Last Friday of 2012

This must be the reason why the world didn't end the Friday before-- 'cause I'll be out on my first real date! Yay! And it's a real date with someone who really loves me and vice versa so yes, I had a really good time! Enough with the talk, commencing photodump in 3, 2, 1...

The first photo we took on that day! Before that, we met somewhere near school and grabbed our breakfasts at McDonald's. Do I hear "Hooray for today"? ♥

A candid shot of the (future) boyf.

We can't decide where to eat! We lurked around a few buildings at MOA before finally deciding to eat at Sizzlin' Pepper Steak. Worth the price, love? Oh yes.

A quick shot at the movie house! We watched Sisterakas 'cause I wanted to. HAHAHA. I swear, I'm glad that he's not bruised from all the slaps and punches he received from me. I transform into a slapping monster everytime I can't contain my laugh! BTW, the movie's not that great, haha.

We had Chatime and we went out to Seaside boulevard 'cause weeks ago, I was teasing him about riding the MoA Eye. Haha! While finishing our drinks, we sat near it and watched the sky turn pitch dark... And wait for the craving to ride go hardcore! Lalalala~

Yes, he took this.

And yes, I took this. Wait,doesn't he look like... uh, nevermind.

Aaaannndddd, at the MoA Eye! Shitty gondola is shitty, it's too blurred. We paid 500 for the special one 'cause the regular ones won't allow two persons only so... yeah.

Our companion! Jk. Teehee.

Not the only photo we have inside it, but HAHAHAHA.

View from near the sea! Yes, it's pretty!

Neither of us is vain and I wonder how we pulled this off. Seriously.

The cat that never gave a fuck

Perfect timing. We were walking on our way to the terminal when these babies came out! Ohhhh, it's great!

It's a full moon!

This may be the last for the year. My apologies if this isn't a year-ender blog which most bloggers do (and I do, for the past few years), but this is my idea of a year-ender-- a post which brought an end to my blog's misery. More happy posts, more soon! If you always visit this piece of shit, you prolly noticed the transition-- from "suicidally" sad letters to cotton candy sweet descriptives... ulk. I think I'm becoming better emotionally. But ugh, what the hell. I still suck at blogging so HAHA!

And as for Ralph who'll be in this dumpsite soon; Thank you, love. You were my 2012 and hopefully, the years to come. I'm not cheesy and I suck at it but I'm trying hard to be sweet and I love how you appreciate that. Thank you! And I love you so much. Mmmmmwwwaaaahhh!

Darn, I have to go. Shitloads of schoolwork are piling up! Yay, no fun vacation!

Who put the "die" in December?

This is blogging in between breaks.

Kidding. I haven't started anything yet and I'm sure I won't be productive until tomorrow since I'll be out on a date with the best-est boyfriend in the whole wide world. Ehhh! I'm so stoked that I praised him so much! Which isn't quite usual, I think. Teehee. Anyway, hellooooooooooooo! D'you missed me? Did ya? *batts eyelashes* I hope you do, 'cause I know I've been neglecting this for so long with my lack of updates and shiz. As if anybody cares, lol.

Sooo, what do we need to accomplish before classes starts next year? Let's see, uhm, news clippings and thesis work for Research class, the oh-so-highschool requirement for ICT class, and my thing of course; a rebond! Well yeah, my hair needs maintenance 'cause it's recalcitrant as hell. I hope I'll finish all of these before the year ends. I don't want to deal with stress on the first few days of my birth month!

Oh, this is just a quick update. Too random I know. And and aaaannnddd, I missed blogging with sense! Joke. I never made sense. But I hope this will do for now. D'oh, I better put "blog better, blog more often" on my resolutions, don't you think? Say yes, say yes!

Dear Friends Who Whine About Being Forever Alone,

Please, stop that shit. I'm getting tired of it. I'm telling you; you're the only one to blame if you end up as a grumpy old lady. Like, hello! All you ever did was turn down those guys who knocked at your door without giving them a chance to show how gentle of a man they are. Sure they don't fit your standards quite perfectly, but his imperfections might just make you extremely happy. Right?

...

...

Lol, why would I even ask you if I'm right when I know you won't agree with me in the first place. Ugh, fuck standards? No, fuck your standards. You're just as imperfect as them, you should be thankful that they liked you 'cause you're you. You're not as good as you thought you are, I bet you don't know that. I just wish you haven't met the one and pushed him out of your life yet.

No Post November

No, I'm not quitting this. I just can't... uggghhh, words fail me. Everytime I try to update or something, I just end up drafting them 'cause I think it sucks. Oh well. Here's an update to make up for everything. This is pure nonsense though, but hey!

First of Many

I never expected it to be like that. It was thrilling-- it had my heartbeat halting and my subconscious yearning. I can't exactly define how it was for me but I felt my heart do somersaults and my stomach flipped. It was crazy. Crazy wonderful, even. Inexplicable... irresistible, that I can't help but ask for more. I thought it won't be paving my way that soon but heck, I don't care. It was fine, everything felt right. It's like having my cravings when I'm badly starving-- just what I need and want.

PHOTODUMP: Badet's 18th Birthday Celebration

Sooo, a close friend held her debut last night at Hotel H2o somewhere in Manila and-- voila! Here's a blogpost dedicated to our vanity. I won't be posting lotsa pictures though, just a few of which I looked decent in. Teehee.

DISCLAIMER: Photos aren't mine, they're Danela Bautista's and Suzanne Ubaldo's. Thank you, Dane and Zhayne!

At Charry's dorm. Ready to go!

With my girl, Rhea.

Candid. This was pre-party, actually. I know, I looked stress, and that's because I was caught in the middle of a misunderstanding with my baby, Janice. We're fine now, though!

With Rhea, Suzanne and Agatha while waiting for the debutant!

5/16 of Full Force! This was during the duration of the program, I guess. With Ralph, Charry, Sam, and Jans.

Two of my bestfriends, my boy, and Pong right there but concealed, had a little something for Badet so yeah, they were at the stage, singing.

