Dreaming of a Friday Night Out

My Fridays are always spontaneous. One day I'm out having drinks with the girls then the next, I am declining every invite because I want to curl up in bed.

However, due to this pandemic, it’s usually just the latter except, I don't have any invites to decline. Ok, maybe Zoom and Houseparty invites, but still... I am left with no choice because I'm still at home. Curled up in bed, probably.

I wonder why I feel indifferent doing catch-ups online-- I see you, yes, thanks to modern technology, but for me it’s not similar with meeting you in flesh. Sure it does the job but I still feel like something's missing... Or maybe I'm just too clingy?

Prior to this whole fiasco, Fridays would never not pump me up. Aside from being the last working day, it's the only day of the week that doesn't feel hectic and strenuous. For some reason, Fridays are always light-hearted-- like your typical rom-com movie that leaves you smitten after watching.

With some reservations, I can say that I still kinda look forward to Fridays. Work from home includes invasion of personal time and I’ve come to accept it just now. For a month, it brought me to a dark place. It made me high-functional because I tend to overthink things--I thought I can't fail, I knew I can't. And as long as this is considered as "normal", I don't think I can love it the same way because I know Saturdays are business as usual... And I need a break!

Now that it's been months since I last stepped outside, I found myself dreaming of a night out while being nostalgic about a lot of things. I'd rather not be at home now.

I long to be somewhere chill with my college clique. Chill because we‘re too loud and we don't want other people overpowering our energy. LOL. I'm still hungover from the night we had unlimited sangria at UCC two freakin' years ago. That was the night we talked endlessly about adulting and relationships; something we never did until then! But if there’s one thing I’m really after, it’s laughing boisterously at the jokes we make in between because as I’ve said, it's always a crazy good time with this witty bunch who’s always packed with ludicrous banters. GAHD, I MISS THESE GIRLS THE MOST.

I also miss wine nights with with my work buddies. I seldom join but all those times have etched a memoir in my mind that I think I miss Torch now when at some point in my life, I grew tired of their nachos and thought their salsa sucks. Our discussions would always vary in maturity but whatever it is, we tend to laugh it off after.

Ahhhh, Vertis! It has been one of my fave spots recently, thanks to its vicinity from where I work. Whether it be Mama Lou's, Scout's Honor, or BonChon, a good dinner and a nice catch up with one of my friends would hit a spot right in the tummy and in my clingy heart.

Would I dare leave a coffee shop out of this? Of course not! I miss having my usual at one of Starbuck's very lowkey branches (that I won't dare mention) and oh, my iced pure blended double chocolate from CBTL! Ohhhhh, to be able to slack off in a couch with a bff and talk about life in general. Just one of the few things we can’t do now without extra caution.

Man, I miss going out. And for the first time, my introvert ass approves.

Of Old Habits and the New Normal

I came to the conclusion that if you’re here, it’s probably because I posted a cryptic Instagram story of my blog page and you know what it means as one of my trusted friends, oooorrrr you stumbled upon my Instagram page and clicked the link that I added in my bio. Eitherway, I know we’ve both got nothing good to do so here you are, marveling at the output of my faux productivity. Blah blah blah, welcome to the cyber loft!

To be honest, the welcome was unnecessary.

Supposedly, today is the end of the lockdown but due to circumstances that would probably kill us [alongside our government's incompetence], it was extended for another 15 days thus, further tormenting my overthinking mind. Though I am in favor of it, I can't help but still be anxious because medical solutions are continuously being overlooked by the clowns in power. #SolusyongMedikalHindiMilitar. Also, the double standards being exhibited in handling quarantine violations angers me. So far, someone has been shot to death and another has been mauled while our government officials who did worse than them gets compassion. Ignorance of the law excuses no one, we know that, but if these nonchalant pigs who are supposed to be exemplary are being excused, then my faith in this government remains intangible.

Work from home has been less serious on my end, if I may say. We aren't needed as much as everyone else (YET! *knocks on wood*) as of this time-being and for some reason, it's driving me crazy. For context, y'all know that I always have the urge to compete-- I feel like I should always do things better than anyone else and/or emerge on top, however, I don't feel like being productive in the middle of the pandemic since my mind is already preoccupied with shitload of things. Awhile back, my manager commended me, saying it's good that I've been setting standards for myself. I don't know if I should believe her still because recently, these standards have been giving me anxiety attacks for fear that I might be underperforming and my work-related growth will be hindered. Again, this is on me and my constant need for recognition-induced validation. Yeah, fuck me alright, maybe I should take a chill pill.

