Looks Like I'm Finally Awake

This must be God's way of telling me that moving on is the best thing I ever did.

For imbecile reasons, I woke up disappointed today. My dreams, my oh-so vivid dreams... For a moment there, I thought it was real. I could still remember every bit of him in that moment --gray shirt, gray shorts, his bright orange backpack which he carries along wherever he goes, his face, his sincerity, the way he apologized, and how he put his arms around me-- my weakness then, actually. And it's all in one dream.

I wonder, would you call it a dream when everything felt so real? When you know it was there, just merely existing the whole time? Sigh. If you were in my place, I know you'd feel the same. In that surreal moment, it felt like time warped me in some place where I'm obliged to feel every emotion I know I've gotten rid of. Oh and, did I mention that it made me feel bad? It did, and I have to feel that way the whole day. It sucks, FYI. It made me feel the pain all over again.

I'm not disappointed because we'll never work out, I'm disappointed 'cause everything I dreamed of that night won't happen in reality. It's not that I want him to get mushy with me or whatever, all I ever wanted was for him to say sorry. The problem is, he's too busy to notice that he was the reason behind all the pain I felt during the past few months. I usually ask myself if he haven't noticed, but I think I know the answer all along. And it's a big fat no for that matter 'cause I figured that he'd rather be with other girls than care for my feelings. Oh well. Looks like some things are better off the way I won't want them to be. Who knows? If he happened to be my *ehem* boyfriend *ehem*, he might have done something worse, right?

Today marks the 41st month of liking him-- if I never stopped, that is. Truth be told, but I don't really miss him. If not for this dream - slash - nightmare last night then I'd totally forgot that he exists. Boom, auto reminisce mode was activated. The one I had on February 24 was a good cry. It didn't just made me feel better, it also ignited that I should really move on 'cause he'll never like me whatever I do. I've accepted the fact and I feel better now.

Blaaaahhhh, here goes another nonsensical post about how pitiful my lovelife is.