With you-know-who, my you-know-what-his-role-in-my-life-is. ♥

After everything else. With 3/5 of Awesome Foursome! And you know what's crazy? We're all wearing lace and we didn't even talked about it.

With my girls! Almost everyone's single-- pick one! Lol.

With Badet, the birthday girl! And Full Force. And some people from my school and I don't really know them.

With Charry, Kisses, and Sam! This was at the dance showdown I guess. HAHA. Guess who won.

At Liquid! The after-party we all went to. Guess who had Vanilla Milkshake and was reading 50 Shades instead. Thanks a lot, dad and your extended security, my future boyf.

Closing this blog with a photo of yours truly. Hihi. They wanted it to be colorful so I wore striking orange and blue. Teehee.

I had fun and I know everybody does as well. Thank you, Badet! We owe you one. Be one of the fiercest girls out there 'cause I know you're an amazona. Love you!

Part-time?

Supposedly, I'll be posting something about how our first month went but then my feels got screwed up and I needed to vent, so...



I really don't know what to say. I felt backstabbed. And I felt like shit, if I may add. I'm not even sure if I'm just overthinking or what, but my subconscious has been telling me that I'm right-- that all these fuckery's about how I was ditched, how I was disposed by my own friends. I know them. They're mean as hell. Yes, I'm mean as well, but do they have to do that to me? I mean, we're friends, how come?

Oh god, I hate second guessing.

The Unthinkable, Unexplainable

So, this is love.

When he just sits beside you and your heart starts thumping though neither of you is utt'ring a word, when he slips his hand into yours and you feel smitten-ly uncomfy yet you're lovin' every second in that moment, when he caresses you and you feel his warmth; from his seemingly protective arms to the warmth of his soul, when he sneaks you out to your favorite place to seize the moment you're in, when backreading your convos makes your heart feel jumpy and giddy, when he talks to you via chat or text and you still feel that fleeting feeling you get when you converse personally, when he's happy that you're happy, when he made you cry because you learnt that he's  asked to meet some girl and he chose not to 'cause he'd rather stick with you, when he effortlessly makes you happy, and last, when he tells you he loves you and you know you just got to say you love him too 'cause without a doubt, he's the closest thing to what you "want" and "need" and you could not ask for more.

If that is it, I 'd love to fall inlove forever.

Something Special

Weeks had passed since the last time I felt genuinely happy... I wonder what's up with today and that feeling came knocking on my door once again. What?

Nothing seems to be special until we got out of our English class. Speaking of English class, I qualified for the spelling contest! And my cutesy gay teacher told me; "I feel like you're gonna win! You're warm..." and blah blah blah, they're music to my ears! Gaaahhh, I just hope he's right. Crossing my fingers!

We were super slightly obliged to watch the ASEAN debate earlier. And what better way to cut the boring program off by having my "boyfriend" to whisk me away and go tripping with him within the vicinity of Intramuros! Hihi. But that's not my point! The reason why I blogged is because of my emotional investment feels-- my place in Intramuros.

Sadly, I wasn't able to take a share-worthy photo of it. But if I have to picture it then, I'd describe it as a really nice place where you're forced to forget about everything. EVERYTHING. Seriously, you guys! It felt like time warp. Even Narnia! It's like an entirely different world and it's just beyond amazing. Truth be told, but I never appreciated such kind of things. Until now, of course. It's just... asdfghjkl, too wonderful for words. And having to share the moment with a really nice (and sincere) friend added up to its majesty. Ahhhh, now I know where I'll go if ever I'll think about suicide and stuff. Joke, no way!

Ahhh, I don't know... Today was just incredibly great and I feel like blogging it. *obligatory heart*

Fourth September Feels

A couple days ago, I was browsing the world wide web for articles - slash - blog entries - slash - whatevers about this so-called "Emotional Investment". Neh, I was just curious. I kept on saying these two words during the past few weeks and eeeeekkk! I use it everytime they ask me about how I feel for this, uhm, person I've been blogging about lately. Teehee. Like, "I don't like him, but I've got emotional investments though". Yeahhh something like that, but ew, let's veer away from that topic. Please.

Unfortunately, I never found the perfect post. *sigh* But look, I found something from "The Musings of MrJeremyT"! He mentioned;

Funny thing about serious emotional investments though, besides the fact that they are more often than not one-sided, is the affect they can have on your mood. The smallest thing can make you the happiest person, or the saddest.

True, true. I could attest to that! And speaking of attesting and shit, it's actually the reason why I updated this all of a sudden. Just... ah. I wanted to vent about "some things"! The problem is, it's all in my head and worse, I can't put them into words! It's making me go bananas.

...Let's just say that today wasn't as good as yesterday. Today's just as crappy as yesterday was infinite. And I don't even know why I incorporated the word "infinite", I guess it's because I just finished reading Stephen Chbosky's Perks and it has some kind of an effect to me. Like how the littlest things he does affects me and they can either make me sad or happy. And today's not about the latter, which is just so not f***ing nice, I think. Just ahhh. I can't explain why this is happening and I'm not in the mood to grammar check so bye.

Ultimate

You just gotta love that sweet, sincere someone who swore that he'll always be there for you. You gotta love him 'cause he's always there to carry your bag, comb your hair, treat you when you're broke, and check if you're okay. He's happy when you're happy, sad when you're sad, and he feels what you feel. He's worried when there's something wrong and he won't leave until you're feeling better. He'll always laugh at your jokes and he's game with whatever you're on. Nonetheless, he'll tell if you're going overboard. He'd never want to put you in trouble 'cause he cares for you beyond much.

When he does, he'll tell you that he misses you. He's fine with being your pseudo-boyfriend, not to mention that while he's at it, he'll even make it feel true. He'll greet you on your "anniversary", hold your hand, hug you, and tell you all sorts of mushy things. And when you're mad at him, don't expect him to say sorry. That's because he won't just say it, he'll show it. With effort! Oh and, he'll make you feel comfortable-- awkward silences are non-existent, even after hearing him say that he loves you, yes.

You just gotta love that sweet, sincere someone whom you may not be romantically attached with, still loves you no matter what.