With all these in my mind, maybe you're wondering, how do I cope?

For starters, I binge-watch everything that I can.

From vlogs to series, I skip from one title to another because having something to divert my feelings to eases me. Everytime I need a good laugh, I'd just pop Filthy Frank's or Team Payaman's channels on YouTube for quality comedic content that will surely leave your guts hurting. I'd also watch lifestyle vlogs and feel bad that I'm poor. Kidding! But I love watching designer hauls and shoe & bag collections. Also, I tune in to Good Times for my weekly dose of laughter, care of my favorite DJs from Magic. All thanks to their intellectual and humorous opinions regarding random, mundane topics, I am entertained just before dozing off. Time and again, I've proven that I'm a huge slacker when it comes to watching series but I've managed to watch all 5 seasons of Peaky Blinders! Its historic references is what probably got me but Tommy Shelby and Polly Gray's brilliant minds got me hooked. I've watched light binges as well such as Never Have I Ever and Too Hot to Handle just to maximize my money's worth on subscription. Ok, now, what do I watch next? Hmm.

I style.

Virtually, that is, since all I could do with my clothes now is to wash and fold them. Years ago, I would spend hours in Polyvore curating outfits that I wish to wear in occasions that I made up in my mind. Such a shame that the site shutdown last year and I had no idea! I wasn't able to backup my sets and now it's gone forever. 😞 Desperate, I looked for an alternative... and found Urstyle! And believe it or not, they were the owners of Polyvore! I couldn't be happier. Peep some of my sets below!

I pig out.

Ok, I think everyone's been pigging out because what is left for us to do? Lucky me, my mom has awesome cooking skills and she cooks everything I'd request! She'd gladly cook for me to the point that finally, I gained weight. Yes, you read that right! Although I've yet to confirm how heavy my gains are, I can tell that I finally fit in my clothes and I can hang my belts now! 😂

I write.

You know I would include this, it has to be here. Anyway, I brought my planner home and I would still write on it weekly as if my plans weren't affected by the pandemic. Aside from that, of course I've been drafting and blogging. No more explanations here because I did a lengthy one in my previous blog! Read if you're interested.

This is not what I would write on a daily basis. This is me pretending to write something while in a conference call.

I catch-up with my loved ones.

One of the few good things that this fiasco has brought us is our sudden need for connection. I heard a lot of you started talking to their exes, eh? Welp, I hope you don't get burned by the same flame twice. And as for me, your one-man woman, I've only reconnected with old cliques so far. Yeah, as if I have an ex to reconcile with. Anyway, a meet up has been set and I can't wait for it to happen soon! Errr, but right now, let's stick with our online parties since gatherings are still prohibited. Law-abiding citizens, baby!

Sometime this summer, I officially became a member of my boyf's fam's cousins only group chat HAHA

I shop.

Not gonna lie, retail therapy does soothe your nerves in a way. It's the chamomile tea for shopaholics whose hands are tingling! LMAO. Okay, just to clear things up, I am in no way an impulsive buyer. All those that I added to my cart are either within my budget or Ralph has offered to pay. HAHAHAHAAHA! But yeah, I hate to admit, but I love the feeling. Looking forward to have your order in your hands? The convenience of shopping everything and anything within your home? Having all the time in the world to decide which one to buy without a sales person judging you? Hallelujah! Thank God for online shopping.

Believe me, I needed all of this

I doll up.

I thought I was the only one but I came across this popular tweet where some people have agreed (with the tweet-er) that they feel a taste of normalcy by getting glammed up. I've been a bum since the start of this lockdown which means, I haven't dolled up in a really long time. Feeling myself from time to time sure does lift my spirits up for a bit... in fact, you should check my camera roll, I took a lot of selfies.

My new favorite selfie

As much as I love updating this thing and the unusual influx of creative juice, I'm still bummed that I am not in some villa by the beach up north having a good time with my work bestfriends. Yep, I have a supposed out of town trip to La Union and of course it didn't happen because of the pandemic.

Sigh. I can't wait for the day that this is all over.

Writing in 2020 for Your Resident Writer

It's 3 AM-ish and I’m feeling nostalgic.  

