Sundays Currently I

In the hopes of reviving my blog, I am giving Siddathorntorn's Sunday Currently a try! I got the idea from stalking Maine Mendoza's blog who linked the mastermind of all this in her entry.

This Sunday, I am currently...

Just Another Nonsensical Post About How Nonsensical My Blogging Life Is

Oh, hello. It's been a while.



And as per usual, I have no idea what to write. I've been trying to, in fact, I just got over my drafts and found pieces I wrote that dated back last year but they ended up not making it to the blog. Maybe I never tried to finish them, maybe they aren't just good enough, or maybe my writing sucks so bad I finally realized that I have to stop writing now...

Ok, that was so overreacting of me but please bear with me. I'm trying to rekindle with this old flame o'mine and I'm not even close to succeeding at it. Ugh.

I am beyond frustrated and depressed.

Demise

I already prepared myself for the tough week ahead-- only because I expected that it's going to be a long and exhausting week at work, not because I'd be losing someone so great to me, my heart will break into tiny shards I can't even figure out how to put back in place.

Daddy, you may rest now. Everyday has been a struggle for you and it sucks that you never told us that you've been feeling something wrong all this time. We could've done something but you didn't allow us to worry. Dad, I 'd rather be worried than lose you in a snap. But this happened and I guess this is better than letting you suffer in the worst possible way. I can never, but I'll try forget the vivid image of you being revived and then losing it all. I hope you understand that I don't want to come near you yet because I can't bear to see you like that but please, encourage me like what you'll always do during the old times.

You'd always tell me to not eat fat cause it's too cholesterol-y. Mind you, I never did since 2004, the first time you told me. You health conscious prick. Help me gain weight cause you always wanted to see me healthy. Also, don't worry about practicality. I get it, dad, I just wanted to spoil you on your (unknowingly) last days which is why I wasn't too thrifty then. Calm down, okay. You know I inherited a lot of your traits so I got this. And dad, ew, you know I don't want to marry yet! Like srsly, we'll still buy your LCD TV, right? Haha. But... Dad, I wish I did marry earlier. Cause who's going to walk with me down the aisle now? You better do, dad. Your spirit better walk with me otherwise I'll have someone wear a mask with your face on it and force whoever he is to walk with me. Ha. Speaking of which, I already had plans for your Silver Wedding Anniversary, y'know. It breaks my heart knowing that you won't be there to celebrate it... Not even on our upcoming birthdays, Christmases, New Years, even Lela's graduation. Daddy, it won't ever be the same without your presence. Know that I'd always wish for you to be there.

I don't know how I'll start living again cause I never expected this to happen real soon. Nevertheless, I know God will guide us like He always did when you were still here. Daddy, thank you for being there with me for 20 years. It will never be enough for me but it is long enough to love you and feel your love. I love you, daddy. Always have and always will, and like what I'd always say in my previous posts, it is not Ralph, but you are my forever and always.

Rest in peace as well, tatay Temmy. I will never forget your life encouragements for me with regard to the family.

We lost two great men in the family in one night. Let us pray for them.

Time Traveller

Four years had gone since I first donned my blue uniform with matching sky high heels and a smile. Four years had gone since I first entered LPU with minimum knowledge about the world I am about to venture. Four years had gone and here I am now, about to harvest everything that I sowed in that span of time. Four years, one day. Everything went so fast, didn't you notice the time?

If I were to look back at everything and ponder what the most vivid memory of college that left a stain on my brain is, I won't say that it's the day I was recognized for my achievements nor is it the days when my profs actually noticed my distinct talent. I may sound absurd, but trust me, the triumph of winning over your littlest predicaments is what I will always remember. Remember when we were asked to make a thesis in the vernacular and goit cranky and tongue-tied cause we're used to english theses cause that's the norm? We got 90. Oh, remember when we had to translate this in alibata just because? We got 1.75 as our grade! Wait, remember when we have to identify where does this certain organ belong to? We aced the questions in the science quiz bee! That and more, I know it will make you laugh and eventually realize that "Hey, I made it." Such things will always remind you that you did it and you have to keep on moving. Take it from someone who won't really exert a lot of effort but gets agitated and nervous when results are about to be released. Ha! Don't get me wrong though. I never had 3s, mind you. *winks* For someone who only had 5 non-temporary permits on the duration of her entire college life, it has always been a regret that I didn't work hard enough to at least compensate my parents' efforts to send me to school. Sad, but hey... I'm on time!

