Faux letter for a faux lover

Last year, March 21st, I was writing you a letter. I don't know what's with March 21st and letters, but I'm doing the exact same thing a year after.

I honestly don't know what to reply when you tried to talk to me on chat. Prolly because it's: A.) too surreal for my life, and B.) I've already told and convinced myself that things like this would never happen and if it does then it might be December 21, 2012 already. But heck, I can't help myself. I was too caught off guard. Well I'm sorry. It's just that the pain I get from talking to you like nothing happened is just as painful as keeping it all to myself. I bet you don't know that I was just letting them all pass right before my eyes but deep, deep, down inside, I was actually striving hard to surpass all the misery that's right infront of me. And then I became numb... great.

Last night, you told me that you kept the letter I gave you last year. My heart dropped! Seriously, I wasn't expecting that from you. I already supposed that you already threw it somewhere or your then girlfriend tore it to pieces, but no. I stand corrected. And I was extremely touched upon learning that you're still keeping it up to now, meaning you kept it even when you were with somebody else. Hee. I was worrying about that letter for weeks... or even months, and when you told me that, I could not ask for more since you made me feel like I made something so special and valuable and I were as special and valuable to you. However, when you told me that I should be thankful to you for keeping that, everything came crashing down. It's like you're telling me that you don't even want to keep that letter and you're keeping it just for the sake of keeping it. Sigh. I just hope you noticed that it's the part where our conversation got screwed up.

I was crying the whole night. The thought of you is keeping me up. "I never want to see you again", I keep on reiterating. But I've always wanted a closure. With a prayer saying that I need somebody to be there for me, I headed to dreamland. Zzzz.

Somebody to be there for me, in other terms, love life. I don't know if it's coincidental or not, but everytime I'd pray for that, I'd always bump into you. Crazy, right? It was a surprise to see you again. And chat for a bit. And blah. Like nothing happened the night before... ouch. I never said a thing or two about pain and the like, but I wanted to. I badly wanted to. Problem is, I chickened out! Shiz. But I'll catch you next time, I swear! I won't let you go without telling you my feelings. That is if I won't chicken out like I do every effing time. Ugh. My sh*tload of regrets is slowly drowning the hell out of me.

Tomorrow's the letter's anniversary, I know you remember. Remember what I said about being confused with my feelings? Now I know...

I have loved you, and I'll always love you. So much. I don't care about everything or anything, I can ignore them all for you, but... now I don't feel the same anymore.

I Don't Even Know What To Entitle This Post

I hope you all noticed, not a single rant was posted in this blog for about a week or so...
You did? Great.

Apparently, I was trying to blog about something the whole week. The problem is, I can't weave a really nice paragraph that makes sense! I've been trying to put all these precious words together but they would just fall apart in dismay. And it was frustrating, indeed! Type, backspace, contemplate, repeat -- I suck. It's a surprise that I'm the contrary of my usual ready-to-blog-cause-I'm-inspired self. Wow.

Speaking of inspired and ready to blog, I had a really hefty confession exactly a week ago! I don't really want to put the blame on it for this commotion, but I guess it's the reason why I'm trying to put up a perfect post. Shoot! That boy must have struck me this hard for I was left speechless... Oh and, did I mention that he's too awesome for my life that I don't ever want to show myself to him and everybody, ever? No? There, I just did. But heck, I was talking about this petty crush of mine again. Must... stop! But I caaaannn't!!! *super kilig emoticon here*

I'm trying not to include Jem in this post but I can't resist. Yesterday, after several months of bumping into each other and not even saying hi, he tried talking to me on group chat. Eh. For imbecile reasons, I just answered with "Di kita kilala" and "Galit ako sayo". Heck, it felt great. If you'll ask me, I don't regret anything!

Blaaaahhhh and blah blah, nothing more to say. Sorry, I suck. Nothing to do here, ciao!

Just Another Blog With Photos

These are pictures from my phone, and I have nothing better to do so... hey!