The last time I consistently slept at midnight was in college— some nights were dedicated for school and most were for my musings. Either I’m writing or I’m typing, it always has to be at par with what my mind is blurting otherwise, I’d be frustrated for not being able to properly convey my feelings in the way I am most familiar with. 

 And I can’t believe I am doing it again years later.

Writing has always been my sanctuary. For some reason, it kept me sane. It was the only self-expression I'm probably capable of that I've had entries for my blissful, gloomy, shattered, smitten, and whatever-you-can-think-of days. I could still remember the gush when a topic would suddenly pop in my head as I'm busy with something, or when I'd weave a good sentence out of nowhere and I'd frantically draft it in my primitive phone so I could incorporate it in whatever I'm going to write about later on. At that time, it was very liberating for me to produce write-ups out of my introspection especially because I had no one to talk to and I was told that I write quite well. Although my fastidious self would struggle curating my stories from time to time, it helped me hone my craft while enjoying it. Clicking the "Publish" button would always make me happy as well as having positive feedback from people who came here to read. It was probably my peak? 

Now, it's more of an achievement. My post count dipped and I'm really saddened that I haven't moved on from my massive writer's block. A lot has happened since those sleepless nights and I haven't written anything about them yet all because I can't put stories into words like I used to. Oh, and work kept me busy that I think one or two entries a year would suffice. Again, I am a perfectionist and I can't even surpass my own standards. Guess I'm the problem, eh?

Or maybe this year, I can be better. I hope I can be better.

Sundays Currently III

This Sunday, I am currently...

READING

My previous posts. I am trying to inspire myself by looking back at how creative I was. I'm not sure if this would regenerate my creative juice flow but look, this is my second write-up for the year already! Not bad for someone who only made 2 entries for the year prior.

WRITING

My third Sundays Currently in the hopes of reviving this blog. I swear, I've been trying to write again. I know I've been saying the exact same line every year but ever since my work BFF found out that I was a "writer" and read some of my previous entries, he started pushing me to continue my childhood passion. I initially thought it was a good idea, but my wary self held back and thought it might be too late for me. It may or may not be, but I'm not gonna lie-- he really got me up and writing again that the Notes app in my phone is teeming with drafts! And I might just share them with you if I could make a masterpiece out of them.

LISTENING

NIKI has been my go-to artist for a few months now! When I started listening to her, I am more inclined towards her upbeat, dance-y tunes but lately I have been listening to her acoustic covers lost somewhere in YouTube. Do me a favor and listen to her version of Honeymoon Avenue!

THINKING

About this pandemic. In case you've been sleeping under a rock, the world is in a global crisis brought about by a certain coronavirus. Google it up for further explanations because I won't be doing any (lol) but you should know that shit is real since it has claimed a thousand lives already and it's causing a(n impeding) global recession. I am seriously anxious about it as much as I'm anxious that I am not delivering well enough to my manager. Uhmmm, people pleaser Jowi, you might want to take a rest?

SMELLING

The upcoming revolution. See you on the streets.

WISHING

That this crisis will be over soon. Everyone is sure that behaviors will change along with the demise of the pandemic but right now, it's bringing out the best and the worst in humanity and I am both amused and angered at the same time. I also wish that people will be more empathetic in these trying times. 

HOPING

Once this is over and everyone is well, I hope things fall into place for me.

WEARING

This nice satin PJ set... Kidding! I have no one to impress at home so I just donned my Elmo duster that I've been wearing since I was 12.

LOVING

The late night calls Ralph and I are having. We haven't seen each other for weeks and my anxiety has gone through the roof. It's the only thing that has been keeping me sane lately.

WANTING

As introvert as can be, being in my personal space gives me life but lately, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GO OUT! Maybe this is not the ideal time but I really miss planning my outfits, doing my makeup, eating out, going to work (workaholic spotted), hanging out with my friends, dating my boyfriend, yadda yadda, I could go on, really, but the bottomline is I just miss going out and this is driving me nuts. I suddenly want to regret all the times I ditched an invite. 

NEEDING

I need to make a decision. I found myself watching curly hair transformation vlogs lately and I've been dying to grow my natural hair since. Should I do it? I have been chemically straight for half my life and if my tresses could talk I bet they'll be thanking me if I go natural.

FEELING

A tad bit lonely with what is happening to the world and whole lot of pissed with how this government is handling this crisis. AND I MISS RALPH.