Like what my friend said on her virtual valedictory speech; "Sending a child to school is a responsibility, but for me, it is a privilege." I experienced cross cutting through means of reducing my allowance for the sake of our entire household. Well, my dad believed that Php50 would come a long way and he was *ehem* right. Moreover, my mom has always fallen in line in the promissory settlement and I can't even remember the times when I'd not see the words "Temporary Permit" on my test permit. Worst comes to worst, there was even a time when I'll have my friends pay for me and just pay them afterwards cause I couldn't afford yet. But I'll always be thankful cause God sent me these people as the catalysts of my survival in this hullaballoo disguised as college.

To my family, I couldn't thank you enough for all the sacrifices you made just so we could afford my education. I love you all and I promise to get back to you. Never forget that this is for you, dad, cause I know that it is my fault that we lost your store. Also, this is for you, mommy, cause you weren't able to march on your graduation day because then, all you could afford was the UST education and your diploma and I'm glad to march for you. Lela, this is also for you cause you sacrificed the things you want for me, being the eldest. I may hate you sometimes but you know I'd love to spoil you 'cause you're my spoiled-since-birth little sissums and we know you missed that. You are the best and I'm happy that we never broke apart despite the challenges.

To my friends, especially Awesome Four-Sam, I love you all. You know I won't be able to survive everyday without your daily dose of jokes and craziness. Thank you for treating me everytime I'm broke and for understanding my thriftiness. Don't you dare seenzone, bishes! I'll really miss you all. I know I'll never meet anyone like you guys and I'll always cherish our moments. Thank you, Jans, for being a constant reminder that I should always strive to achieve the things I want. Chella, I couldn't thank you enough for all the laughter you brought into my life. You lift up my sad spirit with your cheerful vibe. Sam, thank you for being immature with me! Other than you, there's no one I can laugh with the way we do. Chame, my first ever bestfriend in college, thank you for all the financial support and everything you gave me. You have always been our greatest adviser and I'll never forget your words of wisdom. I love you, five, my ride-or-die bitches!

To my Ralph, we've been together since Second Year and it already felt like a long time. I love you, love, booboo bear, wuv wuv, bb! Having you in my life is the best thing that happened to me and God knows that I consider you as His greatest gift. Thank you for paying for me even before we were together... But then again, I know it's because you like me. Lol. Kidding aside, I am so grateful that you are my boyfriend; for always providing me food cause my allowance won't suffice, for teaching me all the things I don't know but we'll end up arguing because of our contradicting perspectives, and most of all, for being there when no one else is and for believing that I can when my insides are deteriorating. I'll never get tired of saying I love you. I can't wait to pay you back.

Thank you, LPU and my mentors. I' ve learned a lot and I am beyond honored to be your student. Despite all the headaches and smiles, I still love you all and I'll be forever grateful.

Finally, thank You, Lord, for giving me the strength to finish this ride. I love You and thank You for being the only constant in my forever impermanent world.

Now, self, go out there and achieve your dreams! I did not notice the time that passed but I know your time is now.

Intimidation Schmintimidation

Here's a little reality check for everyone who thinks the reason why they're single is because they're intimidating; NO, YOU AREN'T.

Lately, this certain Elite Daily article regarding the aforementioned spread like wildfire on Facebook with ladies embedding their self-absorbed yet subtle commentaries on top of their shared post. One may find it amusing because of the confidence they exude but some may find it irksome because the posts seemed like they lack humility. I am not trying to be anti-feminist here, but I am criticizing people for their ego.

Let me get back to my main objective; why are you single?

You are picky. Maybe you set a really high standard for yourself and you haven't met that person yet.

You are intimidated. Yes, the other way around. It is possible that maybe, you can't keep a convo going or simply, going out with men is not your thing. Now go (wo)man up and beat the timidness!

You aren't anyone's type... Yet. Don't worry, there's a perfect timing for everything.

Your attitude. Period. Res ipsa loquitur.

You love solitude. You like being alone. You hate another person's company. Just my two cents though, talking to someone is great.

You are an alpha woman. You are independent and you are awesome. Now be careful, you may face downfalls and feel sad because you have no one to share it with to ease the pain. You know what to do, tough cookie.

Or maybe, you really are intimidating. Yeah or nah, intimidating girls aren't self-confessed because one will never know that she is. Why? Because INTIMIDATED PEOPLE WON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE, INDEED AND LEGIT, INTIMIDATING. So why brag about it?

Girls, don't stress about your relationship status. We all have our princes, maybe yours is just lost somewhere still trying to look for you. For the meantime, work on your attitude because that kind of ego might just shoo him away!

Testing out Bloggeroid

Hi, everyone! I am trying out apps to see which one fits my phone the most and this one's bloggeroid.

Of International Relations and Graduation

Wise men would say that the past is not a nice place to stay in. One should move on, but he should come back every once in a while to see how far he had gone.

