My Fridays are always spontaneous. One day I'm out having drinks with the girls then the next, I am declining every invite because I want to curl up in bed.
However, due to this pandemic, it’s usually just the latter except, I don't have any invites to decline. Ok, maybe Zoom and Houseparty invites, but still... I am left with no choice because I'm still at home. Curled up in bed, probably.
I wonder why I feel indifferent doing catch-ups online-- I see you, yes, thanks to modern technology, but for me it’s not similar with meeting you in flesh. Sure it does the job but I still feel like something's missing... Or maybe I'm just too clingy?
Prior to this whole fiasco, Fridays would never not pump me up. Aside from being the last working day, it's the only day of the week that doesn't feel hectic and strenuous. For some reason, Fridays are always light-hearted-- like your typical rom-com movie that leaves you smitten after watching.
With some reservations, I can say that I still kinda look forward to Fridays. Work from home includes invasion of personal time and I’ve come to accept it just now. For a month, it brought me to a dark place. It made me high-functional because I tend to overthink things--I thought I can't fail, I knew I can't. And as long as this is considered as "normal", I don't think I can love it the same way because I know Saturdays are business as usual... And I need a break!
Now that it's been months since I last stepped outside, I found myself dreaming of a night out while being nostalgic about a lot of things. I'd rather not be at home now.
I long to be somewhere chill with my college clique. Chill because we‘re too loud and we don't want other people overpowering our energy. LOL. I'm still hungover from the night we had unlimited sangria at UCC two freakin' years ago. That was the night we talked endlessly about adulting and relationships; something we never did until then! But if there’s one thing I’m really after, it’s laughing boisterously at the jokes we make in between because as I’ve said, it's always a crazy good time with this witty bunch who’s always packed with ludicrous banters. GAHD, I MISS THESE GIRLS THE MOST.
I also miss wine nights with with my work buddies. I seldom join but all those times have etched a memoir in my mind that I think I miss Torch now when at some point in my life, I grew tired of their nachos and thought their salsa sucks. Our discussions would always vary in maturity but whatever it is, we tend to laugh it off after.
Ahhhh, Vertis! It has been one of my fave spots recently, thanks to its vicinity from where I work. Whether it be Mama Lou's, Scout's Honor, or BonChon, a good dinner and a nice catch up with one of my friends would hit a spot right in the tummy and in my clingy heart.
Would I dare leave a coffee shop out of this? Of course not! I miss having my usual at one of Starbuck's very lowkey branches (that I won't dare mention) and oh, my iced pure blended double chocolate from CBTL! Ohhhhh, to be able to slack off in a couch with a bff and talk about life in general. Just one of the few things we can’t do now without extra caution.
Man, I miss going out. And for the first time, my introvert ass approves.
Do you think if you ask me one last time I would admit? Because I was thinking, Maybe if I did... We could’ve been something.
We could’ve been lovers sitting side by side in a place only the two of us know; Talking ‘bout anything and everything, Basking in the sound of our hearts beating, Watching you smile, and then melting...
Oh, you were a good dream— Vivid and surreal, Enthralling, yet feigned, Gone by morning.
Yet if serendipity hates me, then we will be bygones; Strangers once again because things went erratic, Awkward encounters minus the greetings, Forced to go back to the life before I knew you...
Except, I don’t know life without you anymore. To not interact with you everyday, To feel you slowly drift away— My worst nightmare, I dare say.
But this is the reality I chose when you asked and I did not answer-- A world with you in it, but you are never mine. A world where you are happy, but not with me. A lifetime where I wish that hopefully, you are wishing of me too.
That no one asked for. Lol. I thought I should write this down since I'm growing older and my memory is starting to suck. Also, I've always loved looking back at my old writings from time to time and re-reading them makes me nostalgic. Soooo, forgive me.