Hey,

It’s been a while since I penned something personal here. I mean, everything I’ve written here is personal, it’s just that I think I haven’t written anything that’s not structured, poem-like, or letter-like for the longest time. A diary kinda write-up, that is.

Like it matters.

Anyway, I missed blogging like this! I can’t even remember the last time I came here to just randomly vent without overanalyzing what everyone would say when they stumble upon this rabbit hole. I know, I know, it's not like I have a lot of readers, but my adult self won't advertise her blog like she did back in the day. 

Hmmm, maybe I spilled a thing or two about this to some friends but I only gave the link to the person I trust the most. And I'm glad I did just that, 'cause I backread and halfway through doing so, I was cringing at some of  the things I've written here! Well, some made me proud though, but what would they say if they get their hands on this? 

Welp, there is nothing new to show anyway... 

Until today, that is! Three months into the year and here I am trying to revamp this entire thing. Usually, the urge comes later in the year but due to incessant boredom, I found myself in the process of editing the template (as in how this blog looks) but I hated the resolution of the images in my output so I've decided to just halt the entire renovation thing until I find out the reason. Man, I was really looking forward to a more minimalist look, though! I've gotten really tired of the princess-y pink themes I stuck with through the years and this new one I came up with is more matured as it fits my current aesthetic. And age.

I am now 25! Older, wiser, but more emotional and more empathetic, probably.

Before the year started, one of my best buds asked what I wanted for the incoming year-- I told him, I wish everything would fall into place for me. I've always stated in this cyber outlet how things were never in my favor and, surprise! They still aren't, up to this day. But don't worry. I'm still your persistent baby girl who believes that working hard... still won't get you there. LOL. This is the second time this happened to me. This feeling's familiar already, I should know how to react, but no, I can't help but succumb to my feelings. No one is to blame, just me and my thirst for recognition-induced validation. Do me a favor and tell me this isn't bad and things will be alright.

You might be wondering, why does it seem like have a lot of time in my hands? Well, how can I forget? We are on a community lockdown and we're not allowed to go out. This is the government's effort to reduce a pandemic, minus the mass testing. Stupid, I know.

I am an introvert and staying at home is starting to bore the hell out of me! For real, I already miss going outside and that's unusual because those words never mixed in my vocabulary. Okay, maybe I just miss the boyfriend badly.

Years from now, my nostalgic ass would re-read parts of this blog (I should know, I have been doing that) and remember how all of this made me feel. I should be enraged reading this by then but I wish I should also be relieved by that time because I really hope that things would be better when the time comes. Crossing my fingers!

P.S.: I'm sorry for how bad and random this turned out.

On My Recent Hiatus

Your resident babble machine has been under construction lately. College has drained my creative juices to the point that my English started to suck and I can write no more. I am helpless. My blog is helpless. Nothing is up.

But I've been busy.

I ended my battle with Midterms recently and looking back at my performance, I think the graduation ship has tilted. LOL, I kid! But I am hoping and praying that everything will turn out fine for me to be able to leave school permanently. Huzzah! Oh and, It's elections week! Been on the yellow side for four years now and we're rooting for our third win. Speaking of win, I am up for another spelling bee contest on February 10! I am both excited and anxious at the same time 'cause I badly want to win however, it would always ring in me that I think I'm not good enough. GOOD LORD, GUIDE ME. I need money for the upcoming diplomatic ball. YAS! The highlight of the month, probably.To be held on 28th of February, we are expected to wear long gowns and look beautiful for a night. I could not wait!!! Or not. I could not feign excitement 'cause I don't have moolah to spare. Sad. And how sawn on my sentences in this paragraph are is depressing.

As for the moment, I am bracing myself for finals. F I N A L S!!! I really want to edit my blog template now, but college is taking up so much of my time so I'd save that for summer. For now, let me concentrate on our thesis... okay, baby thesis.

Wish me luck. I might not be able to update for weeks but always know that I love you all.


P.S.: I AM HAVING THE WORST WRITER'S BLOCK EVER.

xx

Wants Upon a Season

From where I'm from, Christmas is celebrated for four months. September 1 kicks in and Christmas songs start playing everywhere! Okay, what the f, that sounds a bit like a cross-cultural-ish intro for this entry when the main point is to just put everything I wanted for Christmas. Ha! So, I present to you, my twenty-fourteen wishlist! (Please note that I still accept gifts on my birthday, which is just less than a month after Christmas. Thanks.)

