I'd like to believe that he did nothing wrong... that he didn't lead me on, that he never lied, that I shouldn't be mad at him, but it turns out that I'm just fooling myself.
I guess it's been eons since the last time I cried this hard. Mind you, I don't usually cry but when I do, it's because I can't take the pain anymore. I don't normally show that I'm sad because I never wanted to be the mood killer, but there's just something today that made me burst into an emotional breakdown.
Earlier, I wasn't able to contain myself. Apparently, the news I heard the night before was so timely because today, 24th of February, marks one year after I fell into the "trap" A.K.A. "the sweetest lies". Which means that a year had passed since the motive went from being subtle to extreme. I couldn't deny the fact that I'm happy all because of one person, and that one person was the one I've been wishing for ever since God knows when. Should I retell the part where I fell head over heels for him over and over again when he said "Pag nagselos ka uli break na tayo?" after I didn't spoke to him for days? Ok, no. But there you go, I wish you see what I did there.
Back to the news. I just overheard what happened to him and his recent breakup. For Cries' sake, I learned that she broke up just because she thinks that the sparks have flown away. Sweet cheesus. Okay, lemme see. 6 months, and he spoiled her with everything, SMS-ed her sweet messages before she goes to sleep and before she wakes up, fetch her from school despite the fact that he doesn't live in Malabon anymore, and blah, and blah, and blah, things I wish he did to me, but never happened. In fact, he does the contrary when it comes to me. But how come I still care for him? Almost 3 years, I know I shouldn't be hurting but I did. I even cried. It's because I came to realize that I haven't done anything to hurt him yet she was chosen instead of me. I've always been here, but instead he ventured away. She hurt him and I have never thought of doing that. This and that, compare and contrast, I figured that I could never change his decision. He wanted it, now he's hurting. I want to think that karma's hitting on him but it seems like I'm feeling his pain as well. Ugh. Can somebody bitchslap me? I need to get back to my normal self. And I need to forget about this crap, for cries' sake, I can't wait to get over this.
Dealing with a heart that I didn't break;
I'll be there for you,
I will care for you,
I keep thinking, you just don't know.
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