakakababae". I honestly would be offended and I think I could never forget and just bring this up every time we'll argue, but, yes, I can forgive him. Only, the way I treat him might change and give him a cold shoulder 'til who knows when.

The show's halfway through, I guess. I can't wait for its ending but if it will be according to moi, I'd have the protagonist's husband and bestfriend rotting together in misery. Kidding aside, I just want Monica and Adrian to separate 'cause ending up together would be cliche. Hihi.

xx

Wanted: Savior

To say that the past week has been depressing is an understatement. Lately, I found myself drowning in paranoia. Thoughts of being left alone would haunt me every time thus, making me coward. I am socially anxious and this is becoming too unbearable. I am sad. I am sad. I. AM. SAD. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I am too fcked up and I don't know what I need. Help.

Hashtag Fan Girl Feels

SUCKS THAT YOU'LL BE COMING AND I'M BROKE AS EVER LIKE ASOPJEWOJEOEHFIHRORFHORHFEOIHFF HOW CAN I SEE YOU NOW?! OH AND ADD THE FACT THAT THE LOWEST PRICED TICKETS COST A THOUSAND BUCKS PLUS-- GREAT. IT'S SUCCUMBING TIME ONCE AGAIN. F MYSELF FOR OVERSPENDING PLEASE :(((((((
TAYLOR, I DON'T WANNA MISS YOU THIS WAY :((((

Tied Together With A Smile

In lieu of the Taylor Swift Cornetto limited edition black forest / strawberry ice cream and Red Tour PH hints, I retold my lovelife through Taylor's songs! Can you feel the hype? I'm darn excited, I even hyperventilated earlier! See, I got inspired that I wrote an entry about her!!! Not entirely but still...this is unusual since I'm on an indefinite hiatus. Anyhoo, blah blah blah.

A Boring Title for a Boring Post

Drafts and yet to be posted outdated posts-- my blog roll at the moment. Apparently, I've been inactive during the past few days due to school and I am really really sorry. LOL! Like, sorry for what? No one actually read my blog anyway. On the other hand, I'm a bit stressed out and of course, where do I resort to? BLOGGING!

Lately I've been addicted to cosmetics. I have learned the art of looking less haggard! My makeup pouch is now one happy place because I bought her new stuff. Yay!

Better get going. Unto the last day of exam and I couldn't get more excited for finals!!! But then again, no summer for me because of our OJT. Arck.

Nineteenth

My only birthday wish would have to be spontaneity. I want something different, something exhilarating, something that will take my breath away.

I want a yellow Fujifilm Instax. I need something to record my 365. I want to make a heart collage on my wall. I want to fill a scrapbook and be artsy fartsy. I want keepsakes.

I want to travel. I wanna go down south or somewhere I'm not familiar with. I would love to go to EK for an adventure, as well as Nuvali to relax. I want to go to Tagaytay. I want something lax, I want something pretty and effortless. I wanna go out.

I want something unusual, I don't want something that's based on my daily routine, I want something new.