P.S. This isn't about love, this is about some guy who loves me and I love him back. And we're not even inlove with each other. Haha.

P.P.S. The title's Ultimate because of Lindsay Lohan's movie OST. There's this line that goes "You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken, like remember when you took my heart and put it back together again." Hehez.

P.P.P.S. Yes, we're just friends. With possibilities? Don't know.

Regrets

"Hey!"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing."
"What?"
"I love you, good night!"
"Hah! Go to sleep already!"
"You too!"
"In a bit. Night, bui!"
"Sweet dreams!"



She can't help but back read--
Convos from three months and a week.
With her eyes shedding tears,
And a wish that someone would wipe her cheeks.

"Things changed,"
She told herself
"Since when?"
She'd kill for the answer.

"If I held his hand too,
Or hug him back,
Or let him fall asleep in my shoulders,
Would things be the way they were?"

"If I hadn't told him about how my dream guy should be like,
Or my oh-so-perfect crush,
Or even about how unthinkable our relationship could be,
Would I still be this regretful?"

She filled her head with endless questions--
Questions she's been dying to ask him.
And what does she hope for?
Answers that might save her from this sea of sadness.

Wanted: Assurance

Somebody made a promise...

... As usual, that promise came from someone whose existence I treasure a lot, and I'm just waiting for him to break it so I could hate him forever.

Neeehhh, I kid. But there's a voice inside me screaming "He's just a cliffhanger, everything he said was a lie, you'll be left heartbroken eventually."

Well, I sure hope that I'm just overthinking. It kills, I know, but I can't help it! But if we'll look on the brighter note, at least these hopes weren't raised so I won't get disappointed and cry. Yeah.

D'aw, I can't explain why I'm feeling this way. It seems so wrong... so inappropriate! He's inappropriate alright, but this thing that's happening... it's more inappropriate than that. And ugh, I raped the word "inappropriate", I think could go on without using that word for the rest of this post. Heeee.

We've reached the part where I'd end this post without knowing how to. Anyway, whatever. Let's just hope that my little heart won't get shattered soon 'cause I won't be able to take another heartbreak just yet.

15 Addictions

Know that I put the stupidest of stupid things on my blog that's why I'd never regret listing my current 15 addictions. Heeee.

This is a trending topic on Twitter, but I'd rather put it in blog form so it won't ruin my timeline. And yours too!

1. Cosmetics - Lipsticks, most especially! I can't even explain how I started liking those kind of things actually. Mehhh, it's prolly 'cause I need to cover my shiz.
2. Nautical Things - I blame *insert ex's name here* for this. If he didn't go to marine school, then I guess I won't find these things sartorial.
3. Bows - They're cute... and they `girl` me up! I love how they can be either dainty or huge, and still be adorable.
4. America's Next Top Model - Probably the only TV series that I could finish watching a season. Ha!
5. One Direction - Ahhhhh!!! Proud fangirl here! Blame Janice! If she never asked me to 'pirate' 1D's album, then I won't be a convert. Ohhhh, summer and the randomness of my playlist... ♥
6. Blogging - Not getting enough since 2005.
7. Being rewarded with high grades - Seriously, you guys! I never felt how good it was until I reached this age. I'm such a loser, I know!
8. Animal - Prints - Zebra, giraffe, leopard, snake, tiger, and everything in between 'cause they're fierce and fashionable!
9. YMCMB - I guess I don't have to explain. The thug life's mah thaaannnggg.
10. Books - And too bad I've got no money to buy one now. Huuu, I'm being left behind!
11. Milktea - This is actually my first time to join the bandwagon! You can't blame me though, these kind of teas are too sinful to not be sought-after!
12. Cheesecakes - Blueberry's my favorite. Mmmm... something to crave for!
13. NBA - My boyish self is rearing its head! And if you'll ask which team I'm rooting for, I've been with the Lakers since God-knows-they-weren't-this-awesome. Yeah.
14. Fashion - Dressing up has been my thing since I was young. You know that!
15. Love - I need not to expound why. It's just addicting.

Writing Sleepy

I swear, if provoked to the fullest, I might consider the unthinkable. But kidding aside, I think I already do... Or not. Whatever! Just the thought of it makes me want to slash my wrist or shoot myself in the head. Aaaccckkkk. This can't be happening!

I blame my friends for this insanity. I know I got rid of this feeling, but it's starting to rear its misleading face again! Lol, what for? It was never serious anyway. It's all fun and games, feelings are excluded-- or rather, I'm trying to exclude my feelings. I'm weak, I can't do this all by myself. I'm afraid I might fall without knowing it. You know how much I can't afford to have another heartbreak this time... and there you go, I started stroking on my sentences 'cause I know I'll hate myself in the future if I found out that I typed those. Not to mention, it's all I that could think about lately. Ewww, social suicide. I'm hating myself now. I'm not assuming though.

Now how about my dear "yonder-er"? Two weeks had passed since I met him, to where we ran low on sparks I guess. I didn't felt a thing or two and it's a bit questionable. Nehhh, but at least I knew that it's not the real deal. Don't get me wrong though, everything that I wrote back in summer came from the heart. He's the guy, he's perfect. He's all that I wanted. If I'm going to like anyone, it would be him. Oh and, he's the reason why I didn't get any grade lower than 80 during the prelims. He was my inspiration! (Heart, hearts all over)

Let's get this over with. I can't fall and that's final. Why? Because I have to fall for *, not **.

...Yeah, but you can't make your heart feel something it won't. Am I right?

From an Enervated College Student

I knew I was right. There will come a time that I'll start abhorring every inch of school and school works because of the haphazard every subject has in store for us. And oh, sleep! It has been running away from my hands since the day we went back to this cleverly disguised hell which is school... I just miss it so much. You should have seen me, I'm slowly turning into a zombie. That was a joke though, but really I looked so tired and I'm always half-awake that everybody starts noticing it.

Thank God for this rest day. I only have an exam left and that is Spanish, which means I have the entire day to study! Speaking of exams, I hope all my results were as good as that in English... and that's because I got the highest score among everyone in class. Ha! I deserve a self five, I know!

