You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not

I'd like to believe that he did nothing wrong... that he didn't lead me on, that he never lied, that I shouldn't be mad at him, but it turns out that I'm just fooling myself.

I guess it's been eons since the last time I cried this hard. Mind you, I don't usually cry but when I do, it's because I can't take the pain anymore. I don't normally show that I'm sad because I never wanted to be the mood killer, but there's just something today that made me burst into an emotional breakdown.

Earlier, I wasn't able to contain myself. Apparently, the news I heard the night before was so timely because today, 24th of February, marks one year after I fell into the "trap" A.K.A. "the sweetest lies". Which means that a year had passed since the motive went from being subtle to extreme. I couldn't deny the fact that I'm happy all because of one person, and that one person was the one I've been wishing for ever since God knows when. Should I retell the part where I fell head over heels for him over and over again when he said "Pag nagselos ka uli break na tayo?" after I didn't spoke to him for days? Ok, no. But there you go, I wish you see what I did there.

Back to the news. I just overheard what happened to him and his recent breakup. For Cries' sake, I learned that she broke up just because she thinks that the sparks have flown away. Sweet cheesus. Okay, lemme see. 6 months, and he spoiled her with everything, SMS-ed her sweet messages before she goes to sleep and before she wakes up, fetch her from school despite the fact that he doesn't live in Malabon anymore, and blah, and blah, and blah, things I wish he did to me, but never happened. In fact, he does the contrary when it comes to me. But how come I still care for him? Almost 3 years, I know I shouldn't be hurting but I did. I even cried. It's because I came to realize that I haven't done anything to hurt him yet she was chosen instead of me. I've always been here, but instead he ventured away. She hurt him and I have never thought of doing that. This and that, compare and contrast, I figured that I could never change his decision. He wanted it, now he's hurting. I want to think that karma's hitting on him but it seems like I'm feeling his pain as well. Ugh. Can somebody bitchslap me? I need to get back to my normal self. And I need to forget about this crap, for cries' sake, I can't wait to get over this.

Dealing with a heart that I didn't break;

I'll be there for you,

I will care for you,

I keep thinking, you just don't know.

Let's call this post "A Disguise For `My Valentines Wishlist` Post"

Psssshhh, the P word is just so redundant. So for that, I will avoid using the word for this entire body of post. Oh, oops. Hihi.

Ah, whatever. But before I start, lemme just tell the truth about the fact that I feel like blogging only because I have to get rid of unnecessary drafts on my phone. And one of them is this, my not-so-secret secret valentines day wishlist. I know, too girly for myself and too surreal for my life. But it's on my phone, which means I secretly daydream about it. Hihi. Anyway, I blame the "holiday" for giving me inspiration to do this kind of post. Now let me present to you, the mushy side of yours truly.

1. To receive a bouquet of flowers is sweet, but for me it is sweeter when the flowers are edible. And they have to be chocolates. of course!
2. I've always wanted a customized Kinder Surprise Egg. And inside are sweet what-nots and... a necklace would do. Lels.
3. A life-size teddy bear... With a Superman symbol on its chest, a cape, and a sweet punchline related to Superman, love, and us. Ehhhh!
4. And since I'm a 9gagger, I've been ogling on these Derp and Derpina matching necklaces... I WANT ONE!
5. I want a Basketball-related surprise. And Kobe merchandise! Ehem ehem. You play basketball, right? You understand me.
6. My dream surprise, actually. "He"`d wait for my dismissal and as soon as I step out of the gate, T-Pain and CB's "Best Love Song" would play and I'll stand there looking completely puzzled. Then I'd be embarrassed in a sweet way 'cause he'll start dancing to it with awesome moves and finish it with a really cute relationship proposal to which I'd say yes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ULTRA GAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!

Life and its surprises

I have loved, got hurt, and forsworn that I would never love again but as usual, the aforementioned are remnants of my broken vows. As I see it, love is too complex for my life and probably it's the same reason why I'm still single.

Speaking of complexity, I think I'm doing the stupidest thing ever... and I'm not going to mention anything much about it, yet, but I'll give a slight hint about it. Talk about love! And "strangers". And the fact that I think it's wrong unless it's for someone popular. Neeeeehhhh, but it's just awfully retarded that I'm starting to think that something must be wrong with myself. Urgh, the actual fuckery and all things sane. Why is this happening to my life? How come I'm thinking of him? I don't have any clue but I guess I must thank the Heavens above for giving me a reason to barf rainbows.

One Four Three

Valentine's Day, Hearts Day, Single Awareness Day, Whatever you call it Day, it doesn't matter 'cause I still can't produce my own kilig. I know, I suck at making landi and all, which means that I won't be talking about myself in this post. Hihi.

Like any other Tuesdays, nothing much had happened. Except that we see a lot of people around us being sweet and cuddly... and I stand there in awe, wishing I could feel the same. But NO, I'm not getting any sweets soon. But just as I was about to feel envious of them, my friend who happened to be in the same school, dropped by and gave me a cupcake! Sweet! And then everybody was like, "Yieeeee" 'cause they thought that it was from someone special. Ha! No, he's just a friend, and a friend of my ___ actually. But he saved me! Thank you, Donne!

After lunch, my friend Charmaine got a surprise! I'm sure she's happy, and we were just so happy for her!!! I swear, we looked like idiots jumping for joy that even our class vice president got angry. Hahahaha! Bitter. But heck, I was just so kilig and I don't care about anybody else.

I was about to have a date with my bestfriend but it turns out she can't come because of some things. Aw, the heck, we'll go out on Friday anyway!!! The looove. 4 months of not seeing each other, we'll disregard you!

That sums up my day. Yes, I'm happy, no need to worry. I will find myself a boyfriend soon, I promise! ♥

I told you, "You might have him, but I always get the last word"

I would like to believe that karma's a bitch and too much of that is on its way to "him". So again, they broke up. And that kiddo, for imbecile reasons, started posting "Happy Valentines Day!" on her friends'profile. She posted on her ex's profile and as I can see, there's a slight hint of pamiss and intentional hurting whatsoever in it. Seriously, I don't like it. After I posted "She better hold him tight, give him all the love, look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star." she'll do that?! Sweet Jesus. I just told her, but in a really really subtle manner, that I'm leaving everything to her and she can have him. Just. Don't. Ever. Hurt. Him. BUT SHE JUST DID.

Oh come on, I could have been better than that. But I was never given the chance to prove it and worst, I got hurt so... there you go, you're feeling the same now. Good luck with that, 'cause I'm over that phase and too bad I can't stay with him there. Hah! Mwah!

Reasons Why I'd Rather Not Celebrate Valentines' Day

1. I'm single and I know it.
2. My friends will/might brag that they have dates.
3. I'm forever alone and somebody rubbed it in my face so hard that I wanted to hit that person then and there.
4. Yes, thy "ex" is single, but I don't give a fuck anymore.
5. I have far more better things to do than go on a date -- like study for school.
6. This list can go on but I'm sure it will just slap me with two too many you-know-you-are-not-with-anyone sentences.

...

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To be honest, never in my entire life have I received a gift from anyone on Valentines' Day. Ha! I know, that sucks and for that, I'm such a loser. Plus the fact that I never had a boyfriend, it's an addition to everything that screams "single and will never have a boyfriend soon". However, I'm not saying that not being in a relationship is sad, its just that you'll feel something that makes you want to crave for some kind of affection that you can't get from your family and friends. And that I have experienced, never in my entire 17 years of existence. Zzzzz...

Anyhoo, I'm fine and... why, is this another post about love? Ugggghhh. I'm done