A laptop which runs on a Win 8.1 OS would be useful 'cause apparently, our old one's busted. Sigh

An iPhone... or any awesome smart phone because I love Instagram.

A pair (or more) of platforms, boots, yadda yadda, all because I'm into fashion experimentation.

Let's throw in some cool clothes with that.

And accessories.

Makeups! And for specifications, I want NYX Matte lip creams (In the ff. shades: Addis Ababa, Amsterdam, Buenos Aires, Milan, Ibiza, Copenhagen, Morocco, and Cairo), Maybelline Falsies, In2It's eyebrow powder and highlighter, e.l.f. Blush and Bronzer duo, Bavi Phat BB Cream, a makeup pallette, and perhaps a makeup brush set.

A yellow or black Instax mini 8 or mini 90s! All because I am very sentimental and I am a memorabilia junkie. You know, when I've got lots of them and I've got my own place, I'd stick them on my wall.

Taylor Swift's new album and tickets to her next tour. I. LOVE. HER. SO. MUCH.

Intimate time with the boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Exclusion of sex, of course. I just feel like catching up on some things.

Candies and chocolates because I'm just like a kid.

An investment, perhaps business, for my parents.

Divine healing.

TO GRADUATE. And be rich.

Please

You tell them I'm your last like you've finally decided to spend your future with me. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad because we're too young to talk about marriage, yet old enough to plan for the future. Breakups are inevitable and you make it seem like it isn't. I love it but I'd always overthink and prepare myself for when the time comes. I dunno, I see my future with you but always I think you'll get tired of my bipolar attitude and then leave me eventually. I've put too much trust in you yet I still feel this way. Well, fuck me and my trust issues, right?

I love you, please stay.

"I Got Your Back" is Stupid

It's no surprise that the way things were handled this year is the same as then. Not that I'm "reverse bittering" (or am I?) though, but what happened is a sheer microcosm of the real world-- no more places for much deserving people, only for the ones who go through the infamous backer system.

If you don't know what "backer system" is, maybe it's about time you do. Definitelyfilipino.com in its article entitled "The “Backer Phenomenon” in Philippine Employment Process" mentioned that it is when interviewers prefer to look directly at the “referral” section of the applicant resume. They tend to scan it if there is someone you might know or had referred you to the company and if it does have, well, most of the time you’ll get hired a.s.a.p. Amazing, isn't it? Now you know the monstrosity that is employment in the PH, heh.

I personally loathe this process. It is not just because people could get their way easily sans hard work, but also because (much) deserving people were robbed with positions suited for their capability and probably, a chance to prove his worth and turn things 'round that might not just be a big help for him, but for the company as well. Sad as it could be, opportunists just use this to have an outstanding record and/or for their own political, social, and even sexual (lol) ambitions. I've seen how people close to me get things done by this one hell of a medium and all I can say is f. Vying for a position to have some place and status? Great, and you call yourself a leader? Just my two cents, I'd say it's pure bullshit. We all know that they're just after some nice piece of shit to add on their resumes, right? Fake. But really, do we need this?

I don't know, I sounded too harsh and activist-ish, and I am fully aware that man is by nature a political animal so...



...

Self, you are going to be mighty fine one day and this won't matter anymore. Promise. Pinky swear? Now move on and forget this 'cause this, right here, won't hinder even your wildest dreams.

On Infidelity

NOTE: I am in an awesome relationship and no one's being infidel. I just want to vent my feelings out as regards to ABS-CBN's "The Legal Wife" just because. 

Not that I hate this show, --I like it, even-- but the scenes... I can't help but get carried away! I couldn't be more appalled by how the protagonist is being betrayed by her husband and her bestfriend-- I mean, making up projects just so they could sneak away, have dates just after meeting his wife, and even fcuk behind her back?! I can't imagine how that process works and I won't even bother knowing it. I am a huge infidelity-buster and would dare not to be a cheater so please, try to understand why I'm so affected by this. I was never cheated on, just cheated on my mind but I can never get over.

Putting myself in the wife's shoes, I would confront my husband straight up without any hesitations. Better be sure than sorry, right? I'd rather know the truth right now than have that bullcrap go on behind my back for a long time. And as for the bestfriend, friendship over. They better wait for their karma 'cause it's either I will or I will not plot a revenge. Mehehe. Whyyy, could they blame me? I'm the one who's egged on.