First off, I'm back to work! The order came right on time because at that point, I already maxed my leaves which means I'm on the verge of a no-work-no-pay setup. I remember praying about how my bills are making me anxious and surprisingly, I got a text from my manager the next day! As grateful as I was, I didn't expect that I'll be rendering overtime for the first few weeks. Order skew quantity, allocation documents-- I haven't done any of those in three months and boy, I missed it. NOT.
But I'm here to tell you that despite being exhausted from work, I'm surprisingly happy? Question mark because I can't explain it either. Although, I figured, I think I love the feeling of being able to be of service to anyone. I don't know, but for some reason, it makes me feel validated. I'd be over the moon every time someone tells me I was able to help them even in the simplest form. Good god, I'm actually smitten just writing about it now.
In other news, I was able to see my boyfriend again! I actually have nothing to say about this because my feelings are over the place and I can't articulate it well but really, I'm generally happy. Face time won't do it for me, I'd still go for our usual hugs and lovey dovey stuff. Also, it's warmer when we're together!
From where I live, father's day is almost over. To be honest, I diligently read a lot of post and while some made me laugh and others made me cry, I tend to feel jelly overall. Not that I'm complaining that we're celebrating it, in fact, I think I liked almost every tribute on Facebook... but there will always be a gaping hole every time an occasion happens and of course, father's day is when it's hella evident. I don't know, it's been 5 fatherless years and I still miss him everyday. And I hope I make him proud.
Sigh, I needed an outlet. This should end here, I guess.
New Year’s Day has always been associated with new beginnings. For some reason, it has that feeling of fervent hope that alludes people into doing something they've never done. From creating resolutions to finally doing the drastic change-- the impulse is just 'round the corner and the options to looking and feeling new are limitless.
For me, though, it also brought fright. When I was young, they aired gruesome warning ads that scarred me. Now that I’m older (and probably, wiser), what scares me is the uncertainty that accompanies it. My realist self is not that optimistic but to be fair, I’m just managing my expectations so I could contain my emotions. With that, you may ask, how was 2020 for me so far?
We start off with January, my favorite. Aside from the chill vibe and the chilly weather, it’s my birth month! Bias, I know, but there's something with that month that screams "trial season!" where we can still make room for mistakes. Unfortunately though, I was sick on New Year’s Day so I opted to stay home.
Believe me, I used to have photos of fireworks every year because we always celebrate it in our grandparents’ house but since I’m down with flu, this is the closest I can get to a New Year’s kiss.
We were required to go back to work immediately the day after. We gotta keep the hustle going so I wore something cute to refrain myself from looking like I’m not enthusiastic for the incoming year. You can prolly say that I perfectly faked it.
I turned 25 this year! I was at my worst state a few days prior because of all the jitters my possible promotion is sending me; in fact, the boyfriend prepared something on the weekend prior and we forgot to take a photo because I was having the worst mental breakdown. However, I’m more than glad that it happened when I’m with him because no one knows how to handle me better. Oh, and it was our 7th year anniversary getaway! Damn, I couldn’t be more regretful that we forgot to take a photo. Or was it in his phone? I’m not sure.
Crazy how one of us is already hitched when we’d still joke about immature stuff all the time. I swear, we also made jokes about what our friend will expect in NZ, lol. Come to think of it though, that’s what I like about us— we make dealing with things fun, whether it be serious or not.
If you happen to stumble upon this post, beshy, know that I’m happy for you. You deserve a love that makes you happy and a person that matches your energy. You have always been the one in charge for as long as I can remember and you deserve someone who you can take a break with but hustles the same way you do— and I think your hubby is that person. Love you! I hope to see you all soon!
It’s finally my birthday! Crazy how it fell on the day of my performance review when it’s all I’ve been worried about. While my immediate supervisor and I were on session, our momager (lol) ordered food for the entire team! She even joked that it was my blowout and that they should thank me. *puppy eyes emoji* It was all on her though! And I appreciate that part. Also, look at what my bestfriend Diego got me!
Ralph paid me a visit at home and got me food! Again, why don’t we have photos? Ugh.
Our company has a thing for celebrations. Our Cebuano owners paid homage to their town by bringing the fiesta to the city. It was free ice cream at work day!
