"Do You Know Pain?"

Pain has been my loyal company for years. It never left my side even when I was immensely miserable. Oh wait, it was why I was immensely miserable. It was always there and I guess it loved me very much. It clung to me indeed, but I could say that my relationship with it was an enlightenment.

I felt pain when I was left hanging-- hanging on a belief that he likes me back, and when he left me hanging alone on that queue when we were supposed to ride the Ferris wheel together. It was rubbing into my face what rejection meant; what I-will-never-like-you would look like if it had a face and a hand that's bound to slap you. It was when I ran away crying my heart out, having the worst birthday ever.

I saw pain when I saw him look at her the same way he looked at me. It was seeing them do all the lovey-dovey things we used to do together. It was when I died inside right then and there, wishing I was her instead.

I heard pain when she told me what happened to him; that he had the worst Valentine's day because he was left by the girl he chose over me. It was crying until school the next day for feeling his pain. It's crying because I never would've done that to him if he chose me instead. It was hearing my heart shatter-- feeling all the pain for him, feeling everything I shouldn't feel.

I smelled pain when I knew he would ignore me and I was right. It was when I just wanted him to notice me and he didn't, like we are complete strangers with memories. It was like welcoming death by ignoring warnings.

I had a taste of pain when all my reminiscences turned out to be bitter. It was when I thought that everything was sweet until it finally hit me that I just made myself believe in all those actions which were actually unrealistic. It was fooling my mind, believing my own lies, neglecting myself.

I knew pain when I've gotten over everything. It was when I never had to feel, hear, nor even taste or smell pain ever again. It was when I finally found love; when I cry not because some guy meddled with my feelings, but because someone values my worth. It was kissing and all of a sudden, fireworks would lit up the sky like he paid for them to make my moment spontaneous. It was not just the Ferrero bouquet or the material things he gave me, it was the sincerity. It was risking the fall and knowing it was worth every heartbeat, and finding hope when there is none. It is every I love you, and you are going to be the last girl I'll ever love. It was bidding pain goodbye and saying hello to relief.