Taking back the husband won't be easy. If I were cheated on, I won't manage to have, uhm, sex with the cheater (hehe) - slash - husband 'cause I'd only think of how he is when he's with her, what they did, and all his sins. If the term "nakakalaki" exists, then so does "nakakababae". I honestly would be offended and I think I could never forget and just bring this up every time we'll argue, but, yes, I can forgive him. Only, the way I treat him might change and give him a cold shoulder 'til who knows when.

The show's halfway through, I guess. I can't wait for its ending but if it will be according to moi, I'd have the protagonist's husband and bestfriend rotting together in misery. Kidding aside, I just want Monica and Adrian to separate 'cause ending up together would be cliche. Hihi.

xx

Wanted: Savior

To say that the past week has been depressing is an understatement. Lately, I found myself drowning in paranoia. Thoughts of being left alone would haunt me every time thus, making me coward. I am socially anxious and this is becoming too unbearable. I am sad. I am sad. I. AM. SAD. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I am too fcked up and I don't know what I need. Help.

Hashtag Fan Girl Feels

SUCKS THAT YOU'LL BE COMING AND I'M BROKE AS EVER LIKE ASOPJEWOJEOEHFIHRORFHORHFEOIHFF HOW CAN I SEE YOU NOW?! OH AND ADD THE FACT THAT THE LOWEST PRICED TICKETS COST A THOUSAND BUCKS PLUS-- GREAT. IT'S SUCCUMBING TIME ONCE AGAIN. F MYSELF FOR OVERSPENDING PLEASE :(((((((
TAYLOR, I DON'T WANNA MISS YOU THIS WAY :((((

A Boring Title for a Boring Post

Drafts and yet to be posted outdated posts-- my blog roll at the moment. Apparently, I've been inactive during the past few days due to school and I am really really sorry. LOL! Like, sorry for what? No one actually read my blog anyway. On the other hand, I'm a bit stressed out and of course, where do I resort to? BLOGGING!

Lately I've been addicted to cosmetics. I have learned the art of looking less haggard! My makeup pouch is now one happy place because I bought her new stuff. Yay!

Better get going. Unto the last day of exam and I couldn't get more excited for finals!!! But then again, no summer for me because of our OJT. Arck.

Nineteenth

My only birthday wish would have to be spontaneity. I want something different, something exhilarating, something that will take my breath away.

I want a yellow Fujifilm Instax. I need something to record my 365. I want to make a heart collage on my wall. I want to fill a scrapbook and be artsy fartsy. I want keepsakes.

I want to travel. I wanna go down south or somewhere I'm not familiar with. I would love to go to EK for an adventure, as well as Nuvali to relax. I want to go to Tagaytay. I want something lax, I want something pretty and effortless. I wanna go out.

I want something unusual, I don't want something that's based on my daily routine, I want something new.

Merry Christmas!

Is it wrong to feel sad on Christmas day? To be envious of everyone who get to have this Christmas eve feast with their families? To feel like you're all alone even if you're not?

Of Phobias and Death

Nothing scares me like public speaking does. Just the thought of it makes me fidget! The nervous wreck in me wants to whack myself and slit my throat just so I could avoid the instance for the rest of my life. I was that scared with it, okay! I can't do anything about it. Whew. "Face your fears" they said, but what if you faced it a million times already and failed twice as much as the number you tried to conquer your fear?

Freshman year, highschool. My English teacher chose me in a heartbeat for she thought I could write well. Well, I could write well (or so I think, considering the number of times that I overused the word "well") but I can't deliver my words into its proper vocal output. To cut the long story short, I was asked to join an extemporaneous contest for the first time and then of course, lose to my experienced opponents. The same thing happened during my second year in college aaaaaannnndddd I'd rather not talk about it. The embarrassment is too much and talking about it makes me cringe. Sigh. Did I mention that I'm currently enrolled in a public speaking class? It may be too unlikely for me but I can't do anything about it because the curriculum lord has spoken. Acccckkk. I probably died my thousandth death today since this has been bothering me since yesterday. Rest in peace, my glossophobic self.

I don't even know why I'm doing this, I should be writing a self-introduction speech for Friday. *facepalm*

Here's to Our Friendship Gone Endship

Remember when we weren't outbitching each other through Facebook statuses? When we were just happy, not thinking about any competition? Oh, how about that time when neither of us would backstab each other? Uh huh, but do you remember when we're still friends?