Cera’s birthday fell on the last week of the month and what better way to celebrate it but with a weekend getaway! We went to Zambales for her “Taylor Swift” year and... I can’t remember anything from there because I was too drunk. Kidding! But we had so much drinks, sand, and games that I can’t articulate how fun that weekend was.
My introverted and socially anxious ass is extra grateful to everyone for being so warm! I was very anxious before all of this because I haven’t gone out with them yet and I didn’t know what to expect but I’m glad I overcame my fear ‘cause it turns out this trip is going to be one for the books!
Trial month ended and we are all settled in. February is here!
Our friend, Ruby, resigned. We were sad to see her go but of course we can’t let her just flee without feeling special; we had despedidas left and right and achievement unlocked: we made her cry! We sure miss you everyday, Rubs.
Celebrating our founder’s birthday is one of our company’s many traditions. For this year, we were served with lechon! Peep us smiling with the food like we aren’t impatiently waiting for our turn.
For Valentine’s this year, I got Ralph a gift. Which is very unusual since I’m always too broke and I have shitload of bills to pay. And he loved it! He couldn’t stop being touchy when I told him I’ll get him this. As for me, I’d give myself a pat on the back for getting him something he always wanted to have.
Last year, our barkada hopped on to what will be our new fave destination— La Union!
Andrea missed last year’s trip due to work so we promised to go back. Since everyone can’t come this year because they were scared of the virus, we risk-takers just made it a tita trip.
When we said we’re going on a tita trip, we really made it a tita trip. All we did was lounge, eat, and take photos! It was chill and relaxing, the kind we could take for days when we need a break from the world. Truly, going to the beach is therapeutic. I can’t wait to go back when all of this is over!
March started off strong with a surprise party for Ralph’s cousin. I was invited!
They have a tight-knit family and he’s really close with his cousins. They have a certain liking for gatherings, hence this, and I even got into one of the games and won a Starbucks GC! To cap off the day, we went to the arcades to play with everyone's favorite baby, Luis. I’m not sure if it’s him or us who enjoyed more, though...
I’ve mentioned earlier that we have tons of company traditions; here’s another one.
From where I work, March signifies that the most-awaited GREAT Awards is just lurking around the corner. It’s that time of the year when everyone gets dolled up and hope for the best. Some of us, though, just hopes that we make it to the buffet table before food runs out. LMAO.
One of the highlights of the night is when our teammates bagged an award. It was unexpected given that the year was rough for our brand but still, they thrived and their hard work didn’t go unnoticed. Proud of you, guys!
I came home with my work sisters. I forgot to mention that we booked a hotel for dressing up but actually, it was for a night full of drinking! A photoshoot with hungover titas ensued the morning after.
Guess what? I still managed to go out with Ralph’s family later that day. Talk about tireless!
Things went haywire the week after. Cases exponentially rose in various countries that establishments had to close down. We weren’t even allowed to go out unless we're going to the grocery. Our mobility has been limited to only our homes for safety.
Of course we still managed to see each other before all these hullabaloo, we insisted. Actually, Ralph did. We had a petty fight and I refused to go anymore, lol. Good thing he did because the quarantine wasn’t supposed to take this long. As of this writing it has been 2 months since we last saw each other and I miss him already! Mind you, there was an apocalyptic vibe the last time we went out so you could just imagine our fear.
Half of March was spent at home. It’s either I’m doing nothing or I’m working from home. Kidding, it was just partly working.
I wasn’t expecting this, in fact, we pursued our beach trip because we thought this will all be over soon. I’m not gonna lie though, I don’t have concrete plans on how I’ll spend my summer but this is not the route I'm planning to take.
My fingers are crossed that things will get better despite how challenging these times are. For an introvert who constantly declines invites and stays home, this is becoming tedious. I also get bouts of anxiousness and mental breakdowns here and there but I strive. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, sometimes through writing— I have my ways of coping up and more often than not, it's becoming less sufficient. But again, we thrive.