I was about to blog last Saturday's happenings but I'm quite busy so... yeah. Hihi. I guess we have to wait until the end of the month for that tabulation!

And I'm leaving you all with a photo of yours truly, using my friend's red lipstick which I adore! xx

It's Not Everyday that I Get to See You, Right?

Wait, woah. Lemme get that straight. It's for my highschool friends, not for someone. Errr... but it can be, don't you think?

Nah, just kidding.

One more week to go before the longest night of my life! And when I said long, I mean loooonnnngggg. Two parties in one night, opposing themes, venues located in two different cities, highschool and college friends -- sick! I have options, sure, but I've decided to take on both. And why not?

Eenie meanie miney mo... LOL, I kid! But anyway, here are proofs that I'll be the most sought-after friend on 14th July! Heee. But seriously though, it just goes to show that I've been a nice friend. Ha! Joke. Lord, will you take it to the next level and turn me into a girlfriend? Thank You! But You know I'm kidding. And hoping. Mehehehe.

This is a lousy update. Sarreh. But I'm jittery, yes!

Word Vomit (Not)

I wanted to talk to you,

give you a nice birthday greeting too--

but I'm scared it might creep you,

so I didn't bother to.

...

And that's a portion of the "faux-m" I did on a no-assignment rest day. Teeheeheehee.

Hey, you guys. It's June 27 and qwertyuiop asdfghjkl zxcvbnm. Waaah. I'm running out of words to say! This feeling comes only when I write about you-know-who. It's his ---, if I'm not mistaken. Heee. You know that I always get blank whenever I talk about "this guy" on my posts. For some reasons, he's making me speechless! Like for example; this post. I thought I'll reach the 10-paragraph mark! But as expected, I didn't.

Anyway, it's that time of the year! And sadly, I can't post anything but subtle tweets about it. Wankers. Thank God I have this blog! I have another way to spill. Unfortunately though, I'm not prepared and I don't know what to say. So... yeah. Happy Birthday! I wish I could greet you. And hug (slash PBB Teens) you. Lol, just kidding. But I'm hoping you had a nice one though! Hang on, we'll meet soon! And drift apart forever I guess. But whatever happens, I swear I'll forever be enchanted. Happy Birthdaaaayyyy!!!

In Between

I'm trying to refurbish this self.

... But it doesn't mean that I'd get rid of the curly hair, glasses, crooked smile, and my Elmo dasters-- I'm talking about school and studying harder.

I would agree that I was too queasy last sem. Whatever happened to my old self? I started doing the unthinkable! Skipping class, drinking, and no I haven't puffed yet. I might, if I didn't stop doing all these baloney. Geez. I know it's bad, but how I come I did it anyway? Ugh.

This year, I would to study harder. (And refrain from bad things, lol) I will and I can! And I must start doing it now by sleeping early 'cause I still have classes tomorrow! Mehehe. All for my family, friends, "yes", and self! Leggo!

P.S.: Apologies for this sucky updae. I just squeezed this in while I'm doing shitloads of things for school! Yeah, right.

P.P.S.: Sorry, how I look sucks as much as this post does.

This is Pleasure Blogging

And this is not.

For English class this sem, our professor asked us to make a blog as part of our shitloads of requirements for his class. Yay or nay? I say; Huzzaaaahhhh!

I bet you know what happened next. I was teeming with excitement that right after I got home, I immediately turned Coco (my laptop, lol) on to start working on the awesome-st requirement ever! Ohhhh, the chills of doing an obligatory blog... I can't seem to find all the perfect sentences to put on it so I could achieve a grade of flat 1! I ended up with "An Obligatory Blog of a Diplomat Wannabe" as my title and "jowideep" as the domain. Yes, the link above would redirect you to my blog. Click click click! And comment 'cause it'll give me a bonus. Thanks! Shameless plug.

I won't put this to an end for nothing. I blogged for a reason, not just because. And that's because... errr...

Some of my classmates gave me a reason to evacuate Blogspot. Lol, seriously. The jejeness, the emoticons overload, the annoying Friendster-ish template they put... My eyes are burning! I know I'm not even "that great", but humbly (and honestly) speaking... I don't think it's fit for a blog. I'm really really sorry, but I find it to be a bit too mediocre for a blog - slash - requirement. Ughh, I can't help it! I guess I have to blame my highschool friends' super awesome pieces of writings & blogs on my high expectations for these kind of things. Dayuuummm. I'm nothing compared to them! Though, I have to thank everyone who thinks my blog is, well, awesome. *virtual hugs*

Sorry for this bad piece of shit. I've been blogging a lot lately, and I feel so abused! I used the last batch of my creative juices on this so yeah.... it sucks. Anyhoo, I think I'll be toning this a bit 'cause school's taking up my time, and I need sleep! That means... I'm a goner. Bye!

The Aftermath of a Disturbed Sleep

It's four, and I can't tuck myself into slumber.

Thoughts are going through my head-- school, budgeting, why I don't put sugar on my milk, how I love One Direction already, when I would buy another pair of contacts, and lots of other whatnots I know I shouldn't be thinking about 'cause I should be sleeping instead. And this is a very ungodly hour, if I can say. Looks like the ghosts wont let me sleep yet, huh? Creepy...

I tend to get jittery during the first few weeks of school. I don't know if it's because of school works or my yet-to-be known professors, but it makes me want to throw up! I have to bring a plastic bag with me every morning 'cause apparently, lotsa butterflies were hanging out in my stomach. Just, asdfghjkl. Wish me luck this school year. Oh and, pray that I won't skip classes too much! It's so dragging, even my grades were being dragged down to the depth. Lol, but seriously, I mean it. So don't do it. Classes starts on Thursday, yay!

Bills to pay, parties to rock, clothes to buy-- I haven't started saving yet but I could already say that I'm broke! And on my new-school-year resolution, I vow not too splurge too much. Yes, food is counted 'cause I'll never get why don't I gain weight even if I eat a lot. That's beyond unfair and frustrating! Eating is pointless so yeah, might as well ditch. Joke, I can't! I'm on unlimited-rice-junkie, yo! But I'm keeping wallet's guard up. Ready!

