Yearning

I want to feel something.

I want to be someone.

I want to be happy. I want to chase my dreams and live in them. I want to do it for the rest of my life. I don't want to be exhausted from work, I want exhaustingly blissful from doing what I love the most. I want to turn these dreams into reality.

I want to write. I want to have something published. I want it to be relevant, or better yet, a best-seller. I want to go back in time and take a chance on journalism or creative writing. I want to be a writer for the longest time. I want to be a writer.

I want to be melancholic. I want to feel sad from being rejected. I want to be frustrated so as to be motivated. I want to feel like I'm losing hope. I want to try out talking to God more fervently. I want to be stronger.

I want to be a genius. I want to be a diplomat. I want to be an ambassador. I want to travel the world while making a stand. I want to be the hero in the world of diplomacy. I want to be less indolent now and start involving myself. I want to belong.

I want to build a home. I want to be a wife, a mom. I want to fulfill him, I want him to be happy. I want to make love. I want to bear a child out of  love. I want us to be the best parents. I want them to be the best children, too. I want him to build a family with me.

I want to grow old with him. I want us to die together so we will never be grievous for missing each  other. I want to hold his wrinkled hand and kiss his wrinkled forehead. I want to spend my whole life with him.

I want things to be the way I want them to be.

If not, then, I just want to be happy by writing the greatest things about him. He's what I want and that all it takes.

"I Got Your Back" is Stupid

It's no surprise that the way things were handled this year is the same as then. Not that I'm "reverse bittering" (or am I?) though, but what happened is a sheer microcosm of the real world-- no more places for much deserving people, only for the ones who go through the infamous backer system.

If you don't know what "backer system" is, maybe it's about time you do. Definitelyfilipino.com in its article entitled "The “Backer Phenomenon” in Philippine Employment Process" mentioned that it is when interviewers prefer to look directly at the “referral” section of the applicant resume. They tend to scan it if there is someone you might know or had referred you to the company and if it does have, well, most of the time you’ll get hired a.s.a.p. Amazing, isn't it? Now you know the monstrosity that is employment in the PH, heh.

I personally loathe this process. It is not just because people could get their way easily sans hard work, but also because (much) deserving people were robbed with positions suited for their capability and probably, a chance to prove his worth and turn things 'round that might not just be a big help for him, but for the company as well. Sad as it could be, opportunists just use this to have an outstanding record and/or for their own political, social, and even sexual (lol) ambitions. I've seen how people close to me get things done by this one hell of a medium and all I can say is f. Vying for a position to have some place and status? Great, and you call yourself a leader? Just my two cents, I'd say it's pure bullshit. We all know that they're just after some nice piece of shit to add on their resumes, right? Fake. But really, do we need this?

I don't know, I sounded too harsh and activist-ish, and I am fully aware that man is by nature a political animal so...



...

Self, you are going to be mighty fine one day and this won't matter anymore. Promise. Pinky swear? Now move on and forget this 'cause this, right here, won't hinder even your wildest dreams.

On Infidelity

NOTE: I am in an awesome relationship and no one's being infidel. I just want to vent my feelings out as regards to ABS-CBN's "The Legal Wife" just because. 

Not that I hate this show, --I like it, even-- but the scenes... I can't help but get carried away! I couldn't be more appalled by how the protagonist is being betrayed by her husband and her bestfriend-- I mean, making up projects just so they could sneak away, have dates just after meeting his wife, and even fcuk behind her back?! I can't imagine how that process works and I won't even bother knowing it. I am a huge infidelity-buster and would dare not to be a cheater so please, try to understand why I'm so affected by this. I was never cheated on, just cheated on my mind but I can never get over.

Putting myself in the wife's shoes, I would confront my husband straight up without any hesitations. Better be sure than sorry, right? I'd rather know the truth right now than have that bullcrap go on behind my back for a long time. And as for the bestfriend, friendship over. They better wait for their karma 'cause it's either I will or I will not plot a revenge. Mehehe. Whyyy, could they blame me? I'm the one who's egged on.

Taking back the husband won't be easy. If I were cheated on, I won't manage to have, uhm, sex with the cheater (hehe) - slash - husband 'cause I'd only think of how he is when he's with her, what they did, and all his sins. If the term "nakakalaki" exists, then so does "nakakababae". I honestly would be offended and I think I could never forget and just bring this up every time we'll argue, but, yes, I can forgive him. Only, the way I treat him might change and give him a cold shoulder 'til who knows when.

The show's halfway through, I guess. I can't wait for its ending but if it will be according to moi, I'd have the protagonist's husband and bestfriend rotting together in misery. Kidding aside, I just want Monica and Adrian to separate 'cause ending up together would be cliche. Hihi.

xx