Sundays Currently III

This Sunday, I am currently...

READING

My previous posts. I am trying to inspire myself by looking back at how creative I was. I'm not sure if this would regenerate my creative juice flow but look, this is my second write-up for the year already! Not bad for someone who only made 2 entries for the year prior.

WRITING

My third Sundays Currently in the hopes of reviving this blog. I swear, I've been trying to write again. I know I've been saying the exact same line every year but ever since my work BFF found out that I was a "writer" and read some of my previous entries, he started pushing me to continue my childhood passion. I initially thought it was a good idea, but my wary self held back and thought it might be too late for me. It may or may not be, but I'm not gonna lie-- he really got me up and writing again that the Notes app in my phone is teeming with drafts! And I might just share them with you if I could make a masterpiece out of them.

LISTENING

NIKI has been my go-to artist for a few months now! When I started listening to her, I am more inclined towards her upbeat, dance-y tunes but lately I have been listening to her acoustic covers lost somewhere in YouTube. Do me a favor and listen to her version of Honeymoon Avenue!

THINKING

About this pandemic. In case you've been sleeping under a rock, the world is in a global crisis brought about by a certain coronavirus. Google it up for further explanations because I won't be doing any (lol) but you should know that shit is real since it has claimed a thousand lives already and it's causing a(n impeding) global recession. I am seriously anxious about it as much as I'm anxious that I am not delivering well enough to my manager. Uhmmm, people pleaser Jowi, you might want to take a rest?

SMELLING

The upcoming revolution. See you on the streets.

WISHING

That this crisis will be over soon. Everyone is sure that behaviors will change along with the demise of the pandemic but right now, it's bringing out the best and the worst in humanity and I am both amused and angered at the same time. I also wish that people will be more empathetic in these trying times. 

HOPING

Once this is over and everyone is well, I hope things fall into place for me.

WEARING

This nice satin PJ set... Kidding! I have no one to impress at home so I just donned my Elmo duster that I've been wearing since I was 12.

LOVING

The late night calls Ralph and I are having. We haven't seen each other for weeks and my anxiety has gone through the roof. It's the only thing that has been keeping me sane lately.

WANTING

As introvert as can be, being in my personal space gives me life but lately, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GO OUT! Maybe this is not the ideal time but I really miss planning my outfits, doing my makeup, eating out, going to work (workaholic spotted), hanging out with my friends, dating my boyfriend, yadda yadda, I could go on, really, but the bottomline is I just miss going out and this is driving me nuts. I suddenly want to regret all the times I ditched an invite. 

NEEDING

I need to make a decision. I found myself watching curly hair transformation vlogs lately and I've been dying to grow my natural hair since. Should I do it? I have been chemically straight for half my life and if my tresses could talk I bet they'll be thanking me if I go natural.

FEELING

A tad bit lonely with what is happening to the world and whole lot of pissed with how this government is handling this crisis. AND I MISS RALPH.

Hey,

It’s been a while since I penned something personal here. I mean, everything I’ve written here is personal, it’s just that I think I haven’t written anything that’s not structured, poem-like, or letter-like for the longest time. A diary kinda write-up, that is.

Like it matters.

Anyway, I missed blogging like this! I can’t even remember the last time I came here to just randomly vent without overanalyzing what everyone would say when they stumble upon this rabbit hole. I know, I know, it's not like I have a lot of readers, but my adult self won't advertise her blog like she did back in the day. 

Hmmm, maybe I spilled a thing or two about this to some friends but I only gave the link to the person I trust the most. And I'm glad I did just that, 'cause I backread and halfway through doing so, I was cringing at some of  the things I've written here! Well, some made me proud though, but what would they say if they get their hands on this? 

Welp, there is nothing new to show anyway... 

Until today, that is! Three months into the year and here I am trying to revamp this entire thing. Usually, the urge comes later in the year but due to incessant boredom, I found myself in the process of editing the template (as in how this blog looks) but I hated the resolution of the images in my output so I've decided to just halt the entire renovation thing until I find out the reason. Man, I was really looking forward to a more minimalist look, though! I've gotten really tired of the princess-y pink themes I stuck with through the years and this new one I came up with is more matured as it fits my current aesthetic. And age.

I am now 25! Older, wiser, but more emotional and more empathetic, probably.

Before the year started, one of my best buds asked what I wanted for the incoming year-- I told him, I wish everything would fall into place for me. I've always stated in this cyber outlet how things were never in my favor and, surprise! They still aren't, up to this day. But don't worry. I'm still your persistent baby girl who believes that working hard... still won't get you there. LOL. This is the second time this happened to me. This feeling's familiar already, I should know how to react, but no, I can't help but succumb to my feelings. No one is to blame, just me and my thirst for recognition-induced validation. Do me a favor and tell me this isn't bad and things will be alright.

You might be wondering, why does it seem like have a lot of time in my hands? Well, how can I forget? We are on a community lockdown and we're not allowed to go out. This is the government's effort to reduce a pandemic, minus the mass testing. Stupid, I know.

I am an introvert and staying at home is starting to bore the hell out of me! For real, I already miss going outside and that's unusual because those words never mixed in my vocabulary. Okay, maybe I just miss the boyfriend badly.

Years from now, my nostalgic ass would re-read parts of this blog (I should know, I have been doing that) and remember how all of this made me feel. I should be enraged reading this by then but I wish I should also be relieved by that time because I really hope that things would be better when the time comes. Crossing my fingers!

P.S.: I'm sorry for how bad and random this turned out.