I hate milk with sugar. Or sweetened milk. Or whatever as long as it has a combination of milk and sugar. It's inexplicable how I love sweets, but not sweet milk. Aside from the fact that I think it's utterly disgusting, I think they just don't go together. But I love how gramma prepares milk for us every morning. I just feel the contrary everytime they forgot to tell me which cup is mine. Sugar slithering down my throat, ew! I can hear the protests of my internal organs. Aaaaccckkk.

For everybody's information, One Direction's "Up All Night" album was playing while I was drafting this post. I love One Direction! I'm morphing into a second level fan, I guess. I started watching videos on YouTube, reblogging & liking related posts on Tumblr, and tweeting them too! It's actually unusual for a non fangirl like me, but bear with me while I deal with my die-hard Directioner self. Hazza! Now excuse me while I continue list'ning to the entire album. Eh mah gawd.

Since I started wearing contacts, everything felt better. Kidding aside! If glasses can give you HD images, contact lenses gives you holograms! You don't have to wipe it a lot and there's no need to worry about crushing it, pop them perfectly and you're good to go! Make me choose between glasses and contacts, but I really have to say both. Glasses don't need to be boring or geeky or nerdy, frames in unusual cuts are there to make you look flashy! However, some outfits look better when you aren't wearing any obvious eye accessories so yeah, contacts would be perfect. Ah what the heck. I'll get rich and have a lasik eye surgery. Yay for perfect vision!

Geez, I've been drafting this for almost an hour now and still, signs of sleepiness are nowhere in sight. Must start counting sheep! Sugar dreams, I hope you'll all have an awesome sleep!

Looks Like I'm Finally Awake

This must be God's way of telling me that moving on is the best thing I ever did.

For imbecile reasons, I woke up disappointed today. My dreams, my oh-so vivid dreams... For a moment there, I thought it was real. I could still remember every bit of him in that moment --gray shirt, gray shorts, his bright orange backpack which he carries along wherever he goes, his face, his sincerity, the way he apologized, and how he put his arms around me-- my weakness then, actually. And it's all in one dream.

I wonder, would you call it a dream when everything felt so real? When you know it was there, just merely existing the whole time? Sigh. If you were in my place, I know you'd feel the same. In that surreal moment, it felt like time warped me in some place where I'm obliged to feel every emotion I know I've gotten rid of. Oh and, did I mention that it made me feel bad? It did, and I have to feel that way the whole day. It sucks, FYI. It made me feel the pain all over again.

I'm not disappointed because we'll never work out, I'm disappointed 'cause everything I dreamed of that night won't happen in reality. It's not that I want him to get mushy with me or whatever, all I ever wanted was for him to say sorry. The problem is, he's too busy to notice that he was the reason behind all the pain I felt during the past few months. I usually ask myself if he haven't noticed, but I think I know the answer all along. And it's a big fat no for that matter 'cause I figured that he'd rather be with other girls than care for my feelings. Oh well. Looks like some things are better off the way I won't want them to be. Who knows? If he happened to be my *ehem* boyfriend *ehem*, he might have done something worse, right?

Today marks the 41st month of liking him-- if I never stopped, that is. Truth be told, but I don't really miss him. If not for this dream - slash - nightmare last night then I'd totally forgot that he exists. Boom, auto reminisce mode was activated. The one I had on February 24 was a good cry. It didn't just made me feel better, it also ignited that I should really move on 'cause he'll never like me whatever I do. I've accepted the fact and I feel better now.

Blaaaahhhh, here goes another nonsensical post about how pitiful my lovelife is.

Keep Your Cool, Schoolers Gonna School

It's June! You know what it means...

School month. Yeah, we'll all be back to school in a few! It's also an indication that once again, we'll be... A.) Waking up early. B.) Have wallets plumper than us, C.) Welcoming stress with open arms, D.) Have shitloads of things to do that will make us wish for a reunion with summer, and E.) Experiencing lots and lots multiple choices whatsoever... like this one. Mehehe.

Admit it. Every summer, a part-- no, a huge portion of you misses school and once you're back and the real is on the rise, you started feeling the contrary. Am I right? I know you couldn't agree more.

So... classes are going to start in less than two weeks, and I can't conceal my excitement! But honestly, I guess I won't feel that way if not for my friends and my allowance. Of course! I'm just like any other student-- school bores me but it excites me at the same time. Did I mention that I curse sleepless nights? That I also cringe over requirements? Oh, and I do procrastinate. It's quite surprising that amidst my busy schedule, I still find time to blog. I hope you haven't noticed, but I blog a bit like, regularly. One post per week (for me) is regular, so deal with it! Anyway, I have yet to mention that writing keeps me sane and it's the kind of breather that I wanted so instead of doing crazy things like getting wasted or something, I'd rather sit infront of my computer and talk about how my life went. After which, I'm all set to study 'cause I've finally got to vent all the heaviest sighs out. Ha. I sound tame, I know.

Hopefully, next sem will be just as great as the previous ones. Especially now that we have Sunday classes... Do I hear an Amen for restlessness? Amen! College, I'm ready. Bring it on!

Nautical Nonsense

I've always been in love with fashion. And one of the best things that ever happened in the history of fashion (well, for me) is this--

Teaser pics, lol. Striped top - 168 Mall, Sailor shorts - 168 Mall, Chunky Flipflops - Havaianas, Anchor ring - 168 Mall. They're cheap as hell, but they're precious gems you can't find on high-end malls.

Nautical. Sailor, marine, boat wear, whatever way you call it, it's always gon' be on top of my fave fashion list. I don't know where it all started, but it bloomed when... K, honesty hour. It bloomed when I learned that "le wild ex" will be going marine for college. Lol, seriously. But I really don't know, I just found these anchors, stripes, espadrilles, reds & blues, to be interesting! I mean, hello, who won't love them anyway? They're such awesome pieces to be ignored!

I do Polyvore and when I did some archiving, I figured that about 1/3 of my sets are nautical - inspired! Here, a collection inspired by my favorite theme.