I guess yesterday was chosen to be one of those "onces" in once in a while. We had this Time Capsule event wherein we were asked to read in front of everyone the essays we passed back in freshman year. Some passed theirs, some did not, and here goes mine;

Of Confusion and International Relations

It was all set on the Summer of 2007. I, a fresh grad from elementary, is burning the phone lines with thy bestfriend who can't heko but overthink things and stress about the future. "Journalism?""Yes, Journalism!" We planned to take it since we thought that it's the course that fits us most. We just have to wait for a couple or more years before we start filing our entrance forms. Fast forward to Senior Year. It was just a hell of a ride! And entrance tests are such burdens. We stress about it as much as we stress about our grades. Stress was all over my system! And I guess it's pretty obvious because the redundancy of that word in this essay has reached its maximum level. Kidding! Hihi, Amidst the fact that I made a promise to my bestfriend that I'll be taking up AB-Journ with her, I put different courses as my frst choice in different application forms. Hah! So much for a future planner. 

And after all the mind-perplexing cogitating that I did, I have chosen this school and this course. Honestly, I was really clueless about Foreign Service... I do have common sense but my knowledge regarding the course is minimum, yet that was until I get to talk with this certain guide councilor. He described how diverse this college is! He even told me that it would be quite a lot of pressure on my shoulders because our soon-to-be professors are then ambassadors thus, they are highly-respected people... and I thought they were those species who seem scary and uncongenial, I just can't imagine myself face to face with such kind of people. The interview went fine and he said that I can handle this since he saw that this course fits me so well. So there, I've made up my mind and decided to pursue this. I was all giddy about it but of course, I'm scared because I'm expecting it to be difficult. Not just difficult, but bloody difficult which might lead to severe head banging drama and sleepless nights. Exaggerated, I know. Hence, there are fun things that I'm looking forward to like fieldtrips and festivals for example. Oh and, learning foreign languages! I am fascinated by such things plus I wanted to be multilingual. I know Filipino, English, Spanish from High School, and now I want to learn my lifelong dream - French. I've been so obsessed with it ever since. In accordance to that, I want to be a great speaker. But all in all, I'm just expecting it to be like High School, only harder.

I was never an expectant but I want to land a job in a prominent company after studying. Not just that, I also would want a job that suits my interest. Most importantly, I don't ever want to regret taking this course instead of the original plan. Hopefully in the future I'll say,"I regret nothing." 

It was so surreal that for the first time in my ten years of existence in the blogging realm, I was able to share my work with everyone who, surprisingly, gave positive feedback. My heart flutters every time I think that they were listening in awe with laughs and reactions and OH, THEY APPLAUDED! I don't know how I did it, but I am immensely happy. High five to my sixteen-year-old self for not putting my twenty-year-old self in shame. Huzzah! By the way, graduation is in four weeks! Just let that sink in.

With everything that happened, I came to figure out why throwbacks exist-- to make us feel in another way the emotions we felt otherwise back in the day.

Thirty-two Days

How long has it been? 

I don't know if it's still the most terrible writer's block I had in years or my lack of competency, but I've been struggling long enough to neglect this blog. I wanted to write like I used to, but I can't seem to write like I did back in the day and it's making me ache 'cause I know it only means that I'm rusting. Nooooooo!

On to better news; I took my final Final exams yesterday!!! I don't know how I did it, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me who accomplished everything-- it was Him. All glory! And speaking of which, our graduation will be in a month. Huzzah!!!

Will try to post better stuff soon. xx

On My Recent Hiatus

Your resident babble machine has been under construction lately. College has drained my creative juices to the point that my English started to suck and I can write no more. I am helpless. My blog is helpless. Nothing is up.

But I've been busy.

I ended my battle with Midterms recently and looking back at my performance, I think the graduation ship has tilted. LOL, I kid! But I am hoping and praying that everything will turn out fine for me to be able to leave school permanently. Huzzah! Oh and, It's elections week! Been on the yellow side for four years now and we're rooting for our third win. Speaking of win, I am up for another spelling bee contest on February 10! I am both excited and anxious at the same time 'cause I badly want to win however, it would always ring in me that I think I'm not good enough. GOOD LORD, GUIDE ME. I need money for the upcoming diplomatic ball. YAS! The highlight of the month, probably.To be held on 28th of February, we are expected to wear long gowns and look beautiful for a night. I could not wait!!! Or not. I could not feign excitement 'cause I don't have moolah to spare. Sad. And how sawn on my sentences in this paragraph are is depressing.

As for the moment, I am bracing myself for finals. F I N A L S!!! I really want to edit my blog template now, but college is taking up so much of my time so I'd save that for summer. For now, let me concentrate on our thesis... okay, baby thesis.

Wish me luck. I might not be able to update for weeks but always know that I love you all.


P.S.: I AM HAVING THE WORST WRITER'S BLOCK EVER.

xx