Somewhere along the way, something went wrong. The back of my mind is telling me that you were to blame but then again, we have our faults too. It was both our fault. We drifted and no one is to blame. It was our decision, and it was your decision to be someone we never thought you were. It's pretty crazy really, how we went from almost sisters to annoying blisters. Tsk. Gosh, y'all have no idea how I want to slit your throat. Haha, kidding but half-meant.

I've been missing you all, though. All those crazy chikahan moments, our not-so-out-of-town trips, our bonding moments, everything! Nostalgia kicks in everytime I think of it. While I'm pretty sure that we won't go back to what we were anytime now, let's just use this pace to move on and seek inner peace and maybe, in time, get back to being the closest of friends. The friendship was awesome and I sure want to have it back.

Social Media Sucks

I hate that kind of relationship wherein one is holding on and fighting for it while the other half is not exerting any effort to keep it going. I don't know what makes me hate it though... is it because the other one's too stupid to realize that that is pointless or is it because the other one's too dumb to realize that s/he has a loyal mate up there? Either way, I never had the chance to experience that 'cause I've never been into any relationship (except this) so I have no right to drop any advice. Heh. Who knows? I might or might not experience that but hopefully I won't 'cause no one likes to be in such kind of situation. BUT LADIES, know when to give up. Some guy made me feel unworthy before and giving up my feelings for him was the best decision I made in my entire eighteen years of existence. It was really difficult at first for I thought he was the best guy I could ever have but heck, Prince Charming came and proved me wrong. Now I am at my happiest state and I am more than sure that this will go on forever. Heeee, cheeseballs.

Anyway, don't mind me. I just wrote this because some of my friends had gone emo on their tweets and FB statuses and yes, the chismosa in me was bothered.

I, Vomiting Words

Have you ever been so immensely frustrated?

...

Well, I did. Or I do. I can't write and I don't know why is that. It has been the source of my (super slight) depression lately for I can't seem to weave words the way I used to-- like I finally rusted or something, and that I consider a nightmare. What's worse is that it's been going on for months and I can't find a remedy to my predicament. I don't know, it looks to me like this: I. Am. Doomed.

Or not. Whatever. The past semester in school required a lot of researching, analyzing, and of course, writing. Most of the time, I'd get grades not higher than 90... okay, 88, and it undoubtedly made me doubt if I could actually write or not... and I'm starting to think not because all signs point to NO. Argh. Considering that I'm "the writer", the one with the most experience, the one who writes well... where did I lose it? My driving force when it comes to writing? I haven't even typed an awesome sentence in this one hell of a post about how-I-can't-write-anymore! This is driving me insane, sad, worried, and every little thing that won't suffice to this whole starting-to-suck dilemma. I'm starting to believe that I'm losing it and I'm nowhere near reclaiming it. I... I guess I failed.

I am staying positive though. Note to self: One day, you will write better than you did, better than anybody else did. One day. Now all I need is something to keep me going and eventually, to lead me back on track. I just hope I find it soon or I might consider slitting my throat if this goes on. Kidding! Alongside, I am hopeful that this blog will be back in its tiptop shape. Soon. And hopeful!

No Complains

September is on its verge, as well as this school year's first semester! Do I hear a "Huzzaaaah!"?

The past few weeks had been hellish. There was even a time that I went out for 13 straight days to do school-related stuff! And did I mention that it required late dismissals too? It did. We had practices and shootings for our Spanish class, shopping and booth fixing for Phil Lit's exhibit, ballet theater for Humanities, and blah blah blah. I can't even squeeze my mind for extra infos to put in here! Bet I'm too soupy and in dire need of rest.

The bottomline is I am happy. New bonds are made and old ones were strengthened. I got to experience new things and explore new places. I have known my abilities, capacities, and a whole lot of other discoveries about myself. Despite being enervated, I am in no place to complain for these are all for the books and this means I'm alive.

Ralph and I even got to celebrate our first anniversary as MUs. I know! My estimated two weeks of romance punched me in the face. 5ever!!!

And I am keeping this short, ending it here now, really. Just one more week and it's sembreak, yeayyy! And I'm off to review and do projects.

But wait! Photodump in 3... 2... 1...

Photo courtesy: Michelle dela Cruz, Charmaine Cayaban, Dhanica Rose Estoque