First picture on my phone, actually. Excuse my face. I just shared this just because. Hihihihi, ewww. 122811.

Le cute bestfriend -slash - baby of mine. T'was her birthday when this was taken! I actually brought that cake because one of her previous uh, suitors, baked one for her and she treated me food. Yay! 122911.

With my younger sister and cousin! Trying out my cellphone cam with them.

First day back from Christmas vacation! With Chella, actually. PolGov class supposedly but our prof never appeared that day. 010312

Our Intro to IR prof, Matsushima sensei! Yes, he's Japanese. PURE Japanese. 

With Charry and Jiuik right before NSTP class!

Janice! This was before she got her hair pixie-d. 010412

Janice, again. This is what happened when we cut NSTP class for the first time. Loool. 010612

We went to Jollibee on the process of truancy and look, this the number I got when I ordered.

My little cousins and I at the wake.

At some certain golf club within Intramuros. 011012

Janice, for the third time on this post! This bitch, napping in the middle of English class. HAHAHAH! 011411

Birthday cake from the awesomest foursome ever!!! I love you!!!

Happy birthday to me! ♥ 011512

Just me, wearing my uniform. 012512

Discreetly playing Tap Tap while having our English class! BTW, Chella and Jans in the photo.

Sam and I at the library! Photo break for we were having a tough time dealing with our Filipino thesis.

One fine rest day. Taking a break from all the college dramas. 012912

Ha! Took a photo of my sister while she's asleep 'cause this is the most awkward position she did, everrr. 020212

My peeling face. I started using Erase solution perhaps a week before I took that photo and there! It's effective. 020512

Baby and me!!! At a friend's debut party. I missed you!

That awesome moment when Arroyo's face is on neither side of your LRT SV card! 020912

Filipino papers being checked. Charmaine and Yves in picture! 021012

The only sweet treat I got on VDay. Hahahaha! Thank you, Donne! 021412

Just my friend, having a rose from a classmate. I was about to say crush but then I realized she'll see this soon. I love you, Chame!

 Chella and I being supportive. I knowwww! We got so kilig.

Our super young Economics prof! And on the day that this was taken, he promised that he'll kiss me if ever I won't be able to find my missing prelim exams. 021512

Little Batman on the side of my PolGov notes! Doodled that. 021712

Derrick Rose! See what Chame did there.

View from Danela's condo! At Bellagio. And I realized how poor I was that day. 022312

With Le Ann! Awesome bonding with first sem classmates. Finally, after several eons! 030212

'Cause Charmaine's back to school! ♥ She was absent the day after, and I just love rubbing in her face the fact that she missed a lot. 030312

Finishing this post with an awesome pic with the awesome foursome. xx!

And this is because this secret's getting harder to keep

I have ascertained that I might be crushing on someone at the moment. Or not? I really don't know. All I have in mind is the fact that I'll be screwed if ever they'll know about "it". Yes, and I have no plans of telling anybody about this. It felt so wrong! I wanted to stop myself, but I can't. I. Just. Can't. And the reason why, I can't figure out.

I can see no sign of progress anywhere -- nowhere near, not now, not even in the near future. It's not that I wanted to make something happen, really, it's just that... I think of him a lot and it's undeniable. Sometimes I even daydream, and I refrain myself from mentioning anything about him because I'm afraid they might caught me. Ughhh! There I said it! And for the record, it's making me unbearably confused. The kind of confusion that I haven't experienced yet even with/from my previous relationshits. Ha! Sweet cheesus, I barely even know that guy and this is happening to me. Whyyyy!

...But if this is because I'll meet him one day and he'll do the "Best Love Song surprise" I've been ogling on since like, forever, then I'd wait patiently even if it takes forever. NOT. On a deeper note, I would really do if he's *beeeeeeeeeeeep*. Not Jemmar Serapion, if he's the first person who popped in your mind. Teehee.