Keep Calm and Dress Like a Sailor by jowidoll on polyvore.com

Oh you know, I'm not diverting this into a fashion blog or anything. I just wanted to show you the best of what he has left me. Trololol. No, but I love everything nautical and I will still be loving it even if the douchemeister has nothing to do with it anymore. Heh. xx

Who Said "Single Is Sexy"?

I can't wait to be loved.

Good morning messages, late night conversations, holding hands, cuddling, crazy photo opportunities, serenades, dance partner, Valentine's date, Mondate, Tuesdate, Wednesdate, Every date of the week, exchange gifts, anniversaries, bringing you home just to make sure you're safe, meet-the-parents moments, unexpected visits when you're sick, food delivery from your beloved delivery boy, kisses on the hand, cheeks, and "there"... God knows how I want you all so bad.

I've been single all my life-- I don't know how it feels like to be missed by that person you love, or how electrifying a kiss is. I know, I'm turning 18 soon and I'm still loveless. Just... aw. Am I not pretty enough or I just don't deserve to be loved? It's getting kind of frustrating you know. It doesn't mean that I'm rushing things though, I just want to feel that certain "spark" they've been telling me about.

I'm still okay with being single however, there are times that I feel incredibly lonely and I badly need a companion. My friends have their own lives and they're usually busy with school, I'm pretty sure that this is less important than their studies so... I just keep these things to myself. Oh, and I blog. At least. Heh, but it's still not the same if you have someone who will listen to your endless (and sometimes, senseless) rants and he'll do everything to turn your frown upside down. Wooh.

Currently, I'm still waiting for that someone and... he'll get to read this soon and tell me that "You found him! And he loves you so much. *kisses my forehead*" Argh, cheeseballs.

Not-Cool-Enough-For-Your-Party Post

Now, I could say that my Sunday is less unproductive. Check!

Back in Senior year, we were asked --no, obliged to buy v-neck shirts and have it designed for our yearbook pictorial. So yeah, there is mine, looking shitty and wasted. I grew tired of how it looks like so I trimmed its sleeves, widened its neckline, and added fringe at the bottom showing a bit of my tummy. I'm planning to add some designs so my identity won't be revealed. Hihihi. You know, the admiers and haters might hunt me down. Haha, kidding. Yay for creativity! I have no plans of wearing it outside though. Maybe if it improved, but as for now... NO. I swear, I'd look like a walking rug.

My younger cousin asked me to paint her nails, but they're too minute! So I added a bit of nail art on mine instead. Yeah, you can stop rubbing it in, I know that I'm such a great older sibling - slash - half - sister - quote - unquote. Heh. I put the designs alternately, just because! And I blurred the right thumb photo above, I put "crush"'s name there just in case you want to know why. Hah! I must be crazed enough to do that, geez.

For days, I've been teaching myself how to fishtail braid. After 9238384848348 years, voila! Ladies and gents, here's my take on the infamous braid! It's still a bit messy but... that'll do. It's easier than I thought! (Wait, woah, I tweeted that it's a lot tougher than I thought. Mehehe.) Anyway, I love it. I can't wait to try it on... if my rebond goes wrong, that's when. Ha! Take that hipsters!

I just feel like updating. You know, so you guys won't leave me. Thank you! And there's a giveaway in this post actually; that photo of my cousin trying to imitate my crush-quote-unquote. Chinky-eyed nigga, she said! Hah! I love you all.

P.S.: Random title slightly taken from all the cool kids' tweets. Hihi.

Perfection

I've been stumbling upon a lot of date-a-girl-who posts since God knows when, and it was only until now that I finally got to unearth something that is waaaayyy too appropriate for my life. Emphasis on way, 'cause it's really that relevant to my life. Boys and girls, may I present to you, Jayvee Fernandez's "Date A Girl Who Blogs".

Date a girl who blogs. Date a girl who finds solace in sharing her most private letters to the noises of the world. She has a rhythm to the writing, as the sounds — the tap-tap-tapping — are touched with every bit of emotion she can muster. She’s writing, ignoring the 9% battery warning as she tries to add a little more perspective to your world.

Date a girl who blogs. Find her that new restaurant and wait for her, patiently, as she skims through the menu, to cherish the Serifs and italics of the posh, and the Arials and doodles of the diner. Watch her order, and question the waiter, and then the head chef to hear a story you’ve never cared to hear before. You will learn. Watch her envelop her tongue at the morsel awaiting judgement, then chew, her face barely betraying a smile as she takes down notes on a torn paper napkin. She forgot her notebook. Buy her one. And seal it with the URL of your new blog.

Today she’s doing more than just writing. She’s moving the widgets, repositioning the ads and maybe doing a bit of SEO. Help her. Buy her a new domain — buy it for 3 years with a promo code — and then maybe configure a forwarding email address, because you know deep down that self-hosted email servers are a thing of the past.

Share her posts on Facebook. Like them. Create a hashtag for your affection to her and let her come to this knowledge through the Internet, but follow through in real life. Your story deserves to be written down.

Suggest her for #FollowFriday.

Go out on dates. Let her heart open up to you and digest these memories into a single post which will be remembered in the archives of our search engines. Kiss. Change your relationship status. Kiss some more. Add her friends. You now have more mutual friends. Tag your photos together. Add her on Farmville. Harvest her farm. Poke her.

You are no longer forever alone.

Marry a girl who blogs. Propose to her by making a website with animated gifs and MIDI background music; she will show you the secret journal she’s been writing for years for you, and you alone. You will find that it comes with no ads, no links, no page rank. Only her trust rank.You will be overjoyed to read the fondness she has had of you, and realize that this, and this alone is the memory she chose to keep from her readers.

Have kids with a girl who blogs. Let her post photos and status updates about your children. Share them with your friends. You will see that she has saved everything onto a USB drive and printed the most fond ones for a real family album because the grandparents are not on the Internet.

Date a girl who blogs because she will find interestingness in the most uninteresting of things. You deserve to be interesting and that this life you live, though monotonous in its day to day is the perfect testament to why she loves you.

"Awww" was my initial reaction when I finished reading this for the first time. It was just too perfect, I can't halt myself from feeling this... this inexplicable feeling I get which comes only when I'm awestruck or... inlove. God, please, I've been letting out all the heaviest sighs since You know when. I might ran out of oxygen due to the excessive perfection of this article. Whew. It must be because I could somehow relate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm a good blogger though. Heh.

A blogger --she's irresistible, witty, and funny. She can transform your world from dull to technicolor just by invigorating her clinquant way with words. She can be chimerical when happy and almost suicidal when sad, but one thing's for sure --she's sincere. Listen to her when she tells you she loves you, it comes from the heart; it comes from where she gets all the strength and inspiration for all of her posts. But most of all, date a girl who blogs 'cause you'll regret nothing.

Hopeless But Hoping

Sometimes, people who are thousand of miles away can make you feel better than the people right beside you.

Fuck "this too shall pass, it's just taking a while". This is taking too long and I've been struggling not to crumble. Though, I still thank God for making me this invulnerable. If not because of Him then I would've done something to harm myself or worse, I'd prolly be dead by now. Seriously.

The guy on my other post, he's just another reason why I'm still breathing. Thoughts of him are keeping me alive along with the faith that I'll meet him. I don't know, but he's keeping me afloat while influx of negatives are paving its way into my life. Maybe, just maybe, he's going to be the one who'll save me some day. Oh, I can't wait to get myself out of this quicksand.

You know, I just need to get away from everything. The problem is, I just don't know how.

Just Me Trying To Be Happy

I-wanna-die-like-right-now nights... they're the worst. Trust me, I feel so shitty right now. I know, 3 out of 5 entries I post every month are... uhm, emotional-slash-almost-suicidal posts, but I can't halt myself from posting such things! I am utterly miserable, I guess.

Because of that, I vow not to post things about that anymore. Well, not actually a total ban of such kind of posts, but I'll try to lessen them. After all, this is supposed to be a happy place, right? I don't want to backread my entries and slap myself for being that sad. Ha! So let's bid those bad vibes goodbye 'cause from now on, I'll try to be happier. Cheerio!

I Took A Chance With My Heart & I Feel It Taking Over

How can you possibly miss someone you barely even know, given the fact that you haven't even met him yet and you're pretty sure that he's unaware of your existence?

All along, I never thought that such feeling exists... but that was until I invested my feelings on someone I refer to as "this stranger who's everything I ever wanted".

He's witty, I can tell by the way he tweets. Oh and, did I mention that he's comical? His posts and comments are cracking me up! And for me he's cool. Another thing that's incredibly cool is the fact that he can dance!!! *Ehem* Best Love Song Surprise *Ehem*, that's why. Hihi, I kid! But his get-ups are no joke. They're lookbook-worthy! Totally impressing. As impressing as his height! T'will do, you all know that I'm a tiny little thing. Mehehehe. Joke. And and and aaaand he 9gags! Common denominator, check! But out of everything I said, the one that I'm so fond of is my impression of him. He seems classy alright, and it's so manly I can't even! Help! I can't breathe! *catches breath* Lol. I just don't know if he plays basketball, but that would be a plus. Hihi. But still, it doesn't matter. Scratch what I said. Let's stick to what I told you about liking him 'cause he's everything I ever wanted. Yiiiieeee! Cheeseballs.

Sigh. I sound like I know him by heart when in fact, everything I know are just answers to my curiosity. Occasionally it makes me sad, but more often than not, it strengthens my desire to meet him someday. I don't have any idea why is it so, but I figured that you don't have to meet someone personally to develop a certain "love" or feeling for them. Apparently, you'll feel butterflies every once in a while; you'll never know when and you don't even know why, it'll just come knocking at your door and before you know it, it already hit you hard. This thing, I know it's too early to declare that it's love. Though one thing's for sure-- I've felt this before. The unusual thrill, how giddy it was looking at his newly uploaded photo, when my world came crashing down when he pulled a security over his once unprotected Twitter account... Yeah. Those things. They're just little whatnots actually, but for some reasons, they're special.

I know that there will be a time that he'll come across this post and learn about how he swept me off my feet. Hopefully when that moment arrives, I already met him... halfway. Lol. I don't mean to be demanding, it's just that I like him more than I like food! Hihihi. I like him okay! But kidding aside, I think I've fallen on the process. I used to think that I'm standing on the line between crush and like, but it seems like I've been standing on the latter all this time. I know it's quite ridiculous but hey, I never instructed myself to do such thing. My heart told me to give myself a break and find someone who's worth the affection. Do you think I just did? *winks*

Pursuit for Happiness

Being unbearably sad can be so tiring...

Or not. Perhaps I'm so used to it that I don't even know what's happy and what's sad anymore.

I've been trying so hard to get rid of this feeling, but it turns out that the most unwanted things are the hardest to get rid of. They just keep on coming back and they get worse once you try to get rid of them, leaving you no choice but to accept the fact that they're here to stay. No one knows until when, but it will surely go.

...And in time, this too shall pass. Maybe not sooner, but I'm willing to wait. At some point, I saw my life as something incredibly horrible. But then I to realized that at least, it's not as horrible as what others' have. In fact, I have a lot to be thankful for! I have a complete family, an incredible circle of friends, material things that some people wish for, and certain things I consider as blessings -- blessing that would always alleviate the pain I'm constantly feeling. 

And that's the point where I feel better; when I'm happy and contented. This may not be my day, my week, or even my year! But one day, my life will turn a complete 360 degrees and I'll be the happiest person ever. Mark my words! A little sadness can be equated to a whole lot of happiness. Keeping the faith!

So This Is What They Call "Outdoors"

I'M BAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKK! Guess who just flew in from New York City, Las Vegas, Paris, Santorini, and New Caledonia?!

Uhhh, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not me. Mehehehehe.

My good ol' techless life over the past few weeks consisted of sleepovers, impossible (day) dreams, frequent trips to slumberville, super seldom gala with friends, derpin' on the phone with my super mega foxy awesome hot bestfriend, yadda yadda, blah blah blah, it's downright unproductive and I swear, you wouldn't want to hear anything about it. But I kept track of everything that happened while I'm gone... So, shall we?

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MARCH 31, 2012 - Bottoms up!

So... we went to Las Piñas for Yam's birthday bash and our `last day of school` kickoff. Yes, it's the kind of breather a partygoer -slash - stressed out college student would want! Flowing drinks, karaoke nights, and... smooching sweethearts? You got it. And I never imagine myself in such place! I mean, I have forsworn that I'd never drink alcohol but... I had no choice! Well, I had choices actually, and I chose the "not-so-good" way 'cause you know... so I could say that for once in my life, at least I did. Teehee. Bad, I know. T'was also the first time that I missed the train! Apparently, the station was already closed by the time we got there so we had no choice but to take the risky choice -- the jeepney. Good thing, I only had 6 shots and it's not enough to knock me down. Speaking of shots, I think I was intoxicated for a week or two! This ridiculous, uh, something I felt, uhm... how should I put this into words? I don't know! And I'm not spilling any beans regarding that 'cause A.) It's disgusting, and B.) Because it's ridiculous... and disgusting. Whew, I took it off of my head several weeks ago and I can't believe I'm talking about it again. Ok, let's get this over with! Lesson learned; don't get carried away with your feelings... especially when you're just 98% sober. Ha!

Less liberated photos, you knowww. Teehee. (c) Merriam Reyes

APRIL 4, 2012 - "APPY" 18TH BIRTHDAY!

One of my dearest friends for life celebrated her birthday! Oh and, did I mention that the whole barkada's invited? Yaaaayyy! The reunion we've all been waiting for! Nehhhh, scratch the reunion thing. We're incomplete. But, aaacccckkkk. I had so much fun! It felt like the whole posse's there when in fact, we're just half of the whole bunch. All the stories told, craziness, sarcasms, and, and... basically, everything! No words can express how much I miss them and how happy they made me. It's just too freakin' euphoric for my life, I felt my heart jump out of my ribcage! Hands down to the greatest (and biggest, lol) barkada ever!

Selected photos! Looool. (c) April Aquino

APRIL 10, 2012 - Bestfriends!

And this is what I missed the most -- hanging out with my bestfriend! After merely 7 months of not seeing each other, finally. We had all the time in the world to do it all again! The hustle and bustle of college had us cancelling our plans so we had no choice but to wait 'til summer. We also got one of our kabarkadas to come with us! So, it was Marian, Meng and I who were laughing hardcore over everything that we missed out on each other's lives. Dreng was missing in action though, so we're all looking forward to another getaway soon!

The only photo taken that day... (c) Marian Lizan

APRIL 14, 2012 - Heartbeat running away

We're all set for grade distribution. We all went to school for that reason and of course, quality time! Fortunately, my grades weren't as bad as I thought they were. Amen! Sad though, 'cause my undeniably awful Midterm grades resulted to a so-so GPA. Ugh. On the brighter side, at least I was able to do something less unproductive than the usual -- getting a life outdoors! I had the best time with my girls doing our thing and oh, we scored One Day tickets for 25 bucks! Lemme quote that line I'm so fond of; "I love you, I love you so much. But I just don't like you anymore". D'awww. It was as melancholic as our separation. Huuuu. Until next school year, bitches!

Loooovvvveeee!

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You missed me, guys? I know you do! Lol joke. But before I go, here's my most recent photo just in case you're curious. Hihi. Thank y'all for waiting! I love y'all!

P.S.: I'll blog better next time. Promise! ♥

Lying low, no computer. See you in weeks!

Faux letter for a faux lover

Last year, March 21st, I was writing you a letter. I don't know what's with March 21st and letters, but I'm doing the exact same thing a year after.

I honestly don't know what to reply when you tried to talk to me on chat. Prolly because it's: A.) too surreal for my life, and B.) I've already told and convinced myself that things like this would never happen and if it does then it might be December 21, 2012 already. But heck, I can't help myself. I was too caught off guard. Well I'm sorry. It's just that the pain I get from talking to you like nothing happened is just as painful as keeping it all to myself. I bet you don't know that I was just letting them all pass right before my eyes but deep, deep, down inside, I was actually striving hard to surpass all the misery that's right infront of me. And then I became numb... great.

Last night, you told me that you kept the letter I gave you last year. My heart dropped! Seriously, I wasn't expecting that from you. I already supposed that you already threw it somewhere or your then girlfriend tore it to pieces, but no. I stand corrected. And I was extremely touched upon learning that you're still keeping it up to now, meaning you kept it even when you were with somebody else. Hee. I was worrying about that letter for weeks... or even months, and when you told me that, I could not ask for more since you made me feel like I made something so special and valuable and I were as special and valuable to you. However, when you told me that I should be thankful to you for keeping that, everything came crashing down. It's like you're telling me that you don't even want to keep that letter and you're keeping it just for the sake of keeping it. Sigh. I just hope you noticed that it's the part where our conversation got screwed up.

I was crying the whole night. The thought of you is keeping me up. "I never want to see you again", I keep on reiterating. But I've always wanted a closure. With a prayer saying that I need somebody to be there for me, I headed to dreamland. Zzzz.

Somebody to be there for me, in other terms, love life. I don't know if it's coincidental or not, but everytime I'd pray for that, I'd always bump into you. Crazy, right? It was a surprise to see you again. And chat for a bit. And blah. Like nothing happened the night before... ouch. I never said a thing or two about pain and the like, but I wanted to. I badly wanted to. Problem is, I chickened out! Shiz. But I'll catch you next time, I swear! I won't let you go without telling you my feelings. That is if I won't chicken out like I do every effing time. Ugh. My sh*tload of regrets is slowly drowning the hell out of me.

Tomorrow's the letter's anniversary, I know you remember. Remember what I said about being confused with my feelings? Now I know...

I have loved you, and I'll always love you. So much. I don't care about everything or anything, I can ignore them all for you, but... now I don't